A
male
 ,
*upa-k
writes:I've been with my fiance now for two years, and I love her very much. Approximately eight months ago, we moved town and moved in together along with a new job that I acquired. She uprooted, found new work close to me and I was the happiest man alive.However, things just haven't worked out on the job front for me, and thats put a huge strain on things in the relationship. Effectively the job is hanging by a thread and I'd desperately like to find something else. The only problem is that the town where I'm living, where she moved to with me, is not ideal for someone with my qualifications, and I really do not like living here.To make matters worse, our current landlord has demanded we leave the house - given us our notice. My fiance enjoys her job and wants to stay in the area. I'm not at all sure that I can as doing so is just making me more miserable. But I really do not want to lose her if at all possible. I really do not know what to do, and feel totally isolated on it. I feel that if I stay, I'm liable to end up resenting her for my situation. She is adamant that she wants to stay however, though she admits to dreading being on her own long term - the only place that I could easily move to is approximately 300 miles away. Help!
View related questions:
fiance, moved in Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, penta  +, writes (23 April 2007):
 Pronoun trouble: "Basically you've gotten her to totally rearrange your life for her"
I meant to say that you've gotten her to totally rearrange HER life for YOU.
("He does not have to shoot me now" -- for the Bugs Bunny enthusiasts...)
A
female
reader, penta +, writes (23 April 2007):
I don't have an easy answer for you. Basically you've gotten her to totally rearrange your life for her, and now you want her to do it again. As a woman who unsuccessfully tried this for a man, I can tell you it would take a lot to dislodge me again. I think it's selfish of you to keep asking her to dump her life for you.
You have 2 choices:
(1) take one for the team. it's her turn to pick the location. You need to do whatever you can to stay in her world, at least long enough for her to make a good go of this job (finding another one after only 8 months looks really crappy on a resume). Tell her that you know she needs to stay here at least for a while, and that you're willing to do so, with the option of moving in a few years.
(2) do what you should have done in the first place: start the long-distance relationship, move to where you think you need to be, make sure the new job works, then see if she'll move to where you are in a year or so. Give her the choice after you KNOW you won't be asking her to move again. And again. And again.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2007): You say the only place you could "easily" move to is about 300 miles away. Sorry, but you need to compromise here.
If she means that much to you, try and find somewhere a bit closer.
If she still doesn't want to move after that, then you need to think about a long distance relationship and see what happens.
Four years ago I met someone that lived 200 miles and we're now married so it can work.
Good luck.
...............................
|
