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female
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anonymous
writes: I want to get back with my ex boyfriend (lets call him S). We're good friends and we have sex, but he's made it clear that he want's to be single for a while, and doesn't know for how long. He wanted me to be exclusive to him because he got incredibly jealous of some guy that I was kissing when I was drunk, so we agreed it should be an exclusive relationship. However I mentioned it on Saturday and S said 'are we?' as if he didn't remember the conversation, and I know at least 3 girls who are into him at the moment so I'm scared of losing him. I spent most of yesterday with him, and he got angry with some guy because he was allegedly staring at my ass whilst I was playing pool. I don't know if that's why he was angry though because he was angry for the rest of the time I was with him. That night the town I live in was having a carnival. I went with my friends, but ended up talking to a guy (called AJ) S knows who was possibly under the influence of alcohol I'm not sure but he wasn't acting drunk. We had a nice time and he was really sweet, giving me his jacket because I was cold even though he was freezing cold himself. He reminded me of S quite a lot actually. When AJ realised I was S's ex he was really complimentary of him and said I was lucky because he's a nice guy. When he was walking me home ( he had his arms around me) he asked me what the situation was with S and I explained everything above (except that I wanted to get back with him) and AJ said 'If it weren't for S i would kiss you right now'. He didn't kiss me, but we had a 'moment' where I thought we were about to kiss, but I pulled away because of my conscience. I did kiss him on the lips to say goodbye though.When S called me later that night to check I was home safely I told him that AJ walked me home, and S said 'He's a bastard, what were you doing with him?' This confused me because they got on ok back in January when I first met AJ and I was still with S, and from my own experience he was really nice (if a little rough around the edges).S is just so confusing I have no idea what is going on in his head and that's why I'm writing this post (sorry it's so long). He says that even though we're not going out he still cares about me and loves me (but not in a relationship way). I'm in limbo because i'm waiting for him to want to be in a relationship again so that I can see if he wants me or someone else. I think he'll want me so I don't want to screw things up by screwing around with AJ or anyone else. Did i do anything wrong yesterday with AJ? Should I tell Sy everything that happened or keep quiet because it doesn't concern him?
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drunk, jealous, kissing, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Toria +, writes (23 October 2006):
 Don't be as stupid as I was, I stayed faithful to my ex for a year and half with our relationship on and off he hated any other man coming near me and when they did he showed he cared about me and reeled me back on in giving it all the I love you and want to be with you and once he realised he had me back in his grasp he ended it again with different excuses ... 'I've got alot going on at the moment', 'I'm not ready for this yet', 'give me some time to sort things out in my life and I'm all yours' .. to then go round and round in circles so many times and each time killing off what love I felt for him, it took a real big thing for me to realise what he was really like and what was really going on and that I was just someone he didn't want to lose but didn't want to be with but didn't want anyone else to have me.
You need to start being you and moving on I know it will be hard I've been there but you deserve someone that can give you the love and respect you want and deserve from a boyfriend or you will just continue to waste time sitting waiting round for someone that will never be that person losing men that really care along the way.
Good luck :o)
And I agree with you Lostandalone it isn't just the men that do this kind of thing and noone should always lay this catagory on the men there really are alot of women out there that play this game with men's emotions too.
A
male
reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (23 October 2006):
 Excuse me!!! For the anon who responded. Women do the same thing and since me are the pigs what does make the women???
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2006): so basically S wants to have his cake and eat it too. you have GOT to be kidding if you are actually considering this. he gets to whore around while you sit faithful at home? give me a break, no wonder men are pigs when they have the world allowing them to be.
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A
male
reader, Lostandalone +, writes (22 October 2006):
Anon,
I have been that person caught in "limbo" before. I turned down dates and ignored beautiful women, waiting for my ex to want me again. Trust me its a waste. She called me and cried to me about how much she loved me and she couldn't date anyone else because she was so in love with me, then I caught another guy at her place at 2am!!! The point I'm making is, it's unfair to you to be left in limbo and it's unfair for him to keep you there. He wants to keep you around to be his back-up plan. He can play the field and do what he wants and when things don't go his way or he can't find anyone else then guess what??? He will call you. If you think that all you're worth is being someone's second choice then that's fine, FOR YOU!!! Personally, I think I'm worth more. My ex told me that she didn't want to hurt me, because she got busted, but it was obvious that I wasn't happy about it and instead of facing up to what she had done or was planning to do she just let me walk. I don't want another person to feel that kind of hurt. Do yourself a favor and walk away from it and if he wants you trust me he will find you. Go and date AJ and other guys, just don't get to serious because your heart is still with S. Just have some fun and grieve the relationship. Hold your head up and walk away. Its the best thing for you right now. Good Luck.
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