A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:ok i don't know where to start but i'll try my best.i met and fell in love with this guy a couple of years back but we were nothing ever more than friends (who sometimes were intimate... but not sex or anything like that). we started at the same college in september but had a disagreement which led to us not talking for quite a while although i did make the effort more than once to make up with him. during the months we weren't talking it was painful for me to see him everyday and not be able to talk him and be how we were before. then recently another close friend of mine revealed he liked me and would like to make a go of things and hes a nice guy and i liked him but i told him i wanted to wait until me and the previous guy were cool so then i wouldnt have any distractions. this then prompted me to make an effort with the 1st guy again which led to us talking again. while it was weird at 1st because it had been a while,im happy to have him in my life again. and now im also going out with the 2nd guy so i have even more reason 2 be happy.but as things get back to normal with the 1st guy im starting to realise more and more why i missed him so much. he was my 1st love and always will be but is it normal to still care about him so much? i really care about my boyfriend also and would never want to hurt him im just confused. im not thinking of cheating or anything or breaking up with my boyfriend but these feelings are bugging me. im also afraid that when i next see the 1st guy more feelings are going to come rushing back and i really don't want that to happen because i want to move on from him but still have him in my life. is that possible?im sorry if it doesnt make much sense :S
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2008): the best advice i can five you... Is date as much as you can. Not have sex with everyone one. but have fun. have losts of fun while being safe and planning your career.
A
male
reader, justaguy999  +, writes (8 August 2008):
 It might be that you are just having trouble letting the 1st guy go. What i think you need to do first is work out whether your feelings for the 1st guy are sexual/physical in any way. Also, try to imagine what it would be like going out with him instead of your current boyfriend. It might sound cruel, but if you see yourself as being better off with him, not just in a sexual way or a physical attraction but emotioanlly and mentally as well, then it might be a sign that you really do care for him and you are with the wrong guy.
Your feelings for your current boyfriend should also be taken into account. Are you happy with him? What kind of relationship are you looking for and is he looking for the same? Do you share a special connection that is unique to your relationship? If the answer to all these questions is yes then i think your feelings for the 1st guy are simply attatchment feelings that remain from when you liked him before.
Inevitably you have to make a decision. It is good that you are not thinking about cheating on your boyfriend and you don't want to hurt him. Take all of the factors into account and try to come to a decision that makes you happy and will lead to a healthy positive relationship.
If there's anything else you'd like me to explain then feel free to ask, and i really hope everything works out well for you and the right guy.
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