A
female
age
36-40,
*injamo
writes:Has my boyfriend cheated on me?Ok so I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years and right at the start of our relationship he cheated on me when i promised him a filthy night that night - he said he had to go home - and i then later found out he had slept with someone else and lied about it.I got the truth out of him by tricking him and after breaking up for a while stupidly agreed to take him back.Everything has been fine for the last 2 years really, we have had a problem with sex though since we moved in together about a year ago. he seems to be a sex addict and i've gone right off it since being diagnosed with a thyroid problem.he looks at porn everyday and cant seem to go a day without masturbating or sex, i think i've kinda pushed this to the back of my mind for a long time so as not to face our real sexual problems - tbh in short, it wasnt bothering me. I had suggested us having some counselling or something in the past but he never made the effort to arrange it or even discuss it and said he was happy and would wait for me and sex wasnt the most important thing in our relationship. apparently he is a lying b*****d.I recently found out he had been advertising for NSA sex to meet at 'their' place asap. there was one ad he'd posted after an argument (a few days ago) and 2 more which were posted when i was on holiday for a week out the country and he was on his own (a few months ago). At first he denied it which was hilarious considering i had the evidence right there in front of me. he then admitted to writing the ads, getting responses, but swears he didnt 'do' anything which i just really dont believe at all.effectively i think we are over because i will never trust him again, but i just wanted some advice really on what other people thought and if you think he cheated after writing the ads?he has said that if we stay together, which he has been pleading me for that he will get some help and he thinks that he is a sex addict which i agree with.any ideas anyone? i feel so lost, i've spent two years of my life loving this guy and i just feel like everything has been a lie.thanks.
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cheated on me, moved in, on holiday, porn, sex addict Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Midge +, writes (26 September 2007):
 Okay, if it were me in your shoes, then the words "bye-bye" would be the words being uttered.
Yes, you have spent two years together, but wouldnt you rather loose two years rather than waite another 2, 3, 5 or even get married and then find out all of these things? I would rather know sooner rather than later!
I wouldnt be able to trust him after everything he has said and possibly done. The fact that he has lied to you after showing him that you have the proof to prove his infidelity. He may or may not have done all these things, but the fact that he lied to you, makes one wonder if he didnt do these things, why lie about it? Surely if you were innocent, then you would just come clean and tell your partner what you did and why you did it, not tell them that you didnt do it because it makes you look guilty if the other has proof that you are lying.
Ditch him! Move out and find a man that is faithful, and doesnt have a problem with the truth!
A
female
reader, LauraUK +, writes (26 September 2007):
Hi Ninjamo,
I think the fault lies with both of you here. Your boyfriend clearly needs next on a regular basis and you, through no fault of your own, have gone right off it. But intercourse is not the only game in town you know and your boyfriend might appreciate sexual contact with you which doesn't involve actual penetration. Even sharing porn with him might be a big help.
Laura
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A
female
reader, IvyWitch9117  +, writes (26 September 2007):
 well to tell you the truth that sounds severely fishy and the fact that he's done it before doesn't help any. If he is a sex addict and applying for sex on websites i wouldn't doubt that he'd atleast thought about cheating on your again, that's if he didn't really do it. I don't think you should feel everything's a lie i mean alot can happen in 2 years and if you really decide to leave him then just as good ever came out of the sea as what's still in it... i can't tell you he loved you or anything like that but atleast he did care about you and he does relize he has a problem. I mean if you love him and he's willing to get help you should try and help him with his problem...about the cheating thing, cheatings never right but all people make mistakes just try and forgive i'm sure it'll all be fine...
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A
female
reader, starfairy +, writes (26 September 2007):
 First of all, I know alot of couples have issues with sex, because in genreal females have a lower sex drive than males.
Your boyfriend may or may not have cheated on you physically, but he has cheated you of a decent boyfriend. By advertising to meet girls for sex, he has cheated on you, technically. Because that's not the actions of a man who is in love with his girlfriend.
Back to the higher sex drive in males. He might have a higher than average sex drive, but isn't that a convienient excuse - a sex addict! That doesn't excuse him sleeping with someone else at the beginning of your realtionship and it doesn't excuse him looking for other girls to sleep with. It's not even like he accidentally stumbled across a female who gave him some attention, he actively went out to search for girls for the sole purpose of sleeping with them.
It sounds like you know it is over and you shouldn't be with him. It's so hard when a guy promises to change and wants you to take him back. But if you do take him back, he will only cheat on you againm and the longer it goes on the harder it will be to leave and the worse it will feel.
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A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu +, writes (26 September 2007):
 The fact he cheated on you before and lied about it isnt a good sign, i just dont think you cant trust him and if you cant trust how can it work? I think he needs to see a concillor and talk about what is going through his head as i think he has a real problem. But you really need to ask yourself "do i trust him, do i think he has been faithful, do i see a future?" if its a no to any of them then i think its time to move on.
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