A
female
age
30-35,
*oX15
writes:I'm here to hear how stupid I am when it comes to matters of the heart. I moved in with a guy I knew for barely a month, and proceeded to create the biggest relationship mess of my life. We dealt with alcohol problems, cheating, ultimately trust, domestic abuse, and now I have an anger management problem while he is...I guess you could say depressed. While all that was going on, I started talking with this acquaintance. I got close to him. He was beautiful inside and out. Even though I loved that he was so great to me, I knew he had a gf, or so it says on his profile. So i ask him about it, and he says not really. Then next thing I know we make out. He visits often, we hang out a lot, we talk a lot, and what can I say I get really close to him. I trusted him. He made me feel like I haven't felt in a while. He was my good feeling. I really thought he was genuine. Keep in mind this is all while I'm struggling in this other relationship. I love him, but we both deserve better and our relationship is way too messed up. Should we just give up? Eventually I get so close to this guy, and our interactions get intense, and we have sex. The next day, my...guy I'm in a so-called relationship calls me up and asks me to this party. So I'm sitting at home bored, so what the hell? I go, and there, was the guy. It didn't help that he was there with his "gf."So this guy has some nerve, and so do i. I don't know how to act so I just keep quiet and scarce in his presence, but its a small party our paths do cross. He tried to act normal but I can't. I've never been in this situation before. I mean, I've had sex with one guy in my life, and that is my relationship guy. But I trusted this guy, and he's there with his gf? So anyway, I leave to visit my parents for Christmas, and I kept in touch with relationship guy because well we're in a relationship right? The other guy, could've died for all i knew. At home, I meet up with "the man I'm going to marry." We realize how meant for each other we are, and agree to move in with each other at some point. So i have all these butterflies and I"m gaga over this then reality strikes. I come back from vacation to this mess, and I'm am just plain stupid. The relationship guy, loves me to death, I care about him, I love him, he is my best friend, but I can't be his girlfriend. But if we're not together, he won't accept anything else. So if i lose him, I lose my best friend, again. I just lost my second best friend in November. I'm the type of person who is there for everyone else, but who's there for me? The acquaintance guy, is playing with me right? He is just as confused as I am. I really wish he felt the same about me, but since he's seen me with my relationship guy, he's been an A** and when we do talk, he's a mixture of sweet and cocky. And he's still everywhere with his gf. So, its hard to let go of someone you gave so much to. The guy I'm going to marry, stay tuned. I'm determined to not mess this one up. Any advice?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (15 February 2010):
 Oh yea.. certain words you use.. I don't like..
Dumb, immature, stupid... please don't say stuff like this. You are young and learning. Don't allow anyone to talk to you like this, and don't hurt yourself with such harsh words. It's not fair, your a girl with a very big heart, whose a bit confused with love and men.
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (15 February 2010):
I was sharp for a reason, and yes it's unpleasant when people talk to you this way. I wanted you to see how bad everything sounds on paper, I wanted you to have a good clear look at your life and evaluate where you are going wrong.
Thank you very much for taking the time to write back and respond. I meant to get back to you sooner, but I've been thinking about your update. So sorry you didn't get more responses from the aunts and uncles, people who have experienced your difficulties could probably understand a bit better than me.
"I contradict myself in so many ways. I move fast and screw up my life" (Quote from Foxx)
"Maybe I've been subconciously sabotaging relationships, i dont know. He was the guy I cheated on Guy A with over the summer. I've always known he's perfect." (Quote from Foxx)
Foxx, I can hear how tired you are right now. You have every right to be. You stood by guy A, you were a rock and a support to him, you went through hell, and yet you still want to make everything nice for him. Guy B, he's a piece of crap (sorry) he treats you like dirt, and he's not fit for the rubbish can, he's definitely not fit enough for you. Guy C.. well I don't know, I just wanted you to slow down a bit. You still have feelings for A and B, A you love like maybe a good friend or husband, B you lust after and have a crush on, at the moment, well, it's all happening so very fast, I wasn't sure if your feelings for your Christmas present were genuine, or if you were using him to escape and run away.
Read your original post, your thoughts about that bad guy B, were still infatuated. How could I believe that you could fall in love and be faithful to C....
It's not a mess honeypie, your a good woman, and you give all you can to the men in your life. But you don't seem to give nothing back, they don't treat you special and seem to abuse your kindness a lot.
