A
male
age
41-50,
*fc1981
writes:I had sex with a guy whos gay and in relationship should i tell his partner even if it means ever one else will find out that i am gayI had serveral sexually flings with this guy, he has a boy friend but there never do much in bed, he allows me and only me to do anything i like, which i have should i tell the other lad what i have done, i am frightned he might tell, or even want me to join in even though i dont fancy either, i only had the fling becuase he will not tell anyone Reply to this Question
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male
reader, efc1981 +, writes (16 July 2008):
efc1981 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice.
I did look into looking for girls 6 years ago but I never went out or tried.
But now I jsut want to try going out with girls and trying a relationship to see if i am trully happy if i not, then I know what i might have to do.
But until I do try it with a girl, not just sex a relationship i will not know what i am missing
I got tested a few months ago and was clean but i be going again few weeks before holiday to get tested for STI's to make sure the holdiay will be a blast
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (16 July 2008):
 Hi, efc, I agree with the posters who told you that you should not tell his boyfriend, it is indeed something that is between the two of them.
I have to ask, are you going to try relationships with girls because you want to or because you feel you have to? I have a number of gay friends who did go through relationships with women but realized that they were fighting their true orientation, and were miserable. Once they were able to 'come out' as gay, they were able to find true love with a partner that suited them in every way. Some of these guys are in decades long relationships, they are truly committed to their partners.
So I think that it's probably a good idea to find out if heterosexual sex turns you on, and I applaud you for planning to be upfront about it with the woman. Make sure that you are practicing safe sex, I give the same advice to everyone on this; you do not want to expose yourself or your partner to STDs that you might know you have contracted.
At the end of the day, I think, we all want a relationship with someone who matches us emotionally, sexually, spiritually, aspirationally (meaning you have similar goals in life). So take some time to think about that and don't forget that sex is just part of a whole relationship.
Good luck in your quest.
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A
male
reader, efc1981 +, writes (16 July 2008):
efc1981 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the current comments, for one he is a lot older then me around 40 years older which seems wrong, but he was the only guy that i could trust to have fun, and I regret it. I decided last time would be the last time, and I did tell him I be hunting girls from now on, which is true and he will not be seeing me, he was upset becuase he likes me and whishes i would be his b/f but no way
So I think I will leave it becuase I am not coming out or dont want anyone to know that i like that kind of sex until i have tried relationships with girls, but i going to be truthful with girls teeling them of my past since I rather haev a happy relationship then one with a deep dark secret
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2008): If you cared how the other partner was going to feel about it you wouldn't have slept with the guy in the first place. You want to tell the other partner now because you want the guy to yourself??? or is it to get back at the man you slept with?
If you're going to intentionally hurt someone, at least have a GOOD reason to be brutally honest.
There are SO many men out there, why do you have to mess with someone else's heart? He can't be THAT good...and if he is...he learned somewhere. So go find THAT source.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2008): Yes, tell him. There's nothing I like more than a bunch of homosexuals beating the crap out of each other.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (16 July 2008):
 It's not your relationship, therefore, it isn't your place to tell. Pure and simple. Your relationship is with him, not with his partner. He is being unfaithful with you, but that doesn't give you any rights within any of his other relationships. People always want to run to the cheated on partner and tell, but that's just mean! Isn't it bad enough that their partner is cheating on you, without their lover running to you and saying "I slept with your man!"? Besides, if you only had the fling because he wouldn't tell anyone, So, why on earth would you want to tell his lover? I'm not sure what your motivation is here. You don't say you love him, you aren't "out" yet, but yet you want to tell his guy? There has to be another angle. It's either some kind of revenge sex, some kind of competition that you want to "win" this guy for yourself, or that you have fallen in love with him. What's up?
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (16 July 2008):
 I don't quite understand ... you had sex with a guy but you don't fancy him?? But did you do this because you are secretly gay, and it's your only sexual outlet with a guy? And now you're scared he'll tell someone, so you want to say first yourself? Otherwise, why should you tell the partner? That is the guy's responsibility, right?
It all sounds a bit messy to me. Why don't you come out as being gay, and then find a guy who (a) you fancy and (b) is free? That would be much less stressful, I think ; )
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A
female
reader, Cherriepie +, writes (16 July 2008):
 being Bi or gay means cheating is a matter of your own conscience and whatever morality you live with. with the relaltionships I have had with other girls, its always been casual, so i never have called it cheating. If they have a staedy girl or guy I let them sort it out, if needed to.
stay out of thieir relationship and as not as your going to get serious and only in it for the sex, then you should be ok. are they married..not likely...so don't worry!
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