A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I've never done this before, but then again...I've never had the sort of problem that I have now. I am 26, and have a bf that is 28. When things started out, they were good. My bf seemed really into me. Lately, (and we've been together a year and two months), he doesn't seem physically attracted to me. He never initiates sex, and when we do have sex at my urging, we don't kiss. Actually, we haven't really made out in a long time. Months probably. He spends nearly every night at my apartment and we spend a lot of time together. I don't think he is cheating on my per se. However, today...I left him alone in my apartment and went to work so that he could study for a final exam. When I came home from work I realized that he had been google searching images of kathryn heigel, britney spears, scarlett johansen and others. It was a little bit of a shock, because he never seems that into me and yet it appears his sex drive is alive and well and just suited to me. I don't know what to do. Do I scalp our "good" relationship that is primarily a friendship? Do I talk to him about it? I think that if I do, he'll brush it off and things will remain the same. Also, I have to admit I'm a little hurt that he looked at porn on my comp. I'm not an anti-porn person, but in light of our non-physical relationship, it stings. Advice appreciated. Thanks.
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male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (13 May 2009):
 Your happiness must be your priority. It is not at all selfish to discard what makes you unhappy. It may be difficult to find a man today who does not occasionally view porn, and that can be acceptable to some degree, but not when the man prefers the porn over you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2009): really sorry to hear that your partners actions are affecting your self esteem. I too have recently had the same problem with a man who only wants sex with me once a fortnight at a push claiming to have a low sex drive but not at all deterred by porn on the net.
real sex is about connecting and commiting to a person on a deep level and what i am beggining to suspect is they are turned off to the idea of sex with us because they dont want that level of commitment and emotional connection. I think it is subconscious and because of this our partners can provide or know a decent answer to their own actions. Porn is a way of having your pleasures without the emotional attachment involved and this is all some men want due to low emotional intellegence. althought i understand it i still think it is unnaceptable and not adequate for a relationship. You are a woman with real needs, emotional and sexual, dont put yourself on the backburner and deny yourself the fulfilment and pleasure you deserve. Unless you can talk through the problem and he is receptive to your valid upset on this issue you should look elsewhere to a more deserving and receptive partner, that is what i intend to do. good luck!
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A
female
reader, Megumi  +, writes (12 May 2009):
I live with my boyfriend and we've been together for nearly a year now. I have had longer relationships and even took the plunge and got married... That took a turn for the worst, however I have never had this problem with a partner... Untill now, I've always had an extreaming high sex drive and have even had conversations with my dooctor in the past regarding the subject... My boyfriend and I have always had a healthy sex life and I enjoy being with him but lately he dose not seem intrested. I asked him why and he gave me reasonable answers and I could understand where he was comming from. So I deceided to let it go and give him time, he lets me use his laptop sometimes and I never snoop or check his history but the other day by mistake I got a mail form a friend saying that there was an unreal drunken fight on youtube I had to check out... So I typed in "Drunk" and all this drunke high school porn came up on the history! I was really crushed and I do not know what to do or how to adress this... It's made me so unhappy and I feel so unattractive... Plaese help me...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2009): He has a problem! Esp if its affecting you and how your feeling. If your going to break up good you coz believe me it will only get worse. If he is worth keeping however try talking it over first what have you got to lose? If you dont like his anwers say seeya later!
Things will only change if he admits he has a problem and most wont do that to be honest. Good Luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank for your opinion doublem. There were other things that he was looking at as well...actual porn sites with images of people having sex. I think I'm just going to break up with him. I'm tired of feeling this way.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (12 May 2009):
Well I'm a much older advisor who did not have the ubiquitous access to pornography of today, but it seems that porno addiction is now rampant among young adult men, in particular. It also seems the reliance affects sexual relationships with wives as well as lovers. Finally, it may be an incurable addiction if it causes indifference to a trusting relationship and the woman's sexual needs. But, is looking at Britney Spears and others sans panties really pornography?
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