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female
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anonymous
writes: About one year ago I was drinking and a guy made a move on me. Having no second thoughts at the time i went with it. One thing lead to another and he ended up stripping me and himself down and throwing me onto the bed. From there i know i told him i didnt want to have sex. He was on top of me and I thought he was fingering me. Even under the influence the pain was unlike anything i have ever experienced. I was crying and telling him i didnt want to do it and repeatedly asking him to stop but he kept saying its only my fingers. There was alot of blood and it hurt really bad. Im still not sure if we had sex or he was just fingering me. The memory is all a blur. I havent talked to him since. Is there any way to know if im a virgin or not?
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fingering, move on, still a virgin Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2008): same thing happened to me i just went to the doc they had results in less than a week i am a virgin!!
A
female
reader, chazx  +, writes (26 July 2006):
 i dont think it would be a very good idea to ask him what happed
first he wouldnt admit to it and second he could do something else.
well if you dont want to talk about it to anyone then how about email me a few times a month to chat if you have any other worrys or problems because i have also recently been sexual assaulted by a guy that i knew so i know how you feel its just i managed to report it in time but it looks like my case might be thrown out because my best mate who i saw straight after the incident wont testify against him so i am stuck.
but if you ever want to email me my email address is [email address blocked]
we can talk about it together as i never speak to anyone about it.
Good Luck babe.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAs for the age question, I am now 17 and at the time of the incident I was 16 and he is the same age. Because of my age, I cant go to a doctor to be checked for any STD's because my family would then know. However I am not sexually active and understand the importance of being tested before i decide that im ready. I also would be unwilling to talk to anybody about this because people knowing would be worse than the incident itself.
Even though I havent talked to him since, I did know him previous to the incident and actually i hated him, we did not get along at all. I feel like the best way to find out what exactly happened would be to ask him. The problem is that I have no idea to go about doing it, especially with the fact that we arent on very good terms. Any ideas?
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2006): I don't think you should "definitely" report this. It happened a long time ago and, as you say, you arn't even sure what *did* happen.
I think it should be a lesson to be more careful when you are in an environment where you are drunk. Try to stay with friends and do not go off with any guys that you do not know and trust well.
As for the virginity thing, I think it might be better to just say you are still a virgin, because you hardly chose to "loose it" to any one. It will always be a very difficult time trying to explain what happened to you to a future boyfriend or guy who is interested in you.
One last thing I would say; do go and get yourself checked out for any sexual transmitted diseases - just in case. You want to be 100% sure you are ok before getting sexually involved with any one in the future.
Good luck and I'm sorry to hear about what happened to you - I hope you can move on and put that experience behind you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2006): My dear, i am so sorry you've had such an experience. There is probably no way of telling whether he used his fingers or his penis, but either way you have been sexually assaulted and should definitely report this. Perhaps his fingernails were long or something (I have bled from being fingered) but if you were in that mush pain he may have actually raped you. I don't know how old you are, or how old he is, but anyhow SEE YOUR DOCTOR. Get a pregnancy and std check just in case (I don't want to frighten you, but its better to be safe than sorry). You never know, your doctor might even be able to recommend a counsellor or someone else who can help you. But go to the police as well, because you most certainly have been sexually assaulted. You may not have proof but if you give his name at least they can question him. May I recommend eye-poking as a good form of getting these losers to get off of you, if words don't seem to do the trick. The eye is one of the most sensitive parts of the body. Or if your hands are not free, head-butt him if you can. If simply asking him doesn't work, you need to resort to physical defence. Good luck, hope everything turns out ok.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2006): If he didn't rape you, it can still be considered sexual assault.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the feedback. I dont see if it is possible to accuse somebody of raping me when I am unsure if we even had sex. Isn't it possible that i could of just been cut or he was just to rough with his hands?
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A
male
reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (24 July 2006):
 I agree with chazx as you have been raped. I also agree that you are no longer a virgin and this is a very serious matter and should be addressed IMMEDIATLEY. Rape is hard to prove and it has been a while since but you have to get some kind of professional help in the meantime. I hope you get the help you need. I'm praying for you. Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, chazx +, writes (24 July 2006):
hello if there was alot of blood and you was a virgin before i am very sure that you are not a virgin now because masturbating is not a form of sex so it would not have made you bleed if it was your first time.i think you need to talk to a councellor or somebody about this because it may seem scary to you at the moment but if you said no and he carried on that means i think you may have been raped so speak to a proffesional and ask what you should do.no you are not a virgin anymore.
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