A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:So I have been best friends with an American man for about 12.5 years now, we met online and started as penpals , we have emailed nearly every day for 12 years and always ring each other and there for each other if we were going through a tough time break ups etc and met each other about a few times in person as I live in Ireland . But we know each other inside out. There was never talk of us having a relationship. We were best friends always there for each other so a relationship would have felt weird. He is my rock and when I got married he was there for me in the dark days and was especially there for me when I divorced from my husband. I’m 26 and he is 30.When I left my marriage he begged me to come over to the US for a few weeks to forget about the divorce for a while, when I was there he changed, he has always been the goofy funny joker always but this time he was affectionate helpful loving and just touching me a lot something I never experienced with him, one evening we got really close and had really deep conversations about life that night he sat on the bed and kissed me so passionately and we ended up having the most slow romantic passionate sex I’ve ever experienced but it felt so special . The day after he said it’s the hottest thing he’s ever done with another woman and we grinned . I took it as a one night stand and said no more until that night he layed beside me on the couch and kissed my forehead , we smiled and he then leaned in and kissed me for ages trying things with our tongues it felt so nice and so right. When we stopped he said I waited years to do that with you. My friend has had many girlfriends so when I left to go home I told myself to stop that maybe he’s just using me to have sex cause I’m vulnerable after divorce so I gave him a cold shoulder for a while. When he rang me he told me he needed to see me I had my guard up and when he came to Ireland to see me he had flowers and gave me a box of my all time favourite chocolates but in the back of my head I thought maybe I’m just another girl to him . When he came he told me that he loved me for a long time and that he finally after so long is able to feel he can express what I mean to him. Instead I told him yes you mean the world to me but we are friends nothing more and I knew when I told him it he was hurt cause he was speechless and after a minute or two he said ok well I’m respecting you for letting me know that, I knew right there and then that what I said was wrong . Things weren’t too awkward we just changed the subject and moved in well so I thought.Since then we continue to call each other I’ve visited the states since and he continues to flirt which I’m not used to he flirts with the occasional comments such as “ we would make cute babies if you weren’t playing so hard to get “ when we would go out and get drunk he would wrap his arms around me from behind and rest his head on my shoulder or once he got down on his knee when he was a little drunk one night on our way home walking on the street he called me and when I turned around he pretended to propose to me and when I’d laugh and say stop it he would say why are you denying that we like each other more than friends and I replied back and said you say that to all the girls and he said I actually don’t. Even another time he joked in front of his buddies and said this is my wife only she doesn’t know it yet. He’s tried to kiss me but I always pulled away and he would kiss my cheek instead . One evening at his house when we were both tipsy he asked if he could kiss me once on the lips at frost I said no but he promised he would ask anymore if I let him and I gave in so he kissed me slowly for about a minute and when I pulled away he sighed.About 3 months ago he dated a girl but kept telling me she’s not the one it felt to me he was trying to reassure me that he’s still here if I want him and then he ended that relationship about 2 weeks before I was due to come over to him. A part of me is now realising that maybe he does have true feelings cause being honest I am crazy about him only I was afraid to get into a relationship so soon after my divorce especially with a man I consider my best friend. I’ve booked a flight over to him which he did find odd of me to be coming twice during the summer when I told him I could hear in his voice how excited he was as I never see him much during the previous summers so this is a first , when I told him he said gosh you must be missing me that you are coming back again so soon , and we both laughed , but I know I’ll regret it if I don’t express it now and admit I was being stubborn with my feelings . I want to tell him that what I said wasn’t how i truely felt. Even last time I was there I wanted to kiss him all the time and I wanted to relive the night we first slept together I wanted to hold him and be his lady but I felt I just couldn’t jump in then after all the shade I gave him months previous . Now I wake up and get butterflies when I get a message from him. It’s just I don’t want him to feel I’m playing games , I have asked myself can I see us get deeper and serious and being honest I can and I can see myself incredibly happy with him because he knows me so well and always knows when I am down or when I need him he’s always on the first flight to me. What is the best way to tell him without him thinking I’m playing games. I’ve always cared about him and loved him but the feelings I had since the night he first ever kissed me has strengthen those feelings intensely . Any advice anyone has I’d appreciate . I just hope I’m right that I am getting his signs of affection as signals that he does truly want a relationship and not just another girl he drops after a while . What’s the best way to do this cause this isn’t just any guy it’s my best friend . . Thank you .
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best friend, divorce, drunk, flirt, flowers, met online, moved in, one night stand Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (11 November 2018):
 What other way could there be than just saying it to him? You don’t want to play games? Well that’s exactly what you are doing. He told you how he felt then you lied to his face. Why would you tell him you only see him as a friend if you don’t?
You need to discuss how this relationship can be viable such as living arrangements as I wouldn’t hold out too much hope if you’re planning to do this long distance.
Just be honest, stop messing around.
A
female
reader, CherryR07 +, writes (10 November 2018):
The best way to tell him, is just by sitting down, and telling him the truth. Obviously, he loves you a lot, the fact that he's not giving up on you, and is on the first flight to you just shows that. He is head over heels for you. Explain to him, what you've told us on here. You were going through a tough time back then, and he seems like the type who'll understand that, especially because he was there whilst you were going through that time. Just be completely honest. If he doesn't make a move on you, then make one on him. Do something before it's too late.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (29 July 2018):
 All this would be cleared up if you just talk about practical things like one of you moving to US or Ireland, permanently, not just as long as it's still romantic. People who conduct long distance relationships are in it for the thrill because they don't want the daily mundane routines that regular couples go through. They can say goodbye to lovers easily and without drama. If you don't do the down to earth talk with him, it will forever be the expensive trips back and forth and all the romantic fluff over the phone.
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