A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have a good relationship....apart from the sex. When we are having it it is fine but its only when he's in the mood. The relationship has always been like this and we can go for weeks without having sex at all. If I try to make the first move during these times, he just lies there and doesn't respond which does nothing for my self esteem. I have brought this up with him on many occasions in the past and he says that things will get better, only now I am sick of hearing it and don't believe it any more. To make things worse, I have recently found out he has been looking at explicit webcam/chat sites while I am at work. I haven't mentioned to him that I know about this and am wondering whether I should?
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at work, his ex, in the mood, self esteem Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2007): Strange thing porn, A men could have the worlds most attractive woman as his Girlfiend or wife and some men would still look at porn!.
I know its hard to believe but hes not looking at porn because he does'nt find you attractive, he just likes looking at porn. I do think you need to put a stop to the live webcam thing though thats a bit too personal. If you make it clear that you are aware that he has been looking at those sites and tell him that you find this behaviour unacceptable in a stern manner, that should stop him doing it.
I see this type of question on here all the time, and I'll give you the advice I give everyone.
The only way you can get his labido up is to have more sex, I know this sounds crazy but stay with me on this......the labido changes, if you are having more sex the labido is high and you will want more sex, but if for whatever reason the sex becomes less frequent then the labido goes down. So thats why you need to convince him that he just has to increase his sexual output to increase his labido.
I know how frustrating this is I have been through this myself and trust me it does work. I know this can be really upsetting when he refuses you sex. Its happened between me and my husband and thigs are a lot better now.
Its hard for men to see things from our point of view sometimes they seem to be oblivious to our feelings. Its not done on purpose so try not to get too upset by this but he does need to know that he is being selfish.
Okay so have a nice long chat with him and make sure he knows how you REALLY feel, no holds barred. Sometimes men need to have the answers given to them, so dont expect them to figure out that your hurt.
okay babes let me know if you need more advice I'm happy to help.
XX
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2007): What a selfish man! put your foot down and tell him that he is not satisfying your needs - ask him if he needs to look at these sites to get his kicks or if his wonderful beautiful girlfriend actually turns him on? When he is in the mood i would not even bother to dignify it with having sex - a relationship is about two people. You need to ask him if he has become numb to the emotional and physical points of you two - talk to him tell him how you feel and tell him you are NOT happy with him looking at these sites - he needs to understand that you have an intimate relationship xxxxxxxxxxxx
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A
female
reader, xLEAHx +, writes (22 January 2007):
 Hi hun, yes i think mention this to him about looking up adult and chat sites,and put it to him that no wonder his not giving you what you need if his looking up these sites ..seriously if i was in your situation and when ever he wanted sex i would make up escuses like i have a headache or im just not in the mood,and then see how he likes the knockbacks,his being very selfish and by the sounds of it just pleasing his self when he wants, and not giving a damn about your needs,you really need to sort this out with him if he cant be arsed to make the effort for the girl he loves then im afraid theres something wrong in your relationship,and i know that it will not last if it continues this way..in a relationship it takes two to make things right,and if only one person is doing all the work it puts a strain on the other,which is you in this case, and you won't continue with the way things are,if he really loves you he'l make it work,but you really need a good talk with him and tell him how your feeling and that his lowering your self esteem..
good luck xxxLEAHxxx
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