A
male
age
51-59,
*teve jones
writes:Hello all not sure who im talking to!OK here goes,I am 39 my partner is 29 we have 3 children all aged under 10. I loved this woman with all my heart, i gave her everything.For the past 2 years my partner has changed, she wont come near me in any way, she gets drunk and constantly tells me how much she hates me, she has had problems in the past with her family i have always stood by her. Her attitude towards me has not changed she hates me full stop i have not been intimate with her for 2 years, in my mind i think i can put up with this for the sake of my children which i dearly love, lately she has taken to putting me down infront of my children which has led to me having zero authority over them, now my word has no weight at all, the kids walk all over me and do not listen to a word i say. I try really hard to rectify this but its like i am invisible, i try to keep my children in check but they just ignore me and look to their mother i have had many conversations with my partner about this and it leads nowhere. I work 6 days a week i hand over all my money to my family which i dont mind at all. The thing is i cant take all this negative abuse anymore i am dead inside i feel nothing for my partner after 2 years of begging to be loved. There is a girl at work who i dont even know her name and i know she likes me by the way she acts, i really like her and she makes me feel something i have never felt before in my life (i dont know what it is) i have had many chances to break the ice with this girl but i just cant do it, my confidence is shot to pieces i am not ugly and in very good shape physically but how can i ask a girl on a date when i dont have more than my bus fare in my pocket? I know deep down i have to leave but the thought of being a part time father and leaving my children i dearly love is crushing me. My own father paid for us to go on holiday when i was 11 and he had moved out when we got back and that destroyed me totally, the thought of doing that to my kids is unbearable. I know the girl i like is basically not the bigger picture but she has made me feel alive in a a way i have never felt my entire life, she has made me question if i have ever loved anyone before. What do i have to offer her? i have no money and im stuck in a relationship i cant fianicially leave i really do feel totally alone in the world i constantly dream of breaking free. I would always be there for my children but is it selfish to want more for yourself?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, SeXySaYwAt  +, writes (30 August 2010):
 okay. U seem like a good guy n u need a good woman. Let go of her, if she makin u sound bad infront of u children then she no good 4 u. Ur children should not grow up in that kind of environment. Get custody n stop giving her all the money. The age difference could be the cause of her behaviour. If u realy love her then go 4 family counciling. Take the kids with. Try to make things work b4 u jus pack up and leave. You deserve beta.. Your children have a great father. And they dnt c that becoz u letting her interfere with ur authority. Get owt n get a 'woman' coz shes a stil a girl, n her actions justify it.
A
female
reader, Oregongrl1  +, writes (30 August 2010):
I know where you are coming from i too! was in a similar relationship! he turned my son against me and i would take him a side reminding him that if he wanted to be a jerk to me fine! but lets decide whats good for our son in private! well that went in one ear and out the other he was a drinker also. my son always went to him because he gave him his way i on the other hand would not. kids will go to the parent who is not in focus to get there way! and your relationship! is destroying your kids in everyway. there values,morals and there respect for you. the last thing i would worry about to compound matters is another woman! you need to focus on your kids! and figure it out for ya'll i wouldn't worry about the mother have her admitted in a rehab program, and let her help her'self because she is not caring about anyone right now but her'self. so you need to step up and be a father and do the right thing don't make things worse by feeling sorry for yourself, get over it get your life back and your kids and then if that woman is still around and you both still feel the same and you are settled then fine! but right now is to unstable for you to compound your issues w/ another relationship! and there should be no question in your mind who is more important at this very moment.
Best Wishes 2 u all!
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A
female
reader, nna22_f  +, writes (30 August 2010):
You should leave, exactly for the sake of the kids. If they grow up with this example of relationship, imagine what picture they'll have of a relationship between woman and men? I'm a daughter of divorced parents. I can say it was tough on the beginning, but eventually, it'll be better than staying like this... And it makes your children stronger, any pain when dealt the right way only makes you stronger. Please, leave this relationship, for the sake of your kids. You can even attempt taking custody of the children's, and by what you said I'm pretty sure you'll get it without much trouble. Keep in mind your kids will need a happy and emotionally healthy dad so they can turn their questions and problems to. Trust me, the pain you THINK you'll inflict on your kids by getting a divorce will be much less painful than staying in this unhappy marriage. Go live your life, be happy, it's your life, you can do whatever you want :)
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