A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I hate my father and mother. I stilllive at home and I have no friends and no boyfriend and nobody wants me. I am always helping my dad on the farm and I get nothing for it. When I ask can I do something he says I can't, but I can when it suits him I can do something.He said what would I want with friends and dare I mention a boyfriend he goes mad altogether. My father is always comparing to a girl who is younger then me and who farm was left to her by her father and what a great worker she is. When I asked to do the same he said I wouldn't be able for it and my brother does the same, he compares me to other people who are I know are younger and better then me. It upsets me why they do this. I get depressed I am not like them and who can have evertything and do everything and be success.I hate living at home, everything I do is wrong. I am coming into my 30s and I have nothing, no friends and no boyfriend. I am alaways alone and unhappy all the time evertything. No matter what I do it's not right,My father prefers my brother and this other girl who works on farm somewhere else. When I am upset about this he tells me get out and find a new place to stay and I can't, I got no job. They don't care about me and my unhappiness and loneliness. There is no point talking to my dad. I can work as hard any bloke but I get no praise for it. I just hate my so called life and my father and brother. I am very upset that I am not as good as at other girl (26 years of age) who had her farm left to her by her father.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2009): HI,
me too, i live with my father and mother. But i dont like the attitude of my father because he is so very very strick with his personal thing like when he found out that one thing is missing with his thing, he go mad and mad like a girl shouting at my mother, he dont stop until hes tired. i dont like what hes doing to my mother.My mother i diabetic and suffering from mild stroke before that why im mad at my father cuz he cannot control himself. My fathers background is that he lived with his own before, he had no mohter and father to talk too or disciplined him. we have the same situation but different in other way.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2009): hi i know how you feel even when i do good my family thinks i didn't do well. Just like you i really hate my father for many reasons which are hard to handle everyday. Im only 14 and i have to go through so much stress because of fighting and drinking from my father. What you should do is to confront your father and tell him exactly how you feel. He might not understand in the beginning but soon he will. You should try and get your own job some where else and get a new place to live.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2009): I'm sorry this is happening to you. ANY woman that can work a farm is a VERY good worker. This other 26 yr. old woman is probably more Manly!:) I would rather be more woman than like a man, wouldn't you?
You're dad is treating like you like he treats men. Many times men will use negative words to get someone to work harder. Well, you are a GIRL, and like ME. We like compliments and praise, and then we will want do out best.
I think it's time you had a talk with your father. You can repeat what he tells you all the time. He has told you that farming is too hard for you. Well tell him you agree with him, and you want to try something else. Of course, do you have an idea what you want to do? This takes some soul searching on what your skills and talents are. I really think you should move away for awhile to figure out what you want to do. (Do you have any cousins to live with? and then you could look for a job?) I would pray for an opportunity to come your way. I will for you too. take care.
Please let us know if we can help you anymore.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2009): Hi anonymous,(Almost)Everybody wants/needs the respect from their parents. But this should not be your reason to act. You HAVE to act, but for your own good, for your own future, for your own happiness, for your own respect.I wrote in my first reaction 10x as big, forget this, this is not important at all.Important is that you start to take responsibility for your own life. (don't be afraid that you cannot run the farm later or that your parents might even disinherit you, because they will not!). You seem like a person who is afraid for this and afraid that. Realize that everything where you afraid for might happen more easy because you are afraid for it. It's a law of power of the subconsciousness.Talk (not shout, even if their reaction is not what hope for). Talk and tell them that you want to live a few years abroad (do not stay in Ireland) because you must 'look to broaden'.It would be nice if you give some response here on the site.You ask a very serious question and you have got very various answers. It would not only be nice if you give some response here, but it would also show that you really want to do something at your situation. Realize that (almost) everybody is responsible for their life and the situation they have, ALSO only YOU are responsible for the situation you're in (not your parents, not you brother, not the girl of 26) and ONLY YOU can chance it. Do not blame anybody else but start to ACT and decide to take your responsibility for your life, your happiness, your future.
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A
female
reader, EzraMayweather  +, writes (14 February 2009):
 To be honest, it sounds like you are fat. Wrong terminlogy, well vuloptuous, and he probably calls you lazy because your not running aroung like a bat out of hell to make things perfect, he may just be annoyed that you are on the thicker side and just wants to call you lazy, you know how men can be, father or no father..... when really, you just don't feel like it... and if you not.... than he is just mean. Secondly, you need to stop thinking like that, honour your mother and your father, do you know that life and death lies in the power of the toungue. Your speaking crazy, you are saying you hate your parents, and you hate your life. You might want to refrain from them thoughts. And lastly there is no reason for why you are there, in case you haven't noticed, about 400 years ago, there was this thing called slavery, and their conditiond were FAR more worse than yours, and with no education and just the clothes on their back, they traveled to the north for freedom. Likewise, if you want a change, it will not come to you, you will have to step out of you comfort zone and make it happen. No matter what. You can't keep sulking in what you don't have, you have to make it happen. Because what's the worse that can happen. Leave, leave to find your happiness, a happiness, you know couldnot exist in a man who could be so selfish and cruel. Good luck. Make a move....
