A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My problem is about my body... I'm 19 and I'm not overweight or fat, I'm a size 10 on top and 12 on bottom and no one has ever said anything bad or offensive about my weight that would make me feel self conscious, however, I really am.im in my fourth serious relationship and because i always know guys well and trust them before having sex i havent had a problem with it. even now, me and my boyfriend have the most amazing sex ever, my body worries dont effect that at all, but stupidly i worry about my body the rest of the time. i dont like my boyfriend seeing me get dressed in the morning (even though hes seen me naked loads of times) i just get really embarressed because i hate my body, i ask him to turn away, and although he never understands why, he does.he suggested going swimming the other day, but i said no, firstly because i hate the thought of being in a bikini infront of other people, but also because i worry my bf might think i look horrible. anyone that knows us would say i was being stupid, he does love me and always compliments the way i look and says im pretty/sexy etc, but i cant get these worries out of my head and its getting me down.we're wanting to go on holiday in the summer, but again, im worried il ruin things by being so self conscious.it doesnt help that his ex was, well... not overweight, but bigger than me, yet she was so so confident and didnt mind showing her body off, even though alot of the time it wasnt flattering...im just worried about what he thinks and dont want him to feel hes doing anything to make me feel like this. its just the way i am, but dont know how to stop it
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2009): I think there is a log of psychobabble which seems like it should make folks feel better about themselves, but it seldom works. So my advice is this… work to be perfect, you have this energy that is stressing you out and is not healthy. You look good, but you can always look better. Be healthy about it and work to perfection.
I dated a girl who was really attractive; she was about five-eight, amazing blond hair, blue eyes that you could see across a room and a body that would stop traffic. She was breathtaking, yet she had self confidence issues. She came from a small town and developed early… by 13/14 years of age she outshined everyone around.
She was treated poorly by peers and older girls who were jealous, which I have from the few friends she had back then and her family.
Anyway when we dated she would do the same thing you do and it shocked me. I’m lucky enough to land this amazing woman and she’s got issues so I can’t relish seeing her get dressed. I tried the ‘you are beautiful, no really psychobabble for years and it never helped herself confidence. Crazy to me as I could see the looks of lust in the eyes of guys when we’d go out, I’d ask her to wear something to show off a bit so she could see the other guys and girls and how they looked at her and it never worked.
So I tried something new… I told her to get off her butt and do something about it. I challenged her to stop complaining and to strive for perfection.
She moved back to the Midwest a while later to be closer to family in need and sadly I couldn’t follow. We tried a relationship at a distance for a while but in time we just let go and have an amazing friendship today.
In her strive for perfection she did what I didn’t think possible, she channeled her energy into having a better body and her today made her before seem almost ugly if possible. Her new bikini body isn’t just flat stomach, but its nice feminine abs, her bottom is more tight and round, her chest is lifted higher and she turns even more heads now. Did this make her issues go away, no, no doubt they are still in there, but does she feel a lot better about herself, yeah. She has a ‘before’ picture that most would kill for, but her ‘after’ pictures stop folks in their tracks.
My advice to you - channel what you are feeling into working to make yourself more beautiful, but do it the healthy way. Get a personal trainer, hit the gym eat the right foods and you may just stun yourself.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2009): I think there is a log of psychobabble which seems like it should make folks feel better about themselves, but it seldom works. So my advice is this… work to be perfect, you have this energy that is stressing you out and is not healthy. You look good, but you can always look better. Be healthy about it and work to perfection.
I dated a girl who was really attractive; she was about five-eight, amazing blond hair, blue eyes that you could see across a room and a body that would stop traffic. She was breathtaking, yet she had self confidence issues. She came from a small town and developed early… by 13/14 years of age she outshined everyone around.
She was treated poorly by peers and older girls who were jealous, which I have from the few friends she had back then and her family.
Anyway when we dated she would do the same thing you do and it shocked me. I’m lucky enough to land this amazing woman and she’s got issues so I can’t relish seeing her get dressed. I tried the ‘you are beautiful, no really psychobabble for years and it never helped herself confidence. Crazy to me as I could see the looks of lust in the eyes of guys when we’d go out, I’d ask her to wear something to show off a bit so she could see the other guys and girls and how they looked at her and it never worked.
So I tried something new… I told her to get off her butt and do something about it. I challenged her to stop complaining and to strive for perfection.
She moved back to the Midwest a while later to be closer to family in need and sadly I couldn’t follow. We tried a relationship at a distance for a while but in time we just let go and have an amazing friendship today.
In her strive for perfection she did what I didn’t think possible, she channeled her energy into having a better body and her today made her before seem almost ugly if possible. Her new bikini body isn’t just flat stomach, but its nice feminine abs, her bottom is more tight and round, her chest is lifted higher and she turns even more heads now. Did this make her issues go away, no, no doubt they are still in there, but does she feel a lot better about herself, yeah. She has a ‘before’ picture that most would kill for, but her ‘after’ pictures stop folks in their tracks.
My advice to you - channel what you are feeling into working to make yourself more beautiful, but do it the healthy way. Get a personal trainer, hit the gym eat the right foods and you may just stun yourself.
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A
female
reader, shiraz +, writes (17 January 2009):
hiyah, you cannot live your life worrying about things such as 'what he thinks' and 'do i look wrong or right' your bf loves you for who you are not what your not. its ok to be insecure and to worry about how we look, everyone does in todays world all the magazines and the celeb world increase this. theres diets and surgery tips surrounding everyday lives! its easy to say i know but be happy with who you are and what youve got. weigh it all up, you have a boyfriend that loves you, your relationship is strong and steady and your a size 10/12! in the real world your perfect and your lifestyle is in the best situatiobn it could be. you have the balance and security of a guy and a body which you may feel is not perfect but is something you should feel comfortable and happy in.
you cannot feel so ashamed that you feel you cannot swim, your self esteem is so low and it really needs rebuilding from what youve said i feel you could find this strength and support in your bf? he seems supportive and really loves you so confide in him about your insecurities it will ease you as a person and you wont find yourself as uncomfortable in situations. tell him, although you probably dont understand... and then go into detail like you have done in this post. explain everything to him and his support could change everything. you need the love and guidance from that one person to get you through and your lucky enough to have that, use it and be happy with it.
enjoy what youve got, what youve acheieved and the person you have become. its easy to say i wish i was different but take a look at yourself, its not really that bad. look beneath apperance, the person you really are i think once you rebuild the damage inside of you can work on the outside later on. Find yourself first. Best of luck xxx
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A
female
reader, vampchick +, writes (17 January 2009):
Stop thinking about his ex. Hes with you for a reason. Body hang ups are stupid things but everyone has them. I past on advice I got "Confidence is the most sexy thing a woman can show"
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A
female
reader, kitty_3  +, writes (17 January 2009):
 maybe you should see a therapist about this. she could help you with your anxieties. it might also help to diet...? idk, but it always makes me feel better about myself to know that i'm doing something. good luck! and remember, tons of women are in the same boat; you're not alone.
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