A
female
age
41-50,
*onfusedinCA
writes:Well I am not sure where to start. About a year and half ago, I met this great guy. He is about 5 and half years older, we have a lot in common, we moved in together about a year ago, have talked about marriage, not so much now. About 6 months into our relationship we starting fighting. I had become insecure in our relationship. In the past I had a boyfriend who cheated on me a few times, who would go out, flirt with girls, get their numbers, etc... And well while I love my new guy, part of me fears that because we started fighting he will look for attention elsewhere. I know for a fact he doesn't see other girls, but I can't help but worry that maybe he chats via email at work, or what not. I know he loves me, his best friend has told me on more than one occasion he has never seen my guy like this for any girl... But because of my past, I worry. I am going out of town for a week to visit my little brother, and I get physically nauseaous worrying about whether or not he's going to miss me or just be happy I'm gone. Things are getting better, I am making a concious effort in my thoughts to push the negative stuff aside, and focus on all the positive, and I truly feel like we are getting back on track. I am starting to see a therapist this week, I hope that she will have some helpful hints on how to work past my fears. Because I know that if I keep worrying and fearing for the worst its going to happen. Anyone else have a similar problem? Anything that you are doing that has helped?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2008): You know, lady. There are girls out there that are insecure because they were cheated on... Others that had rough experiences with past relationships but whose boyfriends never cheated on them. I'm a psychic, see, and I feel that you're not being truthful in your posting. I believe your previous boyfriend never cheated on you and you construct that reality, and spread that lie, as a justification of why things didn't turn out right. See, young lady, if you fabricate a lie- and choose to live it for years and years, it is karma that will come back and haunt you. It is your guilty conscience of your lie that is eating away at your well being. Not only that, but friends who know both of you will also see you as a liar- and a resentful, ugly person at that. Why don't you come clean about your past to your current lover? I bet you'll feel a lot better about yourself then, capricorn.
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (27 September 2007):
 You are not alone. Many people feel as you do, because there are too many people with no respect that cheat. Being violated when someone cheats can be very traumatic, and needs to be treated in a way as trauma. Here's the problem, our brains view trauma, as trauma. It doesn't separate into different categories of causes that create it. It's just filed under trauma, so you have to change your views of what happened. When you see the counselor, ask the about NLP, it's a treatment for eliminating trauma. Here's what you first need to look at. Your relationship did not cause the trauma, a person did. The cause needs to stay with him, not be suspicious of someone who is innocent because of the actions of someone who is no longer in a relationship with you. Your therapist will help a great deal, you need to get to the level where you can trust again, and keep the trust extended until they personally do something to ruin your trust in them.
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