You can still keep A as a friend, you two have been through a lot. But you've cheated on him, and he's tired you out. He definitely isn't the right guy. B is a jackass, stay far away from him, he'll only break your heart... Now C... mmmmmm... if he's so perfect, why did you stay with A and play with B. You've known him for four years, slept with him, but you only think your in love now????? Again, are you not running away from problems, just to find you've stepped out of the fire into the oven?
You are very young, and you've been through so much, maybe too much, but that's my judgement, and it has nothing to do with you and your life. I'd love you to stay single for a while, look after yourself and put yourself first. Date C, see how things go, keep things light, make him fight for you, make him treat you right, do all this before you go off and commit yourself to a permanent relationship.
Spending time on your own gives you time to think about YOU instead of thinking about us. But your young and you want love and romance. Just take it slow with C, and don't rush anything.
Good luck babes, and thanks for writing back.. :)
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A
female
reader, FoX15 +, writes (13 February 2010):
FoX15 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGlad my life amuses you so much.
I strive for that.
I know how stupid and immature I am. I have realized how that the relationship with Guy A is beyond disaster and it is probably best if we just cut all contact and move on. No matter how much we love each other, it won't fix anything.
Guy B, I'm being a big girl, accepting what happened, and leaving him alone.
Guy C, my Christmas present, isn't some guy I met and fell in love with in a matter of days. I've known him for four years. We've always had feelings for each other, it's just never been the right time. Now that we're older, we're finally ready to take things a little further. I contradict myself in so many ways. I move fast and screw up my life, meanwhile I can honestly say I've always been waiting for Guy C. Maybe I've been subconciously sabotaging relationships, i dont know. He was the guy I cheated on Guy A with over the summer. I've always known he's perfect. This isn't something we planned, but we've always waited for each other. Sorry to say I won't have any more entertaining stories as I know how dumb I am, especially with Guy B. I think I just thought he was the perfect Mr Right Now. But I'm tired of the games.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (28 January 2010):
I'm getting confused, your messed up love life is hurting my head..
Guy A... he's the depressed one, the guy you move in with and start having sex with after a month. He's also the one you shared alcohol problems, cheating, trust issues, domestic abuse, and left you with anger problems.... This is the guy who you say is your best friend!!!!! (I wonder who cheated on who, and who hit who??)
Guy B.... now this is some guy you know who you start talking to, and then all of a sudden, in your words, "Then next thing I know we make out" This is the guy with a girlfriend you knew about, a girlfriend that didn't bother you, cause Guy A wasn't right for you. So you two had sex, but you mean nothing to him, he's got his girlfriend and he has no intention of leaving her, you were just a sex thing to him.
Guy C.... (now I'm confused) Christmas (one month ago) you go visit your parents, and immediately fall in love with someone else. Within a couple of minutes, you two are in love and you know that your meant for each other and should immediately get married. Funny how you like short relationships, what happens if you wait, do you think you'll change your mind or the guy will run away... Anyway, your due to get married to this new guy you've known for a matter of days....
You wanna keep messed up depressed guy A as a friend, cause even though you were living with him, suffered and fought with him, your love died away and anyway, you can't stay faithful to him.
Guy B, well he's got his girlfriend, he treats you like crap, and it wasn't that kind of relationship, he just wanted to have sex, and he never promised you anything..
Guy C, lets call him your "Christmas present", well after 4 short weeks your sure that you can settle down for the rest of your life, be faithful to him and love him forever... No matter that your still watching Guy B and his girlfriend.. your over him, cause "he's still everywhere with his gf. So, its hard to let go of someone you gave so much to."
Nope, your gonna marry Guy C.. cause you love him right, fell in love in a couple of days and he's the guy you gonna be with for the rest of your life... funny that, are you sure this "Christmas present" is the right guy for you? After all, seems you still like Guy B, the one with the girlfriend who you screwed behind her back... I think you like him because of what you say.. "The acquaintance guy, is playing with me right? He is just as confused as I am. I really wish he felt the same about me"
What you gonna do if guy B dumps his girlfriend and asks you to run away with him, what happens to "Christmas present" and your dream wedding then?
You present as aged 18-20years old.. girlfriend, that's a hell of a lot of living and loving you done in your short couple of years. Yes, please stay in touch, your story is better than TV. Your going through men in weeks not years, I wonder where you'll be when your as old as me?
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