A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Right this may sound really stupid, and anyone who reads this is going to think I have a very low self estime and no confidence at all. But I used to go on chat rooms quite often, when I was bored or had no one to talk to on msn, and just for fun I used to go under a fake name and age, but I always put a real picture of myself up. I would get flocks of guys talking to me, and honestly I did really enjoy the attention, one of the guys I was talking to lives in the ares where I live. So I exchanged my msn addy with him and we started talking and getting to know each other and found out that we really got on. So I gave him my mobile number, but I never thought that we would end up meeting, but we did last Saturday. He is 21 years old and I am 15 (16 next month). He doesn't know this as I told him that I was 18, so he thinks our relationship is perfectly normal. So when we met up he brought some alchol and I was drinking with him, as I was nervous and a bit shy about meeting him. Anyway after we chatted we started to kiss and cuddle, we eventally ended up in bed together and blah blah im not going to go in to detail but we had sex, I was a virgin before we had sex. Well anyway, I know I was wrong not to tell him my real age, and that I should never even see him again, but i am falling in love with this guy, and I also know he is falling for me too. But this lie is huge, I know he wouldn't understand if I told him my real age, and he could also get in a lot of trouble for sleeping with someone who is under 16. So really I feel terrible, and need some help desperatly. So please don't give me a big lecture telling me that what I have done is wrong I realise this, I just don't know what to do.
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chat room, confidence, msn, shy Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2008): Just remember that you two CANNOT let this relationship get into legal trouble.
If anything bad comes about because of this relationship, he will get absoutely no leniency or understanding from the legal system whatsoever. None. He is overage and he is male.
This is literally a no-defense crime. The judge might 100% believe you both about the fact that you lied to your BF about your age, and your BF would still be considered 100% guilty of the crime in the eyes of the law. It's that simple.
The only thing that could possibly put him in a worse legal predicament would be if you were white and he was black.
A
female
reader, Bella_Babe57  +, writes (11 June 2008):
 Tell him.
If you's are falling in love, he needs to know.
Since your nearly 16, i dont think he would mind.
Good luck
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you all so so much for all the help. i have told him today, and guess what he forgave me. this has only made our relationship stronger, and i am so happy i told him now instead of waiting a few months down the line.
thanks again take care x
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A
male
reader, bobbay123 +, writes (2 June 2008):
Holiday?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your help so far, im really scared to tell him, i really don't want to lose him. I am going to tell him in a months time when I am 16, hopefully he will forgive me. Can anyone help me with any excuses I can tell him on why i can't see him for the next month?
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (1 June 2008):
You may be falling for him but at the moment you have made him responsible for a serious crime. Jen86 is wrong, the police will accuse him of grooming you over the internet and sexually assaulting you.
If he finds out what you did then he will freak out and never want to speak to you again. But you can't continue to lie to him.
What you have to do I'm afraid is to tell him some excuse and not see him again for a good few months, till you are 16. Then once you are above the age of consent, you can get back in touch, but this time tell him your real age from the start.He might still be angry and not want to see you again, but at least he won't panic thinking he's going to be put in the sex offenders register.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, lotus mama808  +, writes (1 June 2008):
 I dont know, I have a different opinion on this matter. You obviously care about this guy enough to not want to get him in to trouble, but you also care enough to want to be honest. I have been in your shoes, and what I did was I told the guy, explained how bad I felt, but reassured him that no one will ever know about it but me and him. I made sure to tell him that nothing bad would happen. He respected me for coming clean, and we had a pretty long relationship. We stayed together long after I became legal. My folks were also cool enough to have an open mind about my older boyfriend, in fact they liked him, saw that he was respectable. So that made things easier for the 2 of us. Good luck and remember, honesty is the best policy with this boyfriend-but no one else unless your parents are cool;)
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A
male
reader, WastedLife +, writes (1 June 2008):
There is only one ethical thing to do, and that is to break it off for any reason until you are legal. You might have an honest conversation with him after you are 16, but for now, just avoid him until you are of age. Don't give him guilty knowledge. As much as I believe in age gap relationships, doing so below the age of consent is putting him in real danger - regardless of the fact he didn't know. Today I read of two men that went to jail for this - they may have been dumb, but they didn't deserve jail. Let him know you need some time, and stay non-sexual with legal adults until you are at least 16. You can wait a month. Whatever you do, be decent and don't tell anyone else about this situation. The age of consent may be arbitrary, but it has real consequences, and they happen to others.
Having sex the first time triggers feelings you never expected before it happened. It's real, it's deep, and you need to be honorable here. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, bobbay123 +, writes (1 June 2008):
Well I'd just be honest and explain your feelings.
You went on a chat room but you gave yourself a different name and a different age.
Say you're 16. Let him know that you feel extremely guilty and that you wished you'd have told him sooner.
A nice guy would be understanding and forgive your mistakes and secrets.
If this guy doesnt, he's an ass, and he's not worth your time. But it's understanding that he may be very shocked and a bit upset that he's done something illegal.
However time should heal this, and you two should be stronger than ever hopefully. Remember, once this is off your chest you should feel alot more comfortable with him and have no worries at all.
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A
female
reader, toni246 +, writes (1 June 2008):
At least you know that you did something wrong and you can learn from this mistake. Dont meet up with him again and dont think about him because a lie cant stay a secret forever and if he finds out that you are underage he would go mad like if the situation was the other way round you would to
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