A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,Guys always run away from me. It hurts. I'm 21 and I suffer from Uni-Polar (Major Depressive Disorder) and I have been on meds for years but they don't "cure" anything, they just help a little and I can't keep a relationship. I'm not weird or anything, I'll just get severely depressed at random times. I can imagine it being hard on him, but I'm not asking anything of him. These guys can't "fix" me, and I don't ask them to. But usually after a couple episodes they distance themselves and leave. I do admit that at the beginning, like all relationships, it's hot, and exciting, and my mind is so overwhelmed with this that my depression doesn't sink in as easily, but then the infatuation burns out and I'm not bored of them but you know how it is, the excitment's gone it's more of a comfort. The warmth rather then the fire. And I think that since i'm so happy at the beginning of the relationship the guy thinks he can make me that happy again, but HE can't it's ME and MY problem but they don't get it. And then they run because they can't help me. It makes me feel unloveable and crazy and I know for a fact that I'm not crazy... but I might be unloveable. I'd just like to come home to someone who loves me and I think it's my fault that I can't do that.
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female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (4 May 2009):
 It maybe that you haven't been in relationships with men who are prepared to stick out those tough times, but living with someone who has clinical depression can be hard work! It doesn't sound like your medication works for you and you should see your doctor about trying a different brand or type of antidepressant that maybe more suited to your needs. I would also say that lots of people with depression need more than pills - cognitive behavioural therapy helps some people to 'problem solve' their depression and learn coping strategies so ask your GP about that.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI see a councilor regularily but I've never thought about support groups. I'll keep that in mind, thanks Jessica.
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A
female
reader, jessica04 +, writes (4 May 2009):
 I hate to say it, but you might just have to keep kissing frogs until you find your prince.
Though I have studies the bi-polar/ uni-polar disorders, I cannot at all imagine what it must feel like for you. If you aren't already or still, I would suggest maybe seeking some counseling just to help you through the socially damaging side of the disorder. Perhaps cognitive or behavior modification based approaches that might be able to teach you how to alleviate the effects on your partner in a different way than just telling them "it is what it is".
Also, what I have found is that guys are "fixers" and they get incredibly frustrated when they can't kiss and make better. Also, a lot of guys are resistant to the idea of a disorder taking away your own control over yourself. It is also why many men are very resistant to therapy and the idea of being diagnosed with anything.
Are you in school? Perhaps if you find a guy who is a science major, or even a psych major, they would have a better mindset/understanding and acceptance of what you go through. Also, a counselor might be able to help you find a support group where you could go and meet new people, possibly even someone you could be with.
I hope this helps, and I wish you the best of luck, really I do. I'm just a psych student though, so you are surely more qualified on this issue than I. I guess I'm just hoping one of us gives a different perspective that can help.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's chemical, i can't body produce enough seritonin (the hormone that makes you feel happy) my pills are suppost to help produce them, but sometimes I still fall short.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2009): i wish i could help you but i dont know enough about depression to give any advice. can you please tell me what you want guys to do when your feeling depressed? i ask this cos i have a friend who recently told me she suffers from depression and i dont want to do owt to annoy her when shes feeling down. i want to be there for her so she knows she cant turn to me when she needs to.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2009): I like your quote about getting the warmth rather than the fire. That's a good one and I dare say I'll use it in future when the occasion arises.
Now, I'm no psychiatrist so I'm unlikely to get to the bottom of your depression, so tell me, what is it that causes you to be depressed? Help me understand if you can.
I think all relationships are hot at first, but when the initial lust wears off it gets down to a more steady pace, the ten times a night sex goes down to a couple of times a week if you're lucky and you both get into a routine. That's normal, and if that's how things are with you, you're normal too.
If you appear to be miserable in the company of some guy you're going to make him miserable too. No-one wants to be miserable which is probably why they take off and do a runner. Why do you feel this way? What's so bad in life?
I'd love to be able to help you but I really don't feel qualified.
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