A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I hate being single, I'm starting to think something's wrong with me. It seems like no matter what I do, nobody is interested in me. I actually hurt myself quite badly on the way home tonight, I punched a brick wall and my shin really hurts. My ex has somebody, and I have nobody and I don't know what I have to do to have somebody of my own!
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male
reader, WhiteKnight +, writes (1 April 2009):
 Basically the benefit of online dating is it lets you browse people looking for similar things to yourself. Also it allows correspondence prior to meeting, so you can size the other person up and get a deep idea of who they are etc and if they're really interested. Its not perfect, no, but it is very useful as meeting people these days isn't very easy. And lets face it, do you truly, honestly, expect to meet what could be a woman who knocks your socks off in a real way pissed in a pub? Na, maybe for some, but I've yet to meet a couple that lasted, who met that way.
Opening lines? Well that depends on the lady you'd like to contact, her interests etc, if you share an interest then thats a great opening etc. Just be friendly, and above all, true to yourself. If you do, you'll find that you have a lot more females to talk to (and even if they're only end up being friends), but the odds are in your favour (versus the real world) that you may meet/talk to someone with which you form a spark. Lets face it, you need the spark.
There is no fast cure to being single, but if you can cut yourself some slack, and be pro-active in a real way, then you have nothing to worry about. :-) Regardless of how you feel at the moment, like the worlds out to get you and keep you single - its not, but you are if you punish yourself over it. Good luck dude, you'll meet someone, trust me :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIf online dating is a good idea, do you have any suggestions on a good opening message? I mean, how do you get started with something like that?
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow, we really do have similarities, don't we? It's always nice having somebody to relate to. Makes you realize that you're not alone.
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A
male
reader, WhiteKnight +, writes (30 March 2009):
When I split up, or rather, I was dumped, by a relatively long term girlfriend, who was everything I ever dreamed of - I put my heart and soul into that relationship, only to be dumped by text message. I found out that in less than a month she was hooked up with another guy and apparently happy - I even found out she took him to 'special places' that I took her ... that hurt, really hurt, to think that she could do that and move on so quickly, and yet it took me literally years to get over her. The thought that she was with someone else made me feel physically sick.
Eventually, I realised that I needed to get on with my life and start dating again. Yep, it was impossible for me to meet or hook up with any women - I felt like a freak, or wondered if I was really damn ugly, or acting like an asshole, when deep down I knew that wasn't the case. All my friends were in relationships, doing things with their partners, and I desperately wanted that. But no matter what I did, it just seemed I was destined to be alone.
This is how I relate to your situation. For what its worth, kudos on the fact that you're going out there, putting yourself on the market so to speak, however nights on the town are rarely good places to meet good women. Oh sure, if you're lucky you may hook up with some drunken slag for company for the night, but actually meeting the love of your life on a night out etc is in the minority.
I personally ended up resorting to online dating sites. Just put up some pics, told them what I was about, what I liked, you know the usual ... sure sometimes you never get any responses etc, and many of the ones you do get are dead ends, but the point is you can find out a lot about someone before arranging a date. You're starting on a common foot, as you'll find there are LOADS of women out there who have given up doing exactly what you're doing.
I ended up meeting someone (finally) that was great. But it wasn't easy, but the key is being pro-active, even if being pro-active is not actively looking. I know that doesn't make sense, but if you're aching for someone special by your side, the only person who is suffering is you.
The harder you look, the more difficult it gets. I reckon if you chill back on the scope, clear up your head, take a big breath and have a little trust in fate you'll be surprised. But if you want to be more pro-active, try an online dating site. At the very worst, you'll have new women to speak to, which is a damn site more than you'll get on a night out :-)
Worked for me dude.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo be honest, WhiteKnight, I think the two go hand in hand. Since I broke up with my first love, I have never enjoyed the single life. I went from speaking to somebody I loved everyday to never speaking to them. Maintaining a long distance relationship required a lot of contact, and with that contact, I didn't have much of a social life outside of the relationship. Now my social life is a lot stronger, and I'd hoped that with that I'd enjoy single living, but nothing seems to have changed.
Accepting that I'm single isn't easy, and knowing she's with somebody now makes it a lot harder. She now has somebody to go out with and have intimate moments with, which is something I crave for because I don't feel like I've had enough special and intimate encounters in my short life. A lot of my friends insist that they're always going out, finding people and getting laid. I'm lucky if I get so much as a 2nd look when I go out. I just don't know what I'm doing wrong.
What do you think of all this?
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A
male
reader, WhiteKnight +, writes (30 March 2009):
In response to your latest update, are you sure your problem isn't that you're single, or could it be because your ex isn't still single?I know thats what ate at me big style previously. Truth be told, some people just naturally don't like being single, while others love it. Analysing my past experience, I eventually reached the conclusion that my frustration at being single wasn't about not having a girlfriend, or being on my own, it was because I wasn't over my ex - and I felt that the only way to get over that was to meet and be with someone new.I don't know if thats the same with you, but I understand your frustration. Stop beating yourself up about it (literally it seems, hehe), sit back, chill out, focus on yourself, play it cool. As many say - its when you stop actively trying to hook up with someone, that someone lands in your lap. I used to think that was bullshit. But hell, its true. I don't know if its to do with vibes or what, but yeah.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'd like to apologies for my question. I guess my true feelings really showed themselves last night. Walking home from a night out generally has that affect on me. It's when I start to think "This is it... You're going home alone once again." and that's usually twined with "And your ex is probably with her new guy tonight".
I'm 20. I shouldn't feel this way! I don't know how to get on with my life and stop worrying about being single! It just won't stop.
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A
male
reader, funnyintit  +, writes (30 March 2009):
 I know what your feeling... All i can say is that there isn't much you can do. All you can do is don't go looking for a girlfriend, from my own experience, you ain't getting a girl that way.. You probably appear desperate to any girl you talk to, you can even appear desperate in the way you look at a girl in my opinion...Maybe you should just concentrate on being friends with everyone you meet for a while. Girlfriends I find come usually unexpected, and all of a sudden!Stay positive! There's f**k all wrong with you also, lots of people are single!And don't be punching brick walls, the wall wins always....
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A
male
reader, WhiteKnight +, writes (30 March 2009):
Sucks doesn't it! Everyone keeps saying crap like "theres someone out there for everyone", "well keep trying", "keep looking", until you just can't take any more platitudes!I'm sure theres nothing wrong with you - dry spells happen to everyone, and theres nothing more painful than your ex dating someone else and getting on with their lives happily, while you're single and suffering and with no prospects of someone new.I know this, because I felt exactly as you do. So I took a time out, I deliberately stopped 'looking' and 'wanting' and concentrated on my own world. It was lonely and wasn't easy, but things change, and they WILL for you too. Its not easy to have faith in that fact, but trust me, it will!Lighten up, cut yourself some slack, give yourself some breathing room, do what makes you happen. You don't NEED a girlfriend, you WANT one, thats the difference, meanwhile you're torturing yourself over why you're still single.Be happy within yourself - and the rest will happen automatically. Sounds like a bullshit cop out, I know, but its not, its the way it works - as unfair as that may seem to you.
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A
male
reader, MyDestiny  +, writes (30 March 2009):
 i feel you man...just hang in there
go out meat new people and you'll find the right one someday..you;ll soon find your soul mate
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