A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I've been with my fiancee for over a year now, and our relationship is good, except for the money situation...He recently got a settlement from an auto accident, and unfortunatly we had to use all the money..(3000$) to fix the car because it was unsafe to drive.So now we're back in trouble financially, and I always seem to be the one who gets blamed for it.He's got his Masters degree in English, and he's working for a temp agency making a lousy 311$ a week, then he complains about never having enough money...when I'm just getting frusterated more and more, I feel like he has the potential to get a well paying job if he would just TRY! and instead he's comfortable coasting, making less than people who work menial jobs make!But the worst part is, if I spend say..20$ on a DVD I wanted, and the account goes into the negative, he makes damn sure he tells me it was MY FAULT that the account was overdrawn... but if it's his spending that causes it, he's got some cover story...like.."I HAD to, I know theres no money, but the car ran out of gas just as I was pulling into the gas station.."I am not even on the account, so I have no way of keeping track of the money anyway....What can I do? he's making me crazy!Thanks.
View related questions:
debt, fiance, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2006): Very simple answer to this probelm tell him to sort it out himself after all his debts are his probelm not yours do not get involved
A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (3 July 2006):
 You might be in a relationship with the guy, but it doesn't mean you have to be in a financial relationship with him too! If the vast majority of the debt and spending issues are his then keep separate accounts, separate credit cards etc and take individual responsibility for your debts down to the last dollar. He cannot blame you for running up debts if you don't spend from his account and vice-versa. If the major problem is his spending then you have good reasons to keep separate accounts - if he gets bad credit rating then you just don't want your credit rating damaged too. If this relationship doesn't work out at some stage and you need to set up home elsewhere then it is vitally important that you are able to lay your hands on credit cards and other sources of funds.
If you think he could sort his debt out by working in a better job, try helping him to find such work. This could mean applying for jobs on his behalf with better companies - he may lack self confidence, and the offer of an interview may lure him away. You could both also see a financial advisor - not a shark who will get you in even more debt but someone independent who maybe able to sort out a repayment plan or a better rate of loan.
...............................
A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx +, writes (3 July 2006):
 My advice to your is split your finance from his. If you don't like the way he does things, you keep your money and do what you want with it and let him worry about his stuff. If he wants to keep the job, let him worry about that. You worry about you. Obviously you'll both have to pay half for some things but don't let him know about your account, just hand over your half of the rent/bill money etc and leave him to it.
That's the thing about men: you can't teach them a lesson, they have to learn it themselves. You shouldn't be suffering and missing out on stuff and getting the blame for spending a bit of money! It's pathetic!
This is the only way you can get through this and, once this is sorted, maybe you will move forward. When he grows up a bit you can maybe think about joining things again.
...............................
|
