A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, my question is regards to church, I have attended the same church since I was a child and I'm now in 20s but I have always felt like I was the outsider! Every little detail of me at some point has been commented on, my family who don't attend church, my education even though I am in college, my dress sense my clothes, my choice in partners,my friends I mean everything has been pulled up over the years, which made me leave for 2 years which I had a relationship and fell preachers, after my relationship fell apart I went back to church with my toddler, ok being a single mother I added fuel to the fire, why can't they see I do love God, I do just want to go along and learn about God not deal with the judge mental comments and looks every week! Also they don't have a minister and but a stand in preacher and he keeps telling me I should be married, to the point of sitting me down reading the book of Ruth to me, and tbh he creeps out! I aint marrying any old guy just to be re-deemed as he says! Sorry but I can't stand this anymore! I'm not hurting anyone, I try to be nice, I try to be polite do I really deserve the constant jezabel treatment, can I also mention I am the only one there in my 20s and single the rest are over 40 and married so yeh I stand out like a sore thumb I guess, I want to be there for God but how do I make these people see that! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2014): I will tell you something from experience which got me peace!
Just pray to God to show you the truth and just do little to find the truth ! Trust me, only by praying to find truth from God would do miracles for you!
Born into a religion and accepting it as your own due to family, cultural , social or any other factor is in my opinion not justice !
The peace you'll get when you try to make a choice after looking into religions and finding one for you be that will salvage you !
It's a long journey !Took me 9 years but I learnt a lot about other religions and why my religion stands out (perfect)
I am not givng you any name of religion to follow but this prayer will help you find it regardless !
Good luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2014): Just pick a different church. OP what makes you think your god picked that specific church to teach you its message and that there aren't any others around?
Go find a church that doesn't judge people, I mean one of the most basic of jesus' teachings in that book is about not judging others, that only god can do that. So find a church that more closely follows his teachings.
You can't make these people see you're there for god because you're too worried about what they think, so the reality is you're more there for their approval than god's approval.
OP you don't even need to go to church to praise him, you can do that at home. You can learn his teachings from the bible and anything you don't understand you can get many different views and interpretations online. There is nothing in the bible that says you can't praise him and get to know him on your own. There's nothing to say you can't choose another church to go to either. OP your religious journey is your path in life, you get to decide how you travel that path and you get to walk away from those who put obstacles on that path and try to block you like they're doing.
They don't want to teach you about jesus, they just want to use his name to make you follow their teachings, not his. I have a Christian friend who used to be catholic but he left for a non-denominational branch because he didn't like how the catholic church viewed gay people and unmarried mothers. his journey to god is one he wants to be where acceptance and tolerance, and truly living like jesus taught is the path he needs to take. Not condemning sinners in jesus' name, because jesus' never gave anyone permission to use his name that way.
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (31 March 2014):
 Why do these people even know so much about you? Belonging to a religion does not mean you have to get up close and personal with the other congregants or the minister/preacher/reverend/pastor. Your use of the words 'church' and 'preacher' tell me you're not a Jehovah's Witness and I can't think off hand of any other Christian groups that get this involved in people's personal lives.
What about switching to another parish and maintaining a polite but formal distance? Might that be an option?
OP, these people have opinions about everything and everyone including each other. They're just more cautious in expressing them because unlike stepping on your toes, stepping on someone else's carries consequences.
With you, these folks can afford to be less careful because being young, being a woman, being a single mother, and attending services alone, people assume you're a lonely, vulnerable woman who is receptive to, or more likely, tolerant of their intrusion. Time to disillusion them.
As I mentioned earlier, you should maintain a polite, but formal distance. No more explanations. Have a few responses handy the next time someone is rude enough to make comments. You could say something like 'Thank you for your opinion' and go back to doing whatever you were doing without waiting for a response. 'It works for me, but thank you for your concern'...that sort of thing. Other times you could say absolutely nothing and let their comments fall to the ground.
You could also take a proactive approach to future comments by 'confiding' in your preacher that you're considering leaving the church because unsolicited advice from others is interfering in your ability to worship or something along those lines. Remember, do NOT say this as a threat, but as a confession. For this purpose speak to him as if he were a valued confidante.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2014): You Don't make these people see, you have NOTHING to prove to any one of these folks. Are you sure that you are not judging yourself?
Obviously I have to tred carefully with what I say here, would'nt want to ruffle anyone's angel feathers. These folk's not angels may judge you or try to give you well meaning advice, or maybe because you are the youngster, simply looking out for you. Then again they could be pushing religion down your throat and telling you how it should taste, if something does not taste good, spit it out.
Attending Church is your choice as an individual as is finding your faith. What makes people think God can 'only' be found in the bricks and pews of a church? can't he be found in the oceans? the skies? the plants or dare to be so arrogant as suggest that he be found in your own church, that you may have inside of you?
Be true to you and attend church if this is where you feel close, you should remain true to who you are and if this entails looking a bit different, all the better.
I remember walking into a posh area church with my boyfriend to look around both wearing bike leathers, helmet on arms quite acceptable, but when I saw the vicar, priest,frocked guy walk by straight faced, rebuffing the big smile I had just given him...I realised what a fake man of God he was. I just wanted to get on the bike and REV so loud but I just decided that I did'nt belong in those places, called church because God had long vacated and only the bricks were left.
