A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear all, I have been dating this guy for around 2 years and never really saw him enough,( I have spoken to him on numerous occasions about this and still he wants it his way ,and no change) so recently have started going out more with freinds and enjoying myself at the weekends and have taken up new hobbies during the week such as swimming and a writing class which I am enjoying alot. I wasn't doing that much before as I stupidly was hanging around waiting for him!! Anyway, he's been going nuts and called me last week tuesday asking why I had not called him on the saturday night, and that he was calling to see if I was ok, and was generally angry, and then he called a day or so later and I was on my way out again and told him I would call him when I got in . I did and he did not answer, then he called the next day and told me in a really annoyed way that he ' had been to bed early whilst I was out Partying( Infact- I was just out for pizza with a girlfreind..) then he asked me what time I got in and was really fuming and annoyed, and asked me if I was 'recovering' from my night out . I am in no way rubbing it in by telling him if he asks me what I have been doing, but don't see why I should hide it. I mean, what does he expect me to do? I think he has a cheek asking me loads of questions and being annoyed when he has had all this time to pull his socks up and see me a bit more. I wasn't asking for much, just like a bit more over the weekend and once during the week. He is acting jealous possesive and annoyed and is not even trying to hide it that he hates it and is upset. Does this mean he will improve? or is he just being a idiot and will stay an idiot. Maybe he is worried I might move on. but in that case, he should do something about it. I cannot believe his audacity. He is blatently angry, but I am not going to go back to sitting at home waiting for him. I've done that one. I do love him , but am struggling and a bit surprised that he has reacted to strongly . Will he get used to the fact that I actually have a life now and calm down? I would appreciate your views. Thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2013): Because he likes being 'in control' when he loses control, he moves on to somebody new.
OR
Does what you want for a while to keep the peace then reverts back when he thinks your back in line.
Your bloke sounds like a kid throwing his toys out the pram. He thinks your unreasonable - but you don't say how frequently you two see each other so perhaps you are too demanding?
Anyway you waited 2 years to change your behaviour so he was used to the relationship the way it was.
Now you finally have a life and his attention but its anger - not love - he is showing.
What does that tell you?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Oldbag,and anon. I could well do without it. He.s trying to get his own back on me this weekend,by not seeing me. That.s fine. I told him i am going to see my freinds! He hates what.s happening,and I can.t see where it.s going to end,unless I end it,as he is not compromising at all right now,and keeps getting himself in a state,but it does serve him right. What he doesn.t seem to realise is that the more he acts like this,the more he pushes me away. I told him that,and he.s still doing it. I.m learning hnx to be without him very well. Not sure he can keep getting angry? He will have to back down,or i.m out of it. It.s very controlling,and his behaviour has unerved me somewhat. I think i.ll just continue to enjoy my new stuff,and work my way out of it. What do these controlling type guys end up doing in situations like this? Thanx
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (18 May 2013):
 Hi
I think your doing the right thing and his reaction just shows he thought he had you right where he wanted you.
You have shown you have had enough of sitting around by your actions and if he doesn't like it, then tough.He had his chance to 'step up' and blew it.
If you weren't getting your needs met, he didn't give you enough time, which you had explained, then he has to face the consequences.
I don't know what his work/social/family commitments are but after 2 years you would expect an engagement or some concrete future plan as well as his time.
Now to decide if there is a future for you both, after all your life is filling up nicely so do you really need the aggravation he brings?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2013): I honestly had THE EXACT same problem.
We even are the same age group.
I'd sit around, waiting for dates that never came.
So I started just going out with friend, getting new hobbies, going running alone. And in the beginning I'd tell him where I was going, then I just stopped doing that.
The he started to get mad because I "was always with my friends" - HUGE red flag, super manipulative. So I eventually realized that I could do it without him. I felt like he didn't even try to be with me.
That was one of the main reasons why I broke up with him. Shows he is not fair, has double standards and that he'd probably manipulate me more into the relationship.
So.. think carefully. That is a very controlling, childish, manipulative thing for him to do.
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