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A
female
reader, MelodyB +, writes (14 February 2009):
 My dear, you are being abused. You can and should go to a Women's Shelter in your area. You are being verbally, emotionally and vocationally abused and its up to you to stop it. While your father acts like you are a child, you are not and you have the right and responsibility to yourself to take care of yourself. I know it would break your heart to leave the farm you have dedicated your life to, but the only person who has any power to do anything about this is you. Call a local help line and find out the name of a Women's Shelter and get there with whatever you can carry. Never look back. Your parents don't deserve the love and labor you have given them.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2009): Lovely Irish farmer's daughter,
If I was you I would do the following:
Tell my parents: My lovely parents, I am working many years here on the farm, it is not making me happy because I do not feel your love, I do not feel that you are appreciating what I'am doing, you give me the feeling that other people are so much better then me.
So I would tell them I decided the following:
(do not let them chance your mind, but ask their cooperation, to support you and finance your travel, I understand that you get not paid for your job).
I go to work abroad for 2 years, I decided, I have organized everything, I go to (up to the result of your research and preference Australia, Canada, Brasil, Ghana (these are all countries with huge possibilities and where it's so easy to find a job in the agriculture sector). Do your research, talk to people on internet in the sector, where you feel the best combination of future and friendship and quality of life:
Realize the following: if you go to a country with low wages (like brazil, Argentina or Ghana, you will have automatic job where you have responsibility over more people.
If you go to Canada or Australia you will work with less people but wiht more advanced machinery.
Which agriculture sector are you working??
I would do my research
Speak to young farmers, speak to
'near to retire Farm-owners'
Tell that you are considering to emigrate and will come over a few years to find out the opportunities.
You will be suprise how much they are looking for a farmers woman like you.
Do not think that you cannot do it, YES YOU CAN, big chance that after a few years abroad you are managing a farm 10 as big as your father's and have a lot of friends and who knows what more.
Believe in yourself, depending what you choose, educate yourself before you leave to be extra prepared.
You need somebody who is supporting you, who is experienced and who can replace himself (or herself) in you.
If you have some questions, you can always contact me.
You have no BF, you told to have no friends and you are not happy at home and not happy in your job, sooooooooo you have to my oppinion only to gain, Take the reins in the hands of your life
Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2009): Consider applying to college as a mature student, at your age you should be on the dole because beyond 25 it is no longer means tested on your parents earnings and you're entitled to it. The dole is the first step, if you think this will upset them, then tough luck to them.
You're an adult and it's time you stood on your own two feet, you have to be on the dole a year before you qualify for back to education allowance, which basically means you get to keep your dole the entire time you are at college. Really handy, trust me, and in the meantime you can set yourself up with an apartment in the city where the college is.
Talk to them about your ambition and tell them you're going ahead with it, we'll see what he thinks when you decide to fly the nest. I found my relationship with my parents got a whole lot better, cos I was no longer a child under their care, I was visiting them as an indepedent adult. Time to move out basically and start your own life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2009): It has taking some of the weight off of you to some out and talk about that and I am glad you did it. I pray that you find the strenght to get out of that because, your father is setting you up for whatever man comes into your life will do you the same because that is what you have been used to. And where is your mother doing all of this? She should have HELP! you but, he may treat her the same way. I hope you get away from him soon and leave your brother and the other farmer's daughter with him
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2009): There is an obvious question - was the other girl good before the dad died? or did she become good afterwards?
I think he wants you to take on the farm but needs to know you are good enough. Does he harang your brothers the same way?
You have to decide if you want to get out, make a plan and go. What about studying? (even farming college?) that would help. Boys, life and love will follow.
Of course you could make friends with the other girl learn how she does it :) then dad might be happier?
Hugs OS.X.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (14 February 2009):
Your dad sounds like an abusive husband. He's isolated you from the world, and he's making you feel crap so you can't ever leave him.
You need to get online and start looking for jobs. Get ANYTHING that will pay you enough to get a roof over your head, a spare room in a shared house would do.
Once you are out of there, then you can save up a little cash, get a better place to live, and then get a better job.
As long as you have a bed, and enough money to pay for that bed and some food, then you will be able to escape, and start planning your life. Friends will be easy to make once you are out and can join clubs and groups and work with people. Boyfriends will also come later once you are settled.
Are there any careers you would consider like the forces or hotel work or farm work that would provide you with accommodation as part of the job?
I am sure that you could manage a farm alone after all these years so why not see if anyone near by like that girl would take you on?
Good Luck!! xx
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