I was once kicked out of a 'prayer room' in a hospital far from home in the middle of no where AND MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT , It was decorated with all the kind words of comfort AS i SILENTLY PRAYED FOR MY BOYFRIEND TO LIVE after his touch and go surgery. Then a DR came in the prayer room got on his knees and did his 'routine' prayers. Next thing a security guard came in and said I could'nt stay in the room and proceeded to march me out into the dark empty grass land with no sight of B&B's Hotels NOTHING! even after I explained I was miles and miles from home and I needed to be close to my boyfriend. He did'nt give a shit and I was only about 20 years old at the time...scared. My point, the hypocrite on his knees apparently talking to some GOD then got up and dobbed me in to the security guard and asked for me to be removed from a prayer room in to the dark cold night alone, the security guard had no balls just power driven. I sat on the grass verge and a lamp went out and I cried more,it came back on and in that light was a porter driving a laundry tram....took me inside and had an argument with the security guard passed me to a male nurse who made me tea and toast and said sleep here tonight and go and see your boyfriend in the morning.
I found God that night in the lamp that flicked off, the porter, the male nurse, the tea and toast and my boyfriend. I never found him in the prayer room, not in the security guard who did every thing in his power to make me 'insecure' and NOT in the Dr religous man on bended knees paraying.
That's all folks!:)
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2014): You may want to find a nondenominational church that is open to anyone; someplace where the congregation aren't your immediate neighbors, and don't really know you.
You are on a search for spirituality. Just like searching for a support-group, you have to find a ministry and congregation that is nonjudgmental; and makes you feel welcomed among the flock. With emphasis on God, love, and kindness. Not deciding on who's heading for hell.
One that is embracing and meets your spiritual needs. If the ministry teaches from the King James Version of the Old and New Testaments, the scriptures will be the same. The ministry does have a responsibility to reach out to the community. To help those lost and misguided. Addicts, juvenile delinquents, and prostitutes may require some private-intervention. If it doesn't feel right, it isn't. Or at least it isn't right for you.
However; your problem isn't really the message, it's the messenger. He's getting far too personal and may be on his own twisted little crusade, and getting into your business.
He may be listening to gossip among the congregation, and writing his sermons based on your personal-life. That is not his job. Nor does he have a right to single out a parishioner and direct his personal-brand of judgment and admonishment. You are correct, he is a total creep.
Bear also in mind, that sometimes guilt and oversensitivity may make you over-relate to a particular message in a sermon, and you may feel he's speaking directly to you. He's supposed to. If it's true, and of some help to you. If it's merely to expose you and publicly humiliate you, there is no message. It's his own condemnation and meddling in your business.
The Bible sometimes directly relates to your life, or current situation. If he is calling out certain details not found in the passages; he is out-of-line. Busy-bodies in the church are tattling on you. Time to move on.
Go online and review the homepages of different churches and what they offer. Go meet their minister and have a talk and get a feel of the type of servant they are. Maybe you're in a church that is too fundamental for your comfort.
The strict old-school holy-roller churches appeal mostly to people who judge others, and are too old to sin. So now they admonish others for what they can no longer do physically; but hypocritically lust for in their hearts.
Hypocrites who are judgmental, ignorant, intolerant, and full of self-righteousness. Follow them home and you'd be shocked to find dysfunctional families, alcoholism, and every sin you could imagine. Point one finger, three point back.
When the message of God is lost behind self-righteous prejudice; and all you hear are the words and opinions of man, you're sitting in the wrong pew.
Venture out. Find a church that makes you feel refreshed and enlightened at the end of a sermon.
Sometimes you will hear things you don't like; that is when you approach the minister to get a clearer understanding. Don't hesitate to seek another opinion. There are many different interpretations given from the Bible; and people tend to slant the meaning to suit their own beliefs.
Anything coming from the mouth of man isn't always going to be exactly the way it might have been originally intended by God; or may not literally apply to your life in the 21st century. Say, as it did when people used camels and donkeys for transportation, and to power heavy equipment. It applies in different ways, and was meant to last until we don't need to read it anymore.
Search until you find the right fit. Nobody says you have to attend church in your own neighborhood. Apparently the guy running the church isn't the type of minister who makes you want to return. So don't. Find another church.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, I live in Scotland. And they do teach us that Jesus forgives sinners and we are made right through Jesus but it is easier to say they words than show people real compassion and clearly that's why my church lacks, Thank you though.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant +, writes (30 March 2014):
 You haven't told us what country you live in, which makes it a bit harder to advise you. In most western countries today there is a wide range of practice in Christianity -- from the traditional "you will go to hell" congregation that you describe to very self-esteem focussed groups that don't seem religious at all in the traditional sense. You want a relationship with God -- good for you. Don't let narrow-minded people keep you from it. Find a congregation that's modern and non-judgemental. Led by someone who understands the contemporary spirit of Christian worship, which is pretty far from what you've described. Don't waste your time trying to fit in at your current church -- it'll never happen.
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