A
female
age
51-59,
*oControl
writes:I have been married for almost 16 years now (together since high school). I had an affair for just over a year. We broke up last summer because of it but got back together. I continued to cheat with the same man. My husband recently found out that it was going on again. He still wants to be with me and forgive me. God only knows why! I am no longer cheating but I don't know if I want to be married or single at this point. We have children, so this is not an easy decision but I am just not sure if my husband is the "one" anymore. And, I don't want to hurt him by cheating again. Where do I go from here? My husband is supposed to be moving out but he doesn't want to. The indecision is killing us both. I need to decide one way or the other soon.
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female
reader, NoControl +, writes (2 May 2011):
NoControl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am very much in love with the man I had an affair with but I recently broke it off. He went back to his wife. I am heartbroken and torn apart. I miss him more than I imagined I would. I don't want to be with my husband now. It's just not the same. Don't know if or how I can re-kindle with my husband. Our affair lasted over a year. Not sure how to forget him. It's horrible!
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (26 April 2011):
 Well I think it is kind of obvious that your husband is not the one for you because you cheated for so long I just dont see how you could cheat on him if he was the one for you and if you were entirely happy I dont think you would have cheated.
I guess the best thing for you at this moment would be to have a trial seperation with your husband and give yourself some space as a single woman to see what you want. I know it is never easy when there is children involved but I think it is for the best so you can sort out your head and see what you really want. Its no good staying with your husband out of guilt or for the sake of your children as you will only end up being unfaithful again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2011): 2 things, something wasn't right or you wouldn't have cheated, or was it plain boredom and the need for excitement?
16 years and children is alot to consider - your husband sounds like a saint and one who genuinely loves you
No matter what he says though, living together when the trusts gone will never be easy - will he ever let you out of his sight again? Will he resist having digs at you?
Nobody but you can decide the next move.... leaving is kinder than lying n cheating again n again though
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A
female
reader, amber jarvey  +, writes (26 April 2011):
I have been their i know what you are feeling, i wont go into it but let me tell you, i do know how awful it feels to be in that situation. You dont say wether or not you have feelings for this man you were having an affair with? how long it went on for? and how long you were apart before you rekindled your affair?. I think if we are not happy in our relationships we WILL look elsewhere, we are only human afterall, i am not condoning that what you have done is right but i myself cant really say an awful lot!.I think if you feel as if you are not happy then you arent! there is no middle ground here. Maybe you need to try and take a break from your husband. Sometimes this can make people grow fonder of eachother and in turn you might realise you do actually love him and miss him, of course your children will wonder why but it might be the best thing you have ever done for all of you. Everyone needs space, i wish when i was going through a similar thing i had the money to have moved out for a while on my own with my son to get my head around things because to this day i am still confused, dont put yourself through that. It really is the best thing for your marriage even if your husband doesnt feel that right now. If the spark is still hiding their somewhere a time out, no matter how hurt your husband may be really is the only way to find it again x
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