A
female
age
51-59,
*ia73minx2017
writes:I am married, my husband is my best friend and I really don't deserve him. This is my second marriage to the same man, we married,divorced cos he left me for someone else and we were both very young first time anyway. We got back together and were together 10 years before this marriage last year...however I had a sexual relationship with his cousin, a lot of fun, first texting, secret phonecalls, we lived a long way away so our first get together took some organizing. We moved nearer for different reasons and a full blown affair started. Four years it lasted, I developed feelings for "cousin" and when he realised he stopped seeing me....I feel stupid, ugly, disgusting but I don't know how to stop wanting him? Since my husband and I were married I've not seen anyone and don't want to, but my feelings are making me ill?!
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female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (22 September 2017):
 A four year affair takes a lot... a lot of lying and a lot of commitment to those lies.
The fact that you're pining after your husband's cousin, whom dumped you by the way, makes me squirm. It's like you still haven't gained any knowledge from said experience, it's like you haven't learned. In no way have you tried to be decent to your husband in all of this...
I don't get it??!! Was it initially tit for tat on your end? Because quite clearly the cousin was just some horny and selfish douche but what's your excuse?
Look, your hubby done what he done all those years ago, it didn't need avenging. I feel that if you took him back, you should have forgiven and held up your end of the bargain as in: stay committed. It wasn't an invitation for you to invite this guy into your marriage and into your bed. It's just too close for home as well. The reason why this comes as shock to me is because it was carried out for so long, for years of your life... Years of lying, ducking and hiding evidence. Years of planning and plotting. It's almost unforgivable.
You have to come clean to your husband. You have to go for counselling provided he still wants to be with you after all of this. You have to apologize and you have to mean it.
Honestly I don't know if your marriage will recover from this because an affair is one thing but you've fallen for your husband's cousin which is on 'Jerry Springer' level of "woah!".
If you do not love your husband then you should leave him. Give him the chance to love again apart from loving you but just don't lay next to him with his cousin on your mind. That's just wrong on so many levels.
I hope that what you've done sinks in and you become remorseful so that you can work on yourself and move on.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2017): Well, cheating seems to be a common-element in your recycled-marriage.
You learned nothing from the first incident of infidelity that tore you apart.
I think there may have been quite a bit of scorn and retribution behind your fling with the cousin. You felt pretty good about messing around with his cousin; because it was a devious way you could get back at your husband.
One of the most spiteful things anyone can do to their ex; is have sex with an ex's sibling, or a close-relative. It's nasty and venomous. Brimming with meanness and very underhanded. It was by no coincidence, that was planned!
I think the affair started out of spite; but as karma would have it, it turned on you and bit you in the ass.
Anyway you put it, your marriage is a lie. You wanted your husband back only to soothe your bruised-ego after losing him to someone else; and only after being rejected by his cousin.
Your husband will either find-out about the fling from his cousin; or you will have to tell him.
If you're still feeling for his cousin; your marriage is only a scam. You don't really care as deeply for your husband as you're pretending to his face. The truth always finds its way out of the darkness, my dear!
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (21 September 2017):
 Your husband was honest with you and now you need to be honest to him. This marriage will never work unless you tell him the truth. Your feelings are making you ill, but what about the guilt that you have? Surely you cannot live the rest off your life a lie?
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (21 September 2017):
 You need to seek counselling and own up to your husband. If it was a once off, it may not be necessary - but four years!
You need to tell your husband and accept the consequences, or the guilt will most likely eat at you.
You didn't even end the affair, his cousin did. It also took organising every single time, so it was deliberate, not an "accidental" hook up one time.
I won't judge you, but your moral compass needs fixing and hiding it from your husband is cruel; he deserves to know and decide if he wants to work through it or not.
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