A
female
age
41-50,
*sazsa
writes:i need help, my husband and i is sufffering right now, he works abroad, last june3 i was raped, and a month ago he comes home,after that i noticed i was pregnant but not with my husband and with the person who raped me whom i dont know from nowhere. i never told my husband anything about what happened afraid that he might leave me and my family. i really loved my husband so much.when i gave birth i was so happy and even forget things that happened to me and accept and put in my mind that its my husbands baby. but then days passes by and my husband is wondering and asking me if its his child because he feels that its not him. i always deny and yesterday i already told him the truth, he really got angry with me, and did not believe me.. he is asking if i have someone else when he is not around.but i swear i do not have any 3rd party it s just that i lied to him because i cant leave without him.right now were in great trouble he really get mad at me and his family. i dont know what to do? what will happen to the baby? pls help me soon i really need advices.. what if he leaves me i dont know what to do without him.. i cant face everybody because of keeping the secret which i never told to anyone because i cant bear to see evrybody looking at me and tease me also me husband.. pls help Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): yes he leaft me and right now i am nowhere to run, i realy loved him, i dont know what to do, his family also mad at me becoz of what happened.. =zsazsa
A
male
reader, Chaddles  +, writes (15 May 2009):
Don't worry, he's just a little upset.
But I personally wouldn't do that, that's just coward. Walking out and not listening.
That's just awful. If you think he's givin up, move on. (But I don't want this to happen. If this option happens, I'll feel bad.)
Don't kill yourself, it's not your fault. And you can talk to me or anyone else on this site or any other rape victim website.
http://en.allexperts.com/q/Rape-Counseling-1570/Giving-support-Rape-victim.htm -- Hope this site helps.
http://www.pcar.org/ --- And this one.
Just please, don't kill yourself. You can't give up.
Just, don't. Now I'm feeling a bit down. :'(
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A
female
reader, zsazsa +, writes (15 May 2009):
zsazsa is verified as being by the original poster of the questionchaddles, thank you for your advice at least i quite smiled for your advice.. right now i needed someone to talk to.. im in a big trouble right now, my husband just left a night ago, and he is accusing me of things that i did not do and things that is right, although i cant blame him, i ruined his trust, he is telling me that its been a year since i kept that secret and never told him which i cant blame him.. i am loosing hope, i think im gonna die,. i cant afford to lose my husband..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2009): it seems as though you genuinely wanted a baby and the manner it was conceived did not matter to you. althoug it is difficult please try to get some counselling. your situation is just not right. we are not living in the dark ages. if people have access to internet surely they have access to some sort of medical assistance and counselling.
something is not adding up here.
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A
male
reader, Chaddles +, writes (14 May 2009):
With the family, just brush off their comments.
YOU'RE BETTER THAN THEM! THEY HAVEN'T GONE THROUGH WHAT YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH!
Sorry for Caps, just that it sickens me that they could hate you for an incident they know little about.
Don't tell the mother of your husband, they will only think that you're a REALLY bad person.
If it's too much for you, just never make contact until they know what happened.
I'll give you as much options as possible. From my little 14 year old knowledge. But I'm doing my best. :)
Don't forget: "Dignity is a important, special and personal treasure. Let no one ruin it or take it away."
Sorry if that didn't make sense. Just be happy and do what you can to smooth things over.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2009): i think if you told the truth in the first place you would not be in this hell hole right now. you were WRONG to lie to your husband and family.
yes, the rape was not your fault but pretending the baby is your hb's is. i think you are expecting a lot from your hb to accept a baby which is a by product of a violation meaning a rape. you did not want people to know about the rape but now people will know that you lied. which is a greater sin.
two wrongs do not make a right.
i hope for your sake things work out. i feel really sorry for this baby who is innocent but will have to now live a life os such stigma attached to it. you couls have avoided all of this (perhaps even an abortion) but you chose to deal with this the wrong way.
your hb is not the bad guy here.
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A
female
reader, zsazsa +, writes (13 May 2009):
zsazsa is verified as being by the original poster of the questionto all those who have replied,thank you for your advice i need more advices.. i really loved my husband and i dont know what to do if he left me.. i know its also my fault of not telling him. nobody even my friends didnt know what had happened to me and the baby.. they all know was it was with my husband. the only thing left with me is my dignity, i dont know what to do but his family is mad at me and ashamed of what i did. i was very sad right now that i cant help and loosing hope.. i wanted to prove them that i dont have any 3rd party. im really in a big big trouble right now.. here in the philippines, there are no such thing like there in the states as marriage counseling or anything, here is very poor country..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2009): DNA is really only useful if you already have a suspect and are cross-checking. It's not like there's a DNA database out there and you can check for hits, not that I'm aware of anyway. HOWEVER, if they narrow it down to a suspect, they can check that person's DNA against the child's to determine paternity...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2009): it was horrible that you were raped but what you have done to your husband is perhaps also just as bad - passing off a strangers child as his own.
i think you have major issues in your marraige now (like trust issues as a start) and only marriage counselling can help both of you. it is so sad that your baby will suffer as a result of your lies. please aslo confide in someone whom you can trust totally, you never did deal with the rape and later on this will affect you. have you considered what you will tell your baby later in life - you need professional counselling so that later on you don't see this child as a burden and resent it. you need some help and also need to understand what your husband is feeling.
it does not make him a bad man because he is now questioning the baby's paternity. he is shocked to say the least. only time will heal his pain and yours.
please, please see help regarding the rape and the consequences of it.
good luck
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A
male
reader, Chaddles +, writes (12 May 2009):
Look, just tell him and say when it happened and every detail. Like the rapers facial features and clothing.
If your husband still doesn't believe you, just go to the police and tell them.
They will try their best to find them. But it's difficult if you don't have any DNA in/on you.
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