A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I recently had sex with an old friend, and now he is avoiding me. We've been circling each other for years, had periodic make outs, and are always very touchy feely with each other, but we've never made the big move before. We're both with other people, but neither in a long term or serious thing. He's always been the guy I can go to about everything, a charmer but not an insincere jerk. So we met up, had coffee, all the while he's touching my hands and kissing my hair, but thats not hugely unusual, but when he dropped me home we got a little carried away and ended up having sex. He was really sweet and serious, we talked alot, laughed, it was really comfortable. He even said that he didn't think I was right when I'd said, years ago, that we wouldn't work together. And now, nothing. He lives in another city and after he went back he's barely spoken to me, answered texts in monosyllables, none of the usual banter. He's not the jerk, he's not a bad guy, so why is he acting like one???
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male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (24 February 2012):
I think it is fair to say that sex usually changes the dynamics of a relationship. From what you say about him, and from my own experience, I would think that he was in love with you and now is confused what to do next. If he felt no emotions then I don't see any reason for his changing unless he is a real jerk and was playing you just for sex for all this time. What do you want? Do you just want to keep meeting for a drink and occasional sex? Tell him how you feel, ask him how he does. Apart from sending SMS messages phones have an amazing feature where you can speak into them and actually hear the other person as well! This is a really great way of communicating, try it!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2012): Yeah it could be a lot of things OP but one thing is for sure he is being a jerk and a bad guy. So he may not be those things but he is acting that way.
Just phone him and ask him to talk about what happened and take it from there.
OP he's not being a very good friend at the moment and if his reason sounds more like an excuse then he's being an asshole.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (22 February 2012):
 There could be a million reasons - you are going to have to ask him.
Maybe he feels the relationship has changed now you have had sex and he feels uncomfortable being just friends and going back to how you were before.
Maybe he was after sex all these years and made you think he wasnt a jerk just to get you into bed, and now he has had sex with you he is no longer interested.
Maybe things are getting serious with the girl he is seeing so he is trying to distance himself from you.
Maybe he feels guilty for sleeping with you behind this other girl's back.
The list could go on and on, but you are going to have to ask him if you want a definitive answer.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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