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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: When my friends come to me for advice and help, I listen and offer advice to them. I get upset sometimes with them when they don't listen to me. I know they have to learn for themselves, but sometimes when we are in a situation, we can't see clearly so someone on the outside might be able to help. My friend came to me for help last year with a problem about her co-workers. I felt so bad for her because she is so sweet, yet insecure and weak and they took advantage of her! I told her they were messing with her mind and they were wrong to do so. I shouldn't have talked about them like that and now she never tells me about them anymore. But why would she choose to hang out with people who make fun of her and take her for granted? I feel helpless if all I do is just listen. But I don't want to be taken for granted either. I just feel bad that she told me her problems and now she thinks I'm jealous of her new friends. (I'm not! I just don't want my friend taken advantage of!) I don't know what to do anymore.
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (27 September 2009):
Good advice is so often given, yet so rarely taken. If your friends choose not to take your advice,, don't take it personally. They have to find out. Give a piece of advice once and only once and do it only when they ask. Don't repeat it unless they specifically ask you to. If they don't listen, its their fault. Meanwhile, be ready with the tissues. You sound like a great friend. If you want to give advice, join the rest of us on here!.
A
male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (27 September 2009):
 Unfortunately these people are adults and they are within their own right to accept your advice or not. Frankly, it seems a bit selfish to feel like this.Part of being an adult is taking responsibility for one's decisions. And although you may feel like it is an affront that your advice is not taken, you shouldnt. advice is just that....ADVICE.Listen, I give enough advice around here to choke a horse, but I knows full well that maybe 1 percent is ever taken. do I care? No. If I was concerned about ratings here, or whether people really took my advice, Id be walking around with a noose and a three legged chair everywhere I went.Same as in real life. People have to learn to sink or swim and you cant run around with toilet paper wiping other people's asses when they screw up in your eyes. And that also means that you can't withhold affection for those you love when they don't take your advice. You can be disappointed, but once again they are under no obligation to listen to you.There is enough bad advice to go around the world 8 times. Just pour through some people's columns here and you'll see enough bad advice to make you want to tear your eyes out Also remember that advice is like anything else. People hear usually what they WANT to hear, as opposed to what they NEED to hear.Much like you are under no obligation to listen to me. lol
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female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (27 September 2009):
 This is why many of those "guides to life" suggest you never give advice to a friend. Most people really just want to be heard. They know the answer already even if they think they don't. Take your friend, for example. She knows her other friends hurt her, but she hangs out with them because they bring value to her life, even if it's just making her a little less lonely. When you told her they were bad people, most likely she felt you were passing judgment on her choice of friends and she felt hurt.
On top of that, people on the outside do not always know better. Distance gives you a different perspective, not always a correct one.
I suggest that you stop giving advice and stick to listening instead. When you feel the urge to advise, come on DearCupid and answer some questions instead.
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