A
female
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Jovial
writes:Few weeks ago a friend of mine found out her fiancée has a child by a girl from his neighborhood and all this were unknown to her, you can imagine the pain she felt, she was and still is heartbroken and perplexed by what the man she loved and trusted had done to her, she feels she can never trust him or any man for that matter again as this was a final blow to their on and off relationship of four and a half years.As usual the guy had been apologizing non stop saying the same old lines he uses when he had been caught. I had to call him and I told him to stop manipulating her feelings because he knows how much she loved and respected him besides all his other infidelities but he believes if he stops calling he might loose her forever typical immature man I know…… and that really made me wonder why didn’t he think about that when sleeping around and making babies with other women? he said it was a mistake, he wasn’t thinking straight and never wanted to hurt her, hello this is the fourth time he had been caught and worst part every time it’s a different woman and on top of that now there is child, you will how many women she didn’t know about in situations like this.Frankly I feel he need to let this poor girl move on with her life I feel he had embarrassed her enough, her colleagues are talking about it, everywhere she goes she wishes the earth can just open and swallow her. One may ask why did this girl waited for her boyfriend to cheat on her for the fourth time, but like any other girl in-love, love blinded her and clouded her judgment. All the signs were there but she refused to acknowledge them because the truth might never set you free. Everytime he begged her forgiveness she thought it was a mistake and believed he will change and realise how much she is worth, sound familiar? And did that happen? Hell nooo! Unfortunately what she didn’t realise was that repeating the same mistake twice is stupid. He kept cheating, she kept making the same mistake of taking him back. The weird thing about her behaviour is that it’s a pattern that most women if not all with unfaithful partners do; I know I did that before not once. This is a very destructive pattern that any woman who finds herself in it must try by all means to break it before it breaks her. I once told my friend why can't she take my life as her case study because life is too short for her to learn from her own mistakes and she said her boyfriend was different from my ex (my child’s father) because he was a plain player period. When a shadow like this befalls her believe me you really want to say “I told you so” but you cannot because the pain she is going through is the same pain you once went through. I used the child’s excuse to take him back, I felt like people were judging me and not wanting me to be happy. I will tell them they don’t understand and now when I look back they did understand, I was the one who couldn’t understand maybe I didn’t want to understand because the love I had for him was really….. you know what I mean. All I wanted was to love him, make him happy and ensure my son grows with a mother and a father under the same roof, what I did not realise was that my ex was not in a position to give back unfortunately he enjoyed the attention I gave him that’s why he kept coming in and out as he pleases unfortunately as you can't have it all I matured and realised how stupid I had been to allow him to do that to me I deserve better and he was not better which is not what I was looking for. One day I said to him you need to choose between me and this woman you had been seeing behind my back, he didn’t believe me because he knew that I have never raised that issue before he used to say he will break it off with her and I will leave it at that trusting that he will be a man enough to honor his word. When he realised I was serious he told me he cant choose because we are just too different people which makes it difficult for him to choose, that moment I felt a sharp pain in my stomach I couldn’t believe what he just said, how disrespectful he had become, my blood was boiling and I said to him then don’t worry I will make the choice for you: keep her and get out of my apartment and never look back, he looked at me threateningly and I said shush believe me it felt good knowing that after all this years of stupidity I still had a clever bone in control of my life. Today I am free of this man and have made a new life for myself and my son. By the way it took me more than a year to totally forgive him even though he never apologised because I knew its good for my health and sanity, so I told myself I don’t know where this guy was, what he was doing if he was happy or not but the bottom line was that the bitterness and the resentment I felt towards him was weighing heavily in my heart, I was too angry at myself for allowing him to betray me over and over for 7yrs I asked myself a lot of whys and never get the answer and I said to myself okay you were more than foolish but you only have one life to live and you are gonna forgive this guy and yourself and bounce back. Believe me forgiveness is the most beautiful thing after love you can do for yourself and your sanity. REMEMBER YOU FORGIVE, YOU DON’T FORGET.I pray everyday that my friend will make a decision this time that will not only determine her future but also a reason to still believe in love so that like me she can find someone who knows her worth in the near future. Unfortunately I can’t make that decision for her. All I can offer her is the friendship and the shoulder to cry on. I believe that there are women or even men out there who keeps forgiving their unfaithful partners and my question is when are you going to pause and think for a moment that this person is not worthy of your tears and love? He/ she is not the only one making a mistake you are also making a mistake of giving chances more than you can count to someone who doesn’t appreciate you and doesn’t value you as much as you value him or her. If you continue with this unfaithful partner and get married do you have any guarantees that this being you call a partner will change for the better or for worse? Unfortunately marriage doesn’t give us that guarantee which means if you are willing to forgive then be willing to forget as well to save yourself a lifetime hypertension. Stop making excuses for this looser, I know it’s easier said than done that’s why you will be proud of yourself in the end.Jovial
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