A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Last night I was drinking with my flatmates and they gave me beer - me: female 31 and them: males 38 and 39 and I just went through a breakup. So I woke up this morning in my flatmates bed naked. I don't find him attractive at all. Infact I was grossed out. I asked him what did we do and he said we didn't have full on sex. But it's making me worry. When I drink I get really horny. I worry if I have a sex addiction. I don't remember what we did and probably that means I should stop drinking ? But I find I cannot concentrate on life if I don't have someone to sleep with even when sober and when I do get someone they call me insatiable. This guy was flattered because he said looking like I do I could have anyone. He seemed disappointed that I didn't want to do it again. He tried to kiss me and I said no I felt bad but I really didn't want to. Now I feel bad that he really likes me and I don't. So awkward.
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female
reader, Alwin  +, writes (29 June 2021):
 DONt drink with these people, they took advantage of your drunken state and vulnerability and had sex with you. Go get tested for STDs. I wouldn't be too surprised if they tried to get you drunk on purpose, don't feel awkward at all, be upfront and say you're not interested. What he did was VERY wrong.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2021): You should feel safe with who you live with, you should be able to drink in your own home. What's disgustingly clear is you have someone sharing this home willing to take advantage of you. Seriously, leave that house - or if it's your house then those guys are out on their asses. Drinking to the point of not remembering anything is risky behaviour for your own health and wellbeing, but who knows whether those guys slipped something into your drink without you knowing? If you drink to that point regularly then you need to take steps to be stopping, if this was a first occurrence then I'd be even more concerned you were drugged and would go to the police. I'd not take for granted he's telling the truth and take steps now to get yourself tested, emergency contraception too would be a good idea but a doctor can advise if you're outside the window of it being effective.This will be a stressful, anxious time but please don't ignore what's happened and try to bury it away, seek support ASAP from close friends, family or even start by talking to a doctor and seeing what services they might be able to refer you to.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2021): Well, here is some good advice. Don't want to wake up in a bad situation or a situation which makes you look cheap, easy or causes you to lose your own self respect? Don't do anything to put yourself in that position. Like losing all control by getting drunk. We all have control of how much we drink. You can have a few drinks while maintaining your dignity and self respect. Sorry but I think it is trashy to get that drunk that you don't remember what you did. I would never put myself in that position.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2021): He doesn't necessarily have any true romantic-attraction for you; I suspect he just wants to have sex. I'd get myself checked for STD's, just in case.
He's got the wrong idea, and you best set him straight!!!
You have male roommates, and you can't risk being intoxicated out of your mind under such living arrangements! I think you need to seek alcoholic rehabilitation; if drinking is such a problem that you find yourself frequently drunk, you are prone to blackouts, and unable to remember what you've done. Living with two males, that is dangerous!
Be unmistakably clear with your roommate(s) that you have no romantic or sexual-interest towards either of them. He knew you were drunk, and had no business in your bed naked; I don't care if you did invite him in. The law advises men to refuse and refrain from having sex; knowing a woman is not in a frame of mind to consent without question. It can be considered rape. That is a serious thing, and it makes harder for true cases sexual-assault; when women are irresponsible and sloppy. I'm not saying this to place quilt upon you, or to make you upset. It's just that serious! If you weren't concerned, you wouldn't have been moved to write a post to DC.
A gentleman does not take advantage of an intoxicated-woman who doesn't realize what she's doing. Technically and legally, that is not considered consensual-sex. It blurs the line between consent and rape. You could get pregnant, if you don't use birth control contraception; and you should be tested for any immediate std infection. In 30 days, or slightly more, seek a battery of tests for more serious asymptomatic venereal disease.
If you're horny when you're drunk, you should know better than getting too drunk around two men under the same roof; who have access to your bedroom, while you're passed-out!!! God forbid, but if it ever comes down to a matter of sexual-assault charges, you'll weaken your own defense! It shouldn't even be that way, but laws regarding consent can differ by state. Protect yourself, sweetheart!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 June 2021):
 Yeah, you definitely need to stop drinking. You weren't just drunk, you were blackout drunk if you have no memory of events. Or as Kenny suggests, you could have been spiked. How well do you know these roommates?
"But I find I cannot concentrate on life if I don't have someone to sleep with even when sober". It sounds like an excuse.
If this is the first time you have found yourself in a guy's bed you didn't want to sleep with, you should talk to a counselor.
And I think you need to consider finding another place to live, maybe with female roommates?
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (23 June 2021):
 Just treat this experience as a learning curve, and know for next time not to do this again.
If you have a beer with them again, don't drink so much that you can't remember what you did. I don't know how well you know them, or how long you have been living with them but it is advisable being that you are the only woman with two guys to keep an eye on your drinking and have your wits about you. Also keep an eye on your drink, i'm not saying this happened but be mindful of the fact that someone could spike your drink. Normally people that have been spiked have no recollection of the night before or what they did.
Regarding feeling awkward , all you can be is upfront and honest and say you are not interested and you don't see him in this way.
If it gets to awkward then maybe find alternative living arrangements.
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