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male
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*erve2_1
writes: I am a 28 year old male virgin. I have never had a girlfriend. Most women find me unattractive, and those that say I am "not ugly" are those who I am very good friends with or are the wives and girlfriends of my best friends...so they are obliged to say that. I am madly in love (lust?) with an intelligent, beautiful friend at the moment, who says I am "really clever, sweet, charming, a good friend, makes her laugh etc. etc." but she will not go out with me because she just "wants to be friends". I get this all the time. If women do not run away the moment they get a whiff I might "like them" (thus ruining what was otherwise a very good friendship), they give me platitudes such as "you are so nice", "you're such a good friend", "there's someone out there for everyone" etc. I am despairing of ever finding someone who is not interested in merely the physical aspect....I know I am not the best looking guy in the world, but surely I am not that hideous that every woman I meet thinks I am ugly!
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female
reader, Amethyst  +, writes (13 August 2006):
 (;.; Are you angry toward my advice, or am I reading too much into an imaginary tone that you've typed in?)
Well, maybe... maybe sooner, or maybe you'll find someone else, who knows?! Point is, you don't want a girl unless she can look past your outer appearance, for if she does, then she's attracted to your personality, which is what really counts. I know I'm not the only one out there with this mindset. Maybe you're just not looking in the right places? Or maybe you're not going for the right type of girl?
Don't pressure her or anything, but don't give up hope yet. Keep being sweet to her, and being there for her whenever she needs you, and one day you might grab your chance to "sweep her off her feet."
I'm sorry I can't be of more help to you... you've already done all of my suggestions...
A
female
reader, bonym  +, writes (13 August 2006):
 My friend, its just a case of, you havent met the ONE yet. I dont know what you look like, but no I dont believe you are that ugly or hideous, some girls are very fussy about looks, I mean take me for example, I would rate myself 6 out of 10 for looks, others rate me 9, but its all opinions yet I am very particular about how I like my men to look, then I think, thats silly cos I dont even think I am that great looking so why should I want a perfectly gorgeous guy? It doesnt make sense. Perhaps you dont have confidence in yourself, I mean, I have this low self esteem in that, I am constantly worrying how I look to people, that stems from childhood, but it has impacted my life greatly expecially when it comes to men. When you are shy and not very confident, its as if you come across less attractive to people and they dont notice you. Have confidence in yourself and be bold and when that woman comes along, you will both know its meant to be.
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A
male
reader, Nerve2_1 +, writes (12 August 2006):
Nerve2_1 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks Amethyst, but that hasn't been my experience about girls/women...I have yet to "meet" one who was not fixated on looks and you appear to be an exception rather than the rule. That's the problem. I've changed my clothing (in fact spent quite a bit of money doing so) and my hairstyle so often, there's little left to do - I've also spent a fortune on gym membership. But perhaps you are right about her concerns about loosing a friendship...I too, do not want to do anything to jeapardise that...who knows, maybe I can win her over in a couple of years?!
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A
female
reader, Amethyst +, writes (12 August 2006):
There are girls out there who don't even CARE about looks, they are attracted to personality above all. I'm living proof, I'm considered weird for never looking at guys and saying, "Hey. He's hot!" I'm the girl that everyone gives strange looks to, because the most I ever say on my own is, "He seems sweet. I bet he's a sweet person. I dunno why but I do." This is VERY odd, especially since I am merely 16! It's SUCH a major stereotype that teen girls all go gaga over "hotties."
So don't dispair! There are girls out there like that. Some girls just don't like to date friends, they're always worried that if they screw up the relationship that the friend factor is also thrown out the window. Maybe she's one of those types of women? Or maybe you're just not letting your personality shine? Who knows, maybe she just thinks you really aren't her type and doesn't want to make you think negatively by saying so. Just keep trying, and try doing something about your looks. Nothing drastic, but maybe try a new hair style, or get some new duds. Little things like that can indeed help people give you more of a shot. Good luck!
Feel free to message me and I'll be able to help you more one on one, so as not to ask too personal a question for the world to read.
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