A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I will keep this brief, but I am just wondering what compels a previously close guy friend to be really friendly and flirty with you... as if anticipating something more when he thinks you’re single, but then he learns that you’re back with your ex and his attitude completely changes. As in... he becomes withdrawn (the friendly manner and frequency of contact changes), he says a few nasty comments and then he ghosts you completely. Prior to all of this, we were really close friends. Feelings eventually got in the way. I left my ex because I was unhappy, this guy friend had me believe the grass was greener with him. Said I deserved better because of how my ex treated me. He’d been given multiple chances to be in a relationship with me, but each time we got close he’d - in his words “freak out” and bail. Disappear... and then establish contact weeks later, as if to start the process all over again. We never slept together. I was the one to reach out this last time, I genuinely appreciate his friendship and said I’d like to still be friends with him. He reciprocated - so I thought (prior to learning I’m back with ex) but his contact with me slowly increased, texting and calling... sending kiss emojis and suggesting we meet up. But the minute I told him I was back with my ex, his whole attitude changed and he became withdrawn and lashed out at me with with a nasty text message. The text basically said he was happy he never got in a relationship with me. Then he ghosted me. I’m hurt, and I don’t understand why... if everything was starting to mend between us, he’d just cut contact and be so nasty... all because I’m back with my ex. Just seems he’s of the view that if I’m not single, he’d rather not have anything to do with me.
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (4 August 2018):
 A couple of reasons come to mind.
Firstly, although he couldn't rise to the occasion of being your boyfriend, he still wanted you "on the back burner", waiting until he was (perhaps one day?) ready.
Secondly, perhaps he genuinely does think you deserve better than the ex you have gone back to and thinks you are letting yourself down. After all, the ex became an ex for a reason. If he has not changed, then you will just replay the splitting you scenario again down the road.
Whatever his reasons, I think you and he have different agendas. YOU want a friend while HE isn't quite sure WHAT he wants.
Leave him be. Don't pursue him. Make new friends.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (4 August 2018):
 Because even IF he was playing games he STILL has feelings and NO ONE likes rejection.
The thing is, I would stop worrying about him and how he acted. You now know what kind of GUY he is when it comes down to it. So why are you so dead set on keeping him around?. Someone who thinks it's OK to insult you, who plays games with you and overall act like a brat?
And yes, he probably felt ENTITLED to DICTATE who you should date or be with (even if HE didn't want a relationship with you) because he is an immature twat.
Focus all that attention you are giving this man-child on your BF and yourself. Block him and let him go.
He isn't a friend.
And if he is your age (30-35) I would DEFINITELY keep him out of my life, the actions and behaviors he has shown have been that of a inexperienced and immature boy, not a GROWN man.
Also if you WANT your relationship to work with your ex-now-BF-again then cutting contact with this good would probably help you too.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2018): Honeypie, I don’t understand why he’d be hurt if it was all a game to begin with. During our last conversation, he’d made a point of saying that he was avoiding discussion about my decision to get back with my ex because he’d “get cranky” with me. A few days later is when he threw the nasty comments and ghosted me. Just not sure what even has him assume he’s entitled to an opinion on my decisions, when he bailed on a relationship with me twice.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 August 2018):
He wanted to be able to continue to string you along or be available for casual stuff. And when you didn't PLAY that "game" of his... He took his "ball and went home".
I think you are MUCH better off, blocking this guy and letting him go.
A good friend doesn't throw nasty comments at you and then vanish.
Once there are something romantic, flirtation or whatnot going on it ALTERS the friendship and not for the better in most cases.
And OP, you can't be so dense that you don't know why...
You were single and fell for some mild flirtation and empty promises and when YOU didn't get what you wanted (the greener grass) you skedaddled back to your ex. You think that didn't hurt HIM? (even if he is something of a twat.. he might still have feelings too).
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2018): Seriously? Because he was only interested in you when you were SINGLE. Now that you're not, he's moving on. Just like you said "Just seems he’s of the view that if I’m not single, he’d rather not have anything to do with me." your statement is correct. Leave him alone and focus on your relationship.
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