A
female
age
36-40,
*mehdani
writes:My husband and I have been married for almost 2 years (end of May). He lies constantly about everything. I caught him telling his ex-girlfriend that he misses her (at first he denied it, then he admitted it and said that's how he is with all his friends...ummm..NO). I'll admit, after that I started keeping an eye on his IM messages for a little. One of his other exes asked him if we had babies yet and he said "NO, I'm going to have them with you". I confronted him and he said he didn't have that conversation with her... hmm... well it wasn't me and we live alone. Then there was a bunch of different porn videos he lied about and said he didn't look at online, as well as some youtube "porn" that he of course did not watch. I told him if he wants to, watch it... just not all the time and don't hide it from me or lie to me. WELL... he did it again. I was trying to text him and he wasn't responding and I knew he had to be home. He told me he didn't respond because he was on his way home and he didn't check his phone. I get home later that night and saw that he had in fact watched porn videos online at the time he said he was "on his way home". He said he wasn't watching the clock, and he's not trying to hide it... THEN I found it on his PS3... websites that he went to up there too. He has since walked out and told me to "have a nice life". (that all took place this morning). I don't know what to do, but I'm tired of the lies and he won't admit to the LITTLEST thing even when he knows I know and it had to be him because we live alone. I guess I don't know what to do...
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female
reader, jmehdani +, writes (14 February 2009):
jmehdani is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHim and I talked about it again this afternoon and he tried to make excuses about it, but he knew he couldn't. When I asked him why he felt he had to hide it from me he said "I didn't hide it! I deleted it because I didn't want you to know"...umm, last time I checked, that pretty much means you're hiding it. He said that's why he lied to me all the times in the past, just because he didn't want me to know. No apology for this, nothing...he thinks he did nothing wrong and says I overreacted. He is flabbergasted by the fact that I am dragging all this out because he watched porn. What he doesn't seem to get is that it's NOT just because he watched porn, it's because he tried to hide it, and I'm tired of it. I think I am going to leave for a week or so and see what happens...if that helps anything. Maybe by that time he would actually have put some honest thought into wtf is going on.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2009): Hiwell what can I say you caught your man lying and cheating about the porn he was watching. You know what this world is dedicated to lying and porn. How many are really watching it, but dont want to admit it. The worst part about it is that he lies and cheats about it. Why? Because he enjoys it, and these women pander to him. It is a sad fact of life, but if he can't get a grip on himself (no pun intended) and focus on you then you will probably have to move on to the next addicted bastard. Or you can join them.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2009): Sorry! But, he is doing alot that you don't know about just from his actions. And possible messing around with those EX's that he is want to have babies with. He needs help and look back at his home life maybe someone let he watch porn before Pray for him that's your husband
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (14 February 2009):
I really think that if you go to counselling then you will have someone to talk to but that is it... and you are getting that for free here.
He is the one that needs counselling.
Tell him that if he won't go then you want a divorce as it is clear that he is not interested in saving this marriage. That might force him to go... and if not then you will be free of him.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, jmehdani +, writes (14 February 2009):
jmehdani is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHis parents are as sweet as they can be...mind you, I have not met them in person. They live in Morocco which is where he is from. The rest of his family is great as well. I talked to my husband about marriage counseling and he absolutely REFUSES to go. He told me that he doesn't want to go because he doesn't need it. i don't know what relationship he's been in but obviously it hasn't been this one because we need it! I have reas that people can do marriage counseling with only one of the partners going in, but I don't know how that would work out. The only time he wants to hear anything I have to say after we fight is "...you are right"...never apologizes and never admits he's wrong (unless I drag it out of him then he's doing it just to shut me up).
Before we got married, I never really noticed his lies too much. There was one that I won't go into, but it was something personal about him and I understand why he didn't tell me (FYI, i asked him if such and such was the case with him and he said no...turned out it was true he just didn't want me to know at that time). Then LITTLE stuff like, he told me he didn't have some social networking website accounts and he made it seem like he created on just for me (petty, I know...). Come to find out...he's had that account for a while becase he had been emailing random girls before we got together with it. But by that point I was in love and blinded...NOW however...
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (14 February 2009):
It sounds like this guy has a serious problem with telling the truth.
I don't know if it's compulsive to him or just that he got a hiding from his parents when he admitted to things but got away with stuff as long as he denied it.
Either way, he has issues and I don't think he is ready to be a husband to you or anyone till he sorts them out. How did you not spot this and kick his arse about it before you got married??
I think you are better off without him for now. You shouldn't have to be chasing and policing your husband, you should be enjoying him.
Leave him to it and tell him you won't have him back until he gets some help about his lying.
Good Luck!! xx
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