A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm trying to recover from an always unrequited love. They were my good friend beforehand and they know that I like them. I just never told them that I love them, to spare us both the humiliation. I told her that I liked her almost a month ago now. I told her that I know she doesn't feel the same way and that I am sorry but I need some time apart. She suggested that we just went along as normal but I insisted that I needed some space. I am doing my best to get over her, its not easy but I think its the right thing to do. At least I thought so at the time.Today she sent me a message, the rough outline being;"How long are you going to keep avoiding me for? I'm really annoyed, not at you in particular, but at this situation."She has left me very stuck and has ruined my plan. I had originally intended to discuss it no further until I felt that I could just be her friend. At this point I would see her again and act as if I just hadn't seen a good friend for a while, leaving no tension and having a good friend.Her bringing this up forces me to respond. I want her as a friend but I think her sending me this isn't helping me at all. I'm forced into one of two corners;1) Tell her that I need more time. She obviously isn't very sympathetic with this option and probably won't wish to talk to me again. She may also realise that I love her and that's why I need so much time. I'm sure if she found out that I love her it would only be more awkward when we next meet. That is if she doesn't just give up on this friendship completely. 2) Tell her that its cool and I'm fine. We can continue to be friends just like before. The only major problem being I will continue to pine over her and will prolong my recovery, probably ten fold. This will result in another two options. A) I am still reluctant to contact her. We drift apart.B) I contact her regularly and stay good friends. I die inside. I'm surprised how aggressive she was in her text but I'm not sure if I'm just misinterpreting what she is trying to say? Why would she be really annoyed? Not at me "in particular"? So still fairly annoyed at me, right? What's wrong with the situation? Am I missing something here? I did not choose to feel this way, I do not want to feel this way but I do. Why cant she understand this? I've been thinking about it a lot and really need some help. I'm feeling so frustrated and annoyed. I had begun to put this all behind me but now am forced to try and talk it out. I didn't want this to become complicated and awkward. I don't even know where to start to answer her. Help!
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (19 November 2008):
 Girls are socialized to keep things all "nicey-nicey" and while this is a sweeping generalization, this might apply to your situation. She doesn't want to have anyone angry with her or ignoring her for whatever reason. Frankly, if you want to drive her crazy, simply don't respond to the text. Don't engage in the discussion that will follow if you do. That is, if you are serious about how strongly you feel about her.
She sounds a bit insensitive and clueless... not exactly Miss Perfect, you know? And why that word 'annoyed'? That IS aggressive. I think you're still looking at her through rose-colored glasses.
Have you spent a great deal of time together? If you haven't, then this text is really rather mean-spirited. She's picking at the wound.
Seriously, does she keep several men on her string? Some girls only feel good about themselves if they have 3 or 4 guys on hold and dancing. Can you be objective about her and really take a long look at her?
Don't feel you have to respond right away. Text her back with, "sorry, been busy... of course we're friends, why wouldn't we be? just don't have much time right now. I'll catch up with you in a week or two."
Then simply don't contact her. Sounds awful, but you need to buy yourself some time. That ought to do it.
But hon, she's not sounding so great to me...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI remembered something that she may have taken offence by, even though none was intended, and asked her if that was what was wrong. I also asked her to spell it out for me if that wasnt why she was cross.
She replied saying that she was only half cross because of what I had thought and partly because she thought that I had forgotten about her as a friend.
If only she knew the half of it.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (18 November 2008):
I think you can just not reply.
Carry on trying to get over her and text her when you are ready to be her friend.
I think she probably didn't mean it to come across so harshly.
Just carry on doing your own thing and you can be friends with her when you are ready.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2008): If you want to be her friend in the near future, I think you need to tell her that you loved her and need some more time, or tell her your fine now and its ok to be friends and try and get over her. The longer you keep avoiding her, the more distant she will become. I've been avoiding a young lady now for 3 months, because I was madly inlove with her, but she didn't feel the same way and now I get the feeling she hates me. I don't think the other person can ever understand how much it hurts to be around them, when you have feelings for them but they don't feel the same way. If you want the pain to end quicker, I would suggest cutting her out of your life and just move on.
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