A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I found a panty liner in the trash can in boyfriend's bathroom in his room. Mind you, it was on the top of the trash and there are 2 other bathrooms in his house before you get to his bedroom bathroom. He said he didn't know how it got there and that it's trash. We have supposedly been exclusive for several months now. Other explanations haven't added up either. Is he cheating? I guess I wish he would admit it. I know that sounds stupid. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 July 2019):
 Yeah, then if there are not any female relatives or close friends living there or visiting , obviously your bf is bullshitting you big time and he knows very well whose panties that pantyliner was lining.
As a matter of fact, it would still have been a bit strange if a sister or cousin visiting him had used HIS personal ensuite bathroom ( when 2 more were available ) and dropped a pantyliner there. Strange, but not totally impossible. Some people are more absent-mimded, or more informal , than others.
But like this ? You would have to assume that some mysterious stranger has trespassed and broken in, with the only intent to remove and discard her pantyliner : WTF ?!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2019): I only said '...supposedly exclusive...' because we did have a discussion on exclusivity and had both agreed on it. But given what I found, I wasn't sure of his being exclusive. That was why I sounded iffy on the exclusivity portion.
Thanks all for the feedback.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2019): Everyone seems to have missed the part where you wrote you have supposedly been exclusive for months now, so in other words you allowed an open relationship where you could both sleep with other people? Your relationship rules were muddied on meeting and dating
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 July 2019):
 No cleaning lady either, dog walker, cat-sitter ?
(though I CAN NOT imagine a cleaning lady leaving THAT out in the trash, she would probably EMPTY the trash as part of a routine... but ya know?)
If it makes you go hmmm... I would stick to that gut feeling. And it shows 2 things... either he is a GOOD liar or have at least ONE woman come visit who is comfortable enough to use the bedroom bathroom OR
He is BOTH a liar and seeing someone else.
It's just to weird.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2019): Well, only women use pantyliners; and I would be terrified if something appears in my house that I don't know how it got there!
You mentioned in the post that other explanations didn't add-up. Well, if he didn't invite a young female family-member to the house; he has a lady-ghost who uses pantyliners. Maybe the cable-lady left it!
It would be extremely inappropriate for even a family-member to leave such a thing in his bathroom. Visible for him, or anyone else to see!!! It would have to be someone who wasn't very classy; or who intentionally wanted to get him busted. No woman of any amount of sophistication, or of culture and refinement, would leave something like that in plain-sight. Let alone leave it on-top of the trash. She must have been a quickie, or a one-night-stand! Maybe an ex stopped-by!
Okay, here's the deal. You haven't known this guy that long; and you're in the introductory-stage of getting to know something about each other. A person who starts-out lying, or showing evidence of dishonesty from the get-go; I wouldn't attempt to start anything serious. A liar will never allow you to develop trust; and there is no sense in subjecting this guy to your distrust and suspicion. If you're insecure now, you always will be.
His credibility is questionable. My advice...swipe to the left, and move-on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2019): No one lives there but him-supposedly. And no other female family member had been there to leave it.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (16 July 2019):
 There is not enough information here to give you any kind of guidance.
Some interesting questions might be:
Who else lives in your boyfriends house?
.....
ummmmm
well I guess without an answer to that I haven't got any questions.
Here is some general wisdom that may or may not apply to your situation.
If it looks like a duck, and if it quacks like a duck, it's a duck.
Trust is the "stuff" that relationships are made up of. If you don't have any trust, then you can't have any relationship.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 July 2019):
Yes, he is right... it's trash but he is also LYING through his teeth when he says he doesn't know where it came from. UNLESS he has had SO many women in his house lately that he is telling the truth (in the sense that he doesn't know WHO left it).
Does it mean he is cheating? Not necessarily. Could be a sister, female friend or mom who dumped the pantyliner. As for choosing the bathroom of his bedroom, maybe ti was cleanest? Or had toilet paper... it can be the little things that makes you choose a bathroom.
ONE thing is for sure, HE didn't put it there. A woman did.
WHO that woman is impossible for ANY of us to know or guess.
YOU have to decide if there is cause for immediately jumping to "he is cheating" conclusion or if you just feel this is off and he IS lying or if this is something irrelevant.
Personally, I find it iffy but not conclusive.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (16 July 2019):
 Hi Op,
Does not sound stupid for wanting the truth. However, women are know for their "Gut feelings", and if mine was screaming at me, I would not be waiting for the truth.
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