A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend now for over a year. Being with him has changed a lot of things in my life. Before I met him I never wanted to get married or have children and now I feel that I do. I haven't felt this connected to any other man in my life. But I have also started having trouble with feeling jealousy. He has always had a lot of friends that are girls, as I have always had a lot of friends that are boys. The thing is, I keep finding little comments that he leaves on these girls web pages, and finding pornographic pictures on his computer. We have both talked about cheating and how we feel about it, but I feel like even if he isn't cheating physically, he could be cheating emotionally on me. He also tends to only hang out with his girl friends when I am working or have appointments so that I won't be there. And every time he tells me he is going to be with them, he doesn't give me a name, just that it's his "friend".. Am I overreacting? I'm lost on how to being this up to him, to tell him that it bothers me without sounding like I am overreacting to nothing. Any advice would really help me!
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank all of you for your helpful answers! I do trust him, I just hate when I feel like I can't. I can definitely see that I should talk to him about how I feel with some of the things he does. But you are all absolutely right that I can't stop him from doing things, but I can at least put out my point and feelings on it! I just don't want to be the last one to know, you know what I mean?! Thanks again and I will keep all of your advice close whenever I start feeling jealous again!
A
female
reader, Mommy Dearest +, writes (26 September 2008):
 I think that you need to talk to him, tell him that you are feeling jealous and you are trying not to. explain to him that it makes you feel uneasy that he hangs out with him female friends and doesn't tell you a name and doesn't ever invite you. If they were only friends there should be no problem with you tagging along.
If it was me I would feel the same way you do. You need to stand up for yourself and let him know how you feel that is is driving you crazy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2008): Wow - reading your post gave me chills, I may as well have written it myself! My bf has a lot of female friends too, and I have a big prob with jealously. I am also jealous of his past girlfriends, even though he doesn't see them anymore. Basically, you and I have it bad, and this usually means a certain level of fear and panic is laced in with the pleasurable feelings - the stakes are raised and we are terrified of losing our men!
I also started down the slippery route of checking emails. Of course, there was the odd flirtation, but although I knew deep down it wasn't too bad, it still ate me up and I had many sleepness, teary nights. I now do not look, and feel a lot better for it.
I now keep the following thoughts in mind, and they have helped me very much:
DO NOT SNOOP - it will drive you mad and is not fair on him. If he is going to cheat, he will do it anyway, and you are likey to find out. Just trust that he won't and try not to stress about things that haven't happened.
Do not let your life revolve around him. Have a few other interests and friends. Not only does this give you other things to talk about, but it takes the pressure off him and makes you more attractive to him, and he'll not take it for granted that you're always available to him. It'll also take your mind of him and the corroding thoughts of 'where is he and what is he doing?'.
Treat your boyfriend as innocent unless you have genuine
evidence to the contrary.
Pestering him will only drive him away, be cool.
Remember that he does not stay with you and remain faithful to you because you plead with him to stay and make him promise not to cheat - this will only drive him away - he is simply with you because he loves you, otherwise he would leave.
The best way to keep a man is to be confident, independent and secure in your own ability to attract a man and keep his exclusive romantic interest. If you assume that it is perfectly natural you him to be besotted with you, then he is more likely to too!
Your guy sounds like a good 'un to me. Don't worry about the female friends, just think how you feel about your male friends (I certainly don't fancy any of mine!)
Good luck
xxx
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A
female
reader, daisylee  +, writes (26 September 2008):
dear friend,
let me tell you, i had a relationship for years and towards the end it was bad,messy,terrible, and extremely painfull and the solitary cause was...............jelousy, he was jelous and i couldnt undertand why, nor could he understand why it was issue. So I pleed to you, do not go down this road.
You love this man yes but ask yourself, if he were at his mates house and, apart from his mate, they are all girls, a- do u trust him?
When i was with my ex, he loved me but he was always suspicious of my freinds who were guys and from there it honestly creeps up and gets worse. But from my point of view, i couldnt understand why he was jelous because i made the decision to be with him... no one else. If there is no trust then your just torturing ureself. I have no doubt you love this man but you will have sit him down and tell him your concerns, tell him that you are feeling abit insecure when it comes to him and other woman and note his reaction
if he is supportive, understanding, or even if he blows the handle, you will know by how he does it wether or not he is being sincere.
You may very well love this man but you deserve to be with someone that you trust 140 percent! You cant let ure insecurities prevent you from happiness, and you certainly cant be with a man that makes you feel like you cant trust him. Guys will be guys and look at porn, dirty magazines, there animals, but dont let this drag it will lead to unhappiness.
Talk to him, no harm came from trying x x x
good luck and let me know?
hopefully i have helped
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