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female
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*rongie
writes: dear cupid, i have been dating with my bf for almost 6 months and i still don't trust him, because i have a traumatic experience before in a relationship. i love him so much yet i am always insecure of him. I got hurt when he talks with girls, i really got angry with him when he wont call in a day thinking that he's smuggling with someone else,some body please help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2006): I can only advise you based on the information you have in your posting. He talks to other girls..he doesn't call you for a day. Now unless you can come back and tell me, he has given you a valid, good reason for you to believe he is cheating..I think you are a girl who is allowing 'fear' to rule her relationship. You've been through a trauma, in the past so you 'fear' this current bf will cheat. That 'fear' derives from inside you and has nothing to do with this current bf or the relationship you share with him. You are dissecting every move he makes. You are lumping all men together as cheaters, assuming this guy will prove you right. How sad for both of you. It really is very unfair of you to make your bf responsible for your own fears. This is called baggage and it's a number one relationship killer and it's causing your insecurity. It's not his job to help you with that. That baggage should have been dealt with by you, before undertaking a new relationship with him, because this negativity is causing you to feel 'inadequate'.
Dear, as humans, we all have baggage...plain and simple. The answer to whether we want to be happy.. is dealing with that baggage and not letting it over-ride and influence your future relationship. I am not sure if he knows about these fears of yours but at the rate you are going, he will tune into it and you may lose him. You cannot, I repeat, "cannot "allow your fears to run the show. These feelings will soon dictate your actions and he will pick up on it.
How do you rid yourself of this baggage? Rational thinking-a change of perspective..a change of attitude to the positive. You become aware of your insecurities and fears and you deal with them, head on. It takes time and huge courageous efforts on your part. You have come to a place now, where you choose. You can 'choose' to simply be happy, bright, positive and enjoy relish, savoreach moment in this relationship and take it day by day, hour by hour, with no fears ruling you. And realize there is no guaruntees in life.Love is a risk. No one knows if this this relationship will last forever. Accept that and just make it the best you can. Or-you can dwell on all the past baggage and destroy what you have. It's your choice, dear and I wish you luck.
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