A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I’m so confused over my ex girlfriend. We were together for around 5 months, we got on well and as far as I was aware everything was going fine. Then out of the blue, she told me she felt we should split up and stop seeing each other. Her reason was that she had a lot of work to do, was going to be busy for the next 8 months, simply didn’t have time for a relationship and that is wasn’t fair for me to have a girlfriend who I couldn’t see. This didn’t make sense to me, since shed told me she really liked me, that she didn’t really want us to split up and felt I was the ‘perfect boyfriend’. Why would she want to stop our relationship and risk me meeting somebody else if she felt this way? Also, id explained how I felt about her and that I didn’t mind if we took things a little slower and only seen each other once or twice a week, instead of most nights as we had been. However, she said she had made up her mind so I accepted her decision and we went our separate ways.Two months passed, I hadn’t seen or heard from my ex, and although at the beginning I felt devastated, I was finally starting to think about my ex less and less, and felt I was starting to get over her. Then one day I just happen to bump into her, she looked beautiful. I didn’t want an atmosphere so exchanged smiles and asked her how she was. Later that evening I got a text from my ex, saying how nice it was to see me that day, that she had missed me so much and wanted to talk. I met her a couple of days later, talked and we decided to start seeing each other again, only take things slow.This was two months ago, we seemed to be getting on better than ever, and it seemed obvious this girl liked me just as much as I liked her. Although, we hadn’t spoke about us being together, it seemed obvious that things were going that way. Then just last week, I got a text from a female friend, who I went to college with. I hadn’t seen her for a while, but didn’t want to be rude so replied to her text being polite. My ex was told by a friend of hers that I had text this girl from college and wasn’t very happy at all, she got jealous thinking I was seeing somebody else, and said we should stop seeing each other. I explained that I was replying to be nice and that it was just as friends, I even showed her the texts to reassure her. However, she wouldn’t believe me and said I should have told her if girls were texting me and that she needed a bit of time to think about things. I understood how it could look, but was frustrated as there was nothing in it at all. I explained that we hadn’t actually talked about bin together, so therefore I didn’t know were I stood with regards to how she would feel if I text another girl, even if it was just a friend or if she would want to know if a girl had text me. After all I’m not a mind reader. Plus are you not allowed to have friends of the opposite sex when your actually seeing somebody?Regardless I gave her some time and space, before getting back in touch. Her response was that, she couldn’t change her mind, that she felt like she couldn’t trust me and wanted to just leave things. This annoyed me, I hadn’t actually done anything wrong, I had showed her the texts and after all was texting a friend. I hadn’t done anything previous for her to doubt me at all and so she should trust and believe me right? I have known this girl for 10 months in total, and am head over heels in love with her. I tried to reassure her that there was nothing in the texts, told her that I really liked her, was only interested in her and that I wanted her to be my girlfriend. Her response was that she does really like me and isn’t interested in anyone else, but that she had issues regarding the fact id text another girl, that she doesn’t want a boyfriend and so we should just leave things at that. I really don’t understand this girl, how can she say to leave things if she likes me and we get on well? What more can I do to get her to believe me about the texts messages? And how can I get her to change her mind about us seeing each other or should I just walk away? Please help I’m so confused!
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male
reader, Royofthe Rovers +, writes (10 May 2007):
 Sounds to me like she has some trust issues from her past or just part of her character. Whether or not the mistrust was called for, her issues have to be resolved by herself and she has to aknowledge this.
it seems to me you have handled it as well as could of been done, you stayed patient and gave her time and it doesnt sound like you lost your temper with her.
Maybe she shouldnt of got back with you? I dont know. She seesms fairly confused on how she feels, but there is little you can do about this.
Of course you can female friends in a relationship, that should not be an issue. Maybe something similiar happened to her before which would answer her reaction to the texts. If this was the case she probably had a mixture of bad memories and emotions flood back, which she thought she had got rid of.
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