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male
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*ayhva112
writes: My girlfriend broke up with me about a month and a half ago. We had a clean breakup and decided to be friends. We talked briefly after breaking up (online). Everything was fine for about a week and a half. Now she doesn't speak to me. I've been told by her brother not to talk to her unless she talks to me. I hate thinking that I may never see her or talk to her again. At one point I suggested that we get together at one point down the road, at either a month or two months, just to catch up. She said she doesn't want to lead me on, because she doesn't want to get back together. She said she would rather "let it happen naturally" (what the hell does that mean?) Is that a nice way of her saying "I don't want to talk to you, but I'm not going to say it in a mean way. So we will never talk again unless we happen to run into each other." I really don't have a clue what "Let it happen naturally" means to a woman. We haven't spoken in about 3 weeks. My friends tell me she isn't worth it and to just let it go, but I don't want to do that. I've been trying to tell myself many times that "It's not worth it, just move on, you will never see her or talk to her again." But I continue to think about her, and dream about her (which is even worse) :(The main thing I'm concerned about is the whole "let it happen naturally" thing, please, a female's opinion on that particular statement would be a wonderful thing. I am making myself not contact her unless she contacts me, but I really hate thinking that she may never contact me. At one point her brother said "She's 100% over you." (that hurt) But then recently he said "She's just not over the whole situation." Again, a woman's view on how she is over me completely, but not over the situation, would be helpful. Her brother and some of my friends said "We've got your back, cuz we want you to come over and hang out with us again." So they bugged her for a while about me coming over, to no avail. I asked them to stop because I thought it might make things worse (she knows that I asked them to stop, I think that may show her that her feelings are still important to me). Her brother said "It's only been just over a month, just give it time." So that's what I've been doing. It has been very hard, and I'm trying to be patient. Some friends suggested that I call her sometime to see how she's doing. I think it's beyond the point where contacting her would be a good idea. I'm convinced she doesn't want to talk to me right now, and I don't want to push her away anymore than I already have. My friend who hangs out at their house assured me that I have done nothing wrong since we have broken up, and that she's just being immature about it and wants to get her way. Any suggestions about what I should do about this whole situation?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2006): My guess is that she's "over you" in the sense that she's really sure that she doesn't see a future with you, and she probably can think of the guy (or kind of guy) that she could see a future with. At the same time, though, she did care about you a lot, and she still has a lot of fondness for you. It's not that you stopped being you - it's just that "you" stopped being right for her. But she still needs some time to fully accept that. She probably had a lot of dreams and plans for her life that involved you - she might have thought about a future with you. Knowing you're not the guy for her, in the long run, means she has to end things. But she may not yet have an alternate plan. And even if she does, she still has to go through the hard process of letting go of the future she imagined having with you. She probably feels some guilt and a little trapped, so spending a lot of time with you wouldn't be good, anyway. Add to that the fact that she knows she wants out but that it's hard to get away when you're feeling really attached, and I think her actions make sense."Let things happen naturally" means "Don't call her." Three weeks isn't that long. She needs time. My guess is that she won't call you, but eventually, one day, she'll IM you, just to say hi. And if you're well and truly over her, you'll IM back, and she'll sense from the tone of your msg that you're well and truly over her. And she won't feel so bad and so much pressure about having you as a friend.Leave her alone for a while. It's not you, it's her. And that's often said, but this time, i think it's probably true. You have too many friends in common to think that you'll never see each other, even if it feels like that's true right now. Trust me; I've been there.
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reader, lostgirl04  +, writes (2 February 2006):
 Wow, sorry to hear you're going through so much. It sounds to me that what you need to do is give this girl her space. Do not under any circumstance contact her, not even to be nice because she is NOT being nice to you. I think that her "Let it happen naturally" line means exactly that. Just let things flow, if you see her good if not too bad. She seems to be taking this way better than you, think about that when you start thinking about her again, think about how she doesn't care to contact you anymore while you are dying to talk to her again. I know you've heard this before but she is not worth it. I myself just recently broke up with my bf but he is the one that doesn't contact me, I know i deserve better, and so do you. It seems like you have mutual friends and all that so i suggest you don't talk about her or how you feel when you're around people that know her, because they will run and tell her and then she'll know you're not over her and that will make you look bad. The key is to make her 'think' that you no longer care for her. If you see her say whats up and move on, don't ask her how she's doing dont ask anything, let her come to you. If you ignore her the right way she will come to you (i mean she will contact you somehow or ask about you) and if she doesn't want you over her house don't go because she'll think you're just there for her. Also if people ask you if you're over her just say yes even if you're not. It would be good for her to hear that.I hope i have helped. Do keep us all posted. Good Luck!
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