A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:He was my first. I got pregnant.I was ecstatic.He had genital herpes all the time.He just never had an outbreak.so he didn't know.I caught it during the first trimester and had an outbreak all over my cervix.The doctor wrote it on paper that genital herpes affected the pregnancy.They pumped me with antibiotics,pain killers since I caught it at 36 my body had no antibodies to fight it.It lasted for 3 weeks turned into a staph infection.I was given more antibiotics.I got the baby terminated when the doctor gave me a written report that the baby was affected.I didn't think I would survive the decision. Relied on friends and the Lord .I got through.My boyfriend has changed. I don't think he has forgiven me.He doesn't even talk about it but he is still with me.There are barely any kisses or hugs.He says I am too tense during sex.I don't feel any emotion from him.So I am not able to respond.There is no foreplay. I have a strong feeling he will never be able to forgive me.I am really good with instincts.He still chooses to be with me which doesn't make any sense to me.Some help would be appreciated understanding the situation.
View related questions:
cervix, foreplay, herpes Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (20 January 2016):
 I assume that you are in the autistic spectrum? If that is the case, then no he does not deserve better. Please don't put yourself down. What you choose to do was the right decision for you. He threatened you, this behavior is not at all acceptable, the way I see it is he does not deserve you. You deserve better than this.
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (20 January 2016):
 There are a lot of reasons why your boyfriend may feel the way he does right now. Ultimately, you will have to talk to him one-on-one to determine his stance.
Here are some thoughts though to consider:
1) He could be grieving. One for the baby and two for giving you an incurable disease. If I had done that to someone, I would certainly feel awful about it. In regards to the child, he may be upset that you couldn't carry out the pregnancy or has religious qualms about how it all went down (but then again, if you are religious, why are you having sex?)
2) Things get very real with pregnancies. Suddenly you are looking at "forever" with that person -- or at least until they turn 18. Perhaps on one level he feels he dodged a bullet and realizes that he doesn't want to have any part of raising a family. You haven't given us any clues as to his desire in this regard, but it is certainly something to consider.
3) He may also be struggling with guilt -- sex was the cause of the herpes and the pregnancy. His avoidance of you may indicate that he doesn't want a repeat.
Again, you will have to "man up" and talk to him about it. It may also be smart to see a therapist to talk about this if you feel you are having problems getting to the root of the issue.
Keep in mind you both have just gone through an extremely emotional period, so things will be dicey for the near future.
Eddie
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2016): I was not a virgin when I met him.I had an arranged marriage before that was never consummated right.I never had any STDs before since I was a virgin before my marriage.Aunt honesty is right.I should have spoken about it to him. He threatened me with physical violence during a simple fight which was not about the baby.so I had broken up with him for two weeks while this happened.I was diagnosed with Herpes much before that.I told him of my decision before we broke up.I loved the baby way too much to let it see grow up neurologically affected or be in distress. I got back with him again and I broke up with him today.He deserves better than a girl in an autistic spectrum. Thanks for all the answers.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (19 January 2016):
My guess is that you have both changed in the relationship. Terminating a pregnancy can be hard on both of you. Maybe he needs to talk to someone about how he feels. If it was recommended that you have an abortion well then you don't need to be forgiven for anything. But as a couple this is something that you should have dealt with together and he should have been there as these decisions where made. It sounds to me like you both haven't communicated very well. You cannot brush something like this under the carpet and expect it to go away.
Sex for you now is uncomfortable because off what you have went through. You both need to talk about your feelings to each other and support each other.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2016): You are under a lot of stress don't add self-blame to it. If anybody is to blame, it's him. You were a virgin when he met you and he gave you teh herpes. He was irresponsible for not having tested himself. You trusted him.
But blaming won't get things fixed.
Focus on yourself and you wellbeing. Tell him whatyou want out of life.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 January 2016):
 You talk about forgiveness, but for what? If the doctor recommended you terminated the pregnancy then there was a good reason for this, and getting herpes and going on antibiotics and having an infection isn't something you wanted or went through for fun.
There's nothing to forgive, because you have not betrayed him. But these things take time to overcome. If you stay together or not, give each other time to heal.
...............................
|
