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I hate her for it but I can't stop loving her

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 February 2011) 2 Answers - (Newest, 14 February 2011)
A male United States age 30-35, *nstability writes:

She ripped my heart out, what should I do?

So, ive had feelings for this girl for roughly 8 months, and its been up and down as far as our friendship goes. She would let me get really close and then all of a sudden push me away and then after a while things would be ok again. Things really fell apart when we indulged in some illegal activities and her parents found out and grounded her for 2 months and i wasnt allowed to hangout with her. She just got off grounding and weve hungout every day since. We get along sooo well and have so much fun, so i started doing little tests to see if she liked me yet, and everything iv learned in "guy training" said she liked me. She would call me everyday and dropped whatever she was doing to come to wherever i was to hangout. Then one night we were sitting in my car talking and she had to leave but i wouldnt let her, we sat really close for a few mins, then i took her hand and kissed her, she kissed me back(even gave me tongue and bit my bottom lip) and then stopped suddenly and said she had to go (which she did) so i let her go. Since then weve still hungout everyday but she like pretended the kiss didnt happen. Then one night we went to a park at night by ourselves and just layed in the grass and looked at the stars. She let me like cuddle up with her but didnt cuddle back, then as she was leaving i tried kissing her again and she did the same thing as the first time but the kiss was shorter. So we talked about it and she comes to tell me that it was a mistake and we shouldnt have kissed and that she didnt want a relationship before college. (she never said she didnt like me) So i implied that she did, and then she clearly told me that she wasnt attracted to me like that and sorry she led me on...she keeps saying shes sorry but iv loved her for months (yes i know it was love, i wouldnt have fought for her for months if it wasnt) and sorrys dont fix a broken heart. She knew i liked her a lot, and she gave me the thing iv been wanting since the day we met, then turned around and ripped my heart out 3 days later. I hate her for it, but i cant stop loving her, which makes me hate her even more.

Idk what to do anymore, should i try to still be friends with her? She gives every sign in the world that she likes me but says she doesnt...maybe she does and just doesnt want to admit it? idk im so lost, Please, all im asking for is comfort and advice.

Thank you,

Branden

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2011):

Your caught up in emotions right now and can't see that to much damage has been done to you by the girl. This will be hard for you to rationalize but you have to forget about the girl because if it pans out and she decides to get involved with you you're not going to treat her right. You're going to unconsciously abuse her out of retaliation for the pain you're feeling now. This happens all the time. What you need to do is realize that girls like her come and go so don't waste your energies on her or girls like her. Save yourself for a girl who's worthy of what you have to offer. This one is not that girl. Get yourself out of the bottom of the barrel and put yourself into people and activities that have nothing to do with the girl. Let her do her thing and don't interfere. Sometimes people just aren't meant to be together. The reason why she's not into you is because there's a girl out here more fitting for you who isn't like this one that come a dime a dozen. Lift yourself up chat and squash this one in her nub. Good luck!

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A male reader, VulgaR United States +, writes (11 February 2011):

It sounds like you've made this girl out to be everything you could possibly want out of a woman. Unfortunately this feelings are reciprocal.

She just wants to be your friend. She may have gotten close with you and you guys may have even kissed, but it was purely out of friendship.

She could tell you liked her so she kissed you to appease those feelings in hope that you would stop and just be her friend.

The college thing is just an excuse so there is a reason that would let you down gently.

My advice is to be her friend or just stop seeing her entirely.

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