A
female
age
30-35,
*abyyblonde
writes:I'm having a hugeee problem with jealousy lately. I feel like it's tearing my relationship apart, but I don't know how to stop getting jealous all the time over stupid things. As some background, I'm not a very confident person in the first place. Therefore, I've always been insecure. But it has gotten so much worse ever since my boyfriend went to college and we're in a long distance relationship. When he got there he started hiding a lot of things from me, not necessarily about girls, but other stuff too. My trust in him has definitely broken down because of that, which is also contributing to the jealously. His lies make me feel paranoid, like he's always hiding something he shouldn't be.I'm starting to get jealous over the littlest things, like texts from girls, facebook comments with girls, him hanging out with girls. While he lived here, we never had a problem with this. We both didn't really like each other hanging out with the opposite sex. But ever since he's left he's done a lot more of it which is kinda freaking me out.I hate feeling jealous. I hate being the green monster in the relationship. But I have a hard time just letting things go and not letting them make me feel terrible. We're fighting and I know if I don't gain control it's going to ruin things. How can I stop feeling this way??
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2010): Keeping secrets in a relationship is a bad thing and harms trust. I think you probably have a good reason not to trust this guy. And the trust issue is what's making you jealous. And no, if he's in a relationship with you, then it's not acceptable for him to be hanging out with and texting other girls. It sounds to me like he's playing the field. It's obvious that he's not ready for serious committment yet.
Trust your instinct on this one. If you think he's lieing to you and hiding stuff, then he probably is. And I'd bet anything that there's much you don't know that would send you running.
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (12 November 2010):
 If he's lying to you then maybe that's the problem in the first place, he's not trustworthy! Not to mention it's a LDR, which not everyone can handle..and if you don't have trust in a relationship then consider it over. He lies, you get insecure and jealous but you don't let him regain the trust back. In you want this to work out you have to let him regain the trust, however, it's a LDR so you're going to have to give him the benefit of the doubt. You have to keep your insecurities in check or he will break up with you. I'd let it go, it's evident you can't trust him and you both get too jealous.
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