A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Where do I begin,my life's just been a roller coaster ride..when I was 15 I started seeing this guy from my class and we dated all through secondary and high school and rolled into the same university for further studies in new jersey..he was basket ball,and foot ball player so he got a scholarship to various universities but he picked the college I got into,I asked him a lot of times not to do but he dint agree and we got into the same university!he continued to play sports here but got into some real bad company,he wouldn't hang out with me as much,his phone would be switched would take hours to reply to my text..I later found out his grades were dropping so I finally caught hold of him sat him down and asked him what's with this act!?and he said he just can't face me anymore cuz he got into a lot of trouble and I dint get it at the time,but he then confessed he got into drugs due to which he wld pass out for days even!I was so worried I literally begged him and I put him to rehab and then when he was out I moved out of the dorm and we took an apartment together so I could take care of him myself..I graduated he dint cuz of everything he went thru,he dint even tell me that he quit college,he said that studies is not for him and he will get a job..weeks,months,passed away he dint get a job and I was taking care of all his needs and I dint complain although I would tell him to get a job cuz he was just getting lazier each day..one of my friend who is doing very well for himself I asked him if he could employ my boyfriend there,and he agreed to do so for me and I got my boyfriend his first job,now here's the twist things between us began to change,he would just come back from work and go to sleep I try talking but he wouldn't I later found out from my friend that he is having an affair with a woman working in the office and I come back home to talk to him about this and he was packing his bags to leave!I was left dumbstruck I wanted to scream,shout,my heart was aching..he said he can't to this anymore he's not ready for this relationship,he just wants to date girls and he's seeing someone now and is leaving!I gave my heart my soul my everything into this relationship and is this what I get??him just packing and leaving..no courtesy to even sit down and talk about it,was I that bad?I'm just hurt and depressed..I feel like I have nothing left to give anyone anymore..how do I get over this??
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female
reader, Stayc63088  +, writes (27 August 2012):
 Well you move on like any break up. Only you have the amazing benefit of knowing you were a great girlfriend who did everything and he fucked it up completely. Most of us wonder what we did wrong and wish we could have done differently and blame ourselves for the break up. You did nothing wrong, you helped him and damn near saved his life and he shit all over you. Well I promise you he will see it one day and kick himself in the ass for treating you how he did. You were supportive and loving and helped him out of his rut. That's an amazing girlfriend and person. So don't for a second feel down on yourself. He seriously screwed up for reasons that are probably because he's too immature to handle right now. Move on with your head held high. But the next guy you date, dump him if he starts the behavior. Don't get into a cycle of helping losers. Look forward to meeting someone who appreciates all you do for them. He will be a lucky man. And if you need any tips on how to deal with the break up and moving past him you can email and talk with me here, I have experience with tough break ups and sometimes it helps to have someone to talk to.
A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (27 August 2012):
 Hi,
Sorry... It's going to be difficult for a while, because you still love him. You have the right to feel this way, anyone in your shoes would feel the same. Have you heard that sound: too much love will kill you everytime.... I am sure you heard your own true story somewhere else, I am sure he loved you, that's why he chose to go same university as you. The thing is, along the way, he drifted apart, and it's not his fault, nor yours. The truth is that he's not ready to be in a serious relationship, I know you did so much for him, sacrifice so much.... I am sure you are a great person, kind, caring, never complain, supportive, etc. But, maybe all those things you did out of love was just suffocating him. I am sure he's grateful to you in many ways, but maybe he felt guilty, and obligated to you. He said he wants to date, be free, enjoy his young life. Maybe, if you guys met few years later, he could've been ready for you, I just think he's not ready for a serious relationship. I know, you heard this plenty, it's not your fault, and this is not about you being good girlfriend, or good enough for him. This is about him.... In regards to his behavior in just leaving, people are different, he was probably feeling bad, and guilty and didn't know how to handle the situation and just left. You both are young, this is probably your 1st serious relationship. "You get hurt when you expect something back". This will take sometime, but I promise you that it will get easier, and one day out of the blue you won't feel anymore.
Good luck/best wishes
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (27 August 2012):
 And I need to tell you that I say this because I have been in your shoes so many times. I fall very easily for the "needy" ones, the ones who need rescue. I fall for the ones who have no self esteem, who needs to be build up, the ones who need that extra push and moral support. I always end up falling for those guys, and I get them jobs, I help them with their studies, I help with their body image. And what is the thanks? They grow into self loving selfish pricks who still can't do anything on their own because they always need me to do everything for them.
It's not worth it!!
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (27 August 2012):
You weren't his girlfriend, you were acting like his mother. It was not your job to take are of him. That was his job. If he wasn't mature enough to deal with his own life then you should have ended things right then and there. Because this is what happens! Men who are free-riders and who are immature and can't take care of themselves can't be equals in a relationship between two adults. He also lied to you on several occasions (he didn't tell you about the drugs at first, he didn't tell you he dropped out of college). You should not be in a relationship with a liar, because they will always continue to lie. And then they move on to having affairs etc.
All this comes from not respecting you, and being immature.
Next you need to date a man who is an adult, who takes care of himself, and who is DEPENDABLE. Not a child. Do not enter the role of a mother in a relationship, because you will get the shit end of the stick that way. You need to demand more things from a man.
I want to tell you, good riddance. This man was NOT someone who could make you happy. All through your relationship he took advantage of your good will, and you were naive enough to trust him blindly. He didn't appreciate that, and he wouldn't ever have appreciated that in the future either. Your future with him would have been all about you sacrificing and sacrificing and working so hard for him, while he would do nothing in return.
It is a good thing he left! Do not take him back when he comes crawling (and I think he will come crawling, because I do not think his new girlfriend is going to put up with all the things you put up with).
In the future, never try to "save" a man, or help him with his life. If he is not an adult who can take care of himself, then he will bring you down. Never date a man who needs to change, because he wont. Do not date a man like this one again, and do not fall into the role as a mother again. A relationship is between two equal adults, not between an immature boy and an overworked mother who sacrifices everything without anything in return.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 August 2012):
 How do you get over it? By accepting that this guy wasn't ready.
He ought to be grateful that you stood by him through all that he went through, but I think him leaving you is him trying to cut off his past.
You can't make a person want to be in a relationship, no matter how much you do for them and how much you love them.
Focus on you, and your life. Let him go.
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