A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Im married and had had a affair for 4 and a half years. He is married too. Im 33 and he is 44. Weve been having a great time, really excellent sexual relationship - no comittment - no pressure - the all of a sudden he said he thinks it time to call it a day, out of the blue, im confused and bewildered as to whative done. wed talk nearly every day or text see each other maybe twice a month - nothing heavy I emailed him asking but he sent a general reply saying he'd email soon. that was ten days ago. What do I do. i feel so rejected, probably because theres no love shown in my marriage - I just dont know
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2007):
I think something in women's brains just filters the words out when a man says he's not committing to her even though they're having sex.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2007): He's done with you.. Sorry to say.. I can tell you no sex is good forever.. No man or women can be good looking enough to satisfy you forever.. When it comes to lust its like any other material thing you just get tired of it and thats the truth.. About your marriage.. You dont have to hurt this man.. You dont have to tell him to prove anything.. Leave him because you know you've been dishonest in this suppose to be commitment.. I know its hard to do.. But you owe him that.. Youve cheated on him because you dont really love him like you confess to him.. Dont be unfair to him or yourself.. Leave him and dont ever marry again until you fall in love..
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (24 October 2007):
 Hi,
"no commitment - no pressure" your words, you said it yourself.
He's moved on to the next girl I would say. No committment no pressure.
Or there may even be the chance that he is trying to save his own marriage.
Is there are reason why at 33 you are still married to your husband after 4 years of having an affair?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2007): I think one reason folks are reacting to your post the way they are is the cavalier way in which you present your affair, or probably more so, the casual way that your description of your affair reflects a cavalier concern, for your marriage. Did you believe that the affair was a relationship of love that would patch the problems in your marriage?
You yourself say this affair of yours was not committed and a lot of fun. You are reacting like you believed that there was a committment in your affair. No committment = no future and no obligation to each other. He's gone because, for whatever reason, he wants to be gone and because he never loved you. He was not even your friend.
That leaves you with your marriage. Perhaps it is time to attempt to fix that, because a committment was made when you entered that relationship.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (23 October 2007):
 He probably realized he's been behaving like an asshole to his wife and decided to dump the chippy. Or maybe he's found a new piece of meat to hang out with. Who knows? Anyway it's not like he owes you an explanation or anything else for that matter.
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A
female
reader, girlwhoneedshelp +, writes (23 October 2007):
 You are not making a very good impression of us women are you? I understand completely that love in a relationship can die with time but it is totally unfair for you not to let your partner know this. How would you feel if you found out your husband didn't love you anymore and had been having regular sex with another woman for over 4 years. This really is awful and the only explanation for it is cowardice. You need to tell your husband. I highly doubt he will forgive you unless he has been doing the same as over 4 years is a hell of a long time and not a one off. If you have any children do no stay together for the sake of them. Think of your husband, something you haven't been doing for the past 4 years.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (23 October 2007):
 It's time to let the husband know what you've been up to for 4 1/2 years. The problem with affairs is NOT working to find out what's going on in the marriage. Your not allowed to have any kind of sexual relationship when your married. Be an adult and tell your husband, and either work on what's wrong in the marriage or get out before you start seeking elsewhere.
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