A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hey....well i don't really do things like this but i feel its my only last option!!!!i lost my virginity last year,obv it wasn't that nice and i got no pleasure but iv'e been having sex regualary since,my problem is that i get no pleasure whatsoever,i find the slight fingering enjoyable but the whole "penis in the vagina" situation just does not agree with me,i do enjoy foreplay but i find it strange when a penis enters me and i get no pleasue using a dildo on me or fingering myself it just feels strange....i do get "horny" and have the signs of it when im with a man but cleary get no pleasure what so ever by vaginal sex....any1 any advise????????????
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dildo, fingering, foreplay, lost my virginity, vagina Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (19 June 2008):
 I suggest you read up the info on this link.
http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/sexandrelationships/helpwithorgasms.htm
A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (19 June 2008):
A survey indicated that only 30% of women achieve orgasm from penetration alone. Most women need stimulation of the clitoris by hand or oral to reach climax.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2008): Try to masturbate when you are relaxed with a vibrator, a small one is good not a dildo type just a little one, try it a few times until you orgasm.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2008): Did your parents ever tell you that touching yourself when you were little was dirty?
Even if you were just scratching yourself when you were a young child?
A lot of children poke at themselves just as commonly as they pick their noses. Parents... Normally the mother, tell their kids "No... That's dirty" whilst smaking ther hans away.
This can lead to people, espcially girls, findin it had to orgasm or even feel pleasure beause it's conected in their mnds with being dirty and wrong.
I use to have th same problem. I just kept trying as many different things as possible.
Try using a showerhead whilst your man is inside you... This stimulates your clitorus and shuld feel pleasurable. Try to relax.
A lot of people say explor yourself... But this didnt work for me... It just takes a while before our body is used to the idea. I know a few of my friends that said it took a while before they felt pleasure during sex too... You're nt irregular or strang, it's very common.
Good Luck. x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2008): I agree with "lazyguy", I think there can be something more to it why you are not enjoying penetration. Sometimes we supress things; memories and feelings.
I suggest you try and see a terapist or get some counselling; there is a reason why you are not enjoying it; try and get to the root of the problem.
We can make a lot of suggestions, do this try that;
BUT
trust me, as much as we suggest,and you even try it, if there is something deeper, that you are subconciously supressing, nothing will help.( It could be many things from your first experience; abuse as a child; witnessing as a child; to much to mention).
You honestly need to clear what ever is blocking you from enjying it MENTALLY before you can expect any results physically.
My heart goes out to you, because what should be very pleasureable and satisfactory is not doing it for you, but
I honestly believe, you should try and "dig deeper".
Hope you can find the root to the evil and overcome the obsticals.
Sex is great, making love even greater.
I hope you find the cause of the problem and will enjoy a great an satisfactory sexlife with the right partner.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Kami  +, writes (18 June 2008):
Right gurly.
I don't think any girl gets pleasure just from having sex, theres things that need to go with it. I have only ever orgasmed once from just penetration alone. You need to take time to get to know your own body. Try touching your clitoris and see how you respond to that, and if it goes well do that during penetration and its bound to bring you nearer. Also try putting a pillow under your bum while hes penentrating as this helps the g-spot become more within reach. But you just need to play around down there and find your weaknesses...dont take it too seriously have a bit of fun with it. Sex is meant to be fun, if your waiting for the big O so desperately it will never come because your thinking about it too much. Just relax...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2008): Trust me you are not alone, I don't really get anythign out of sex either but I enjoy having my boyfriend's penis inside of me for some reason, I just love to feel the warmth of his body all over mine. I don't get pleasure from fingering myself but I do get orgasms from playing with my clit. Just play with your clit in a round circular motion, I like to speed it up and go slow then speed it up and go slow. Try it out, or have your partner do it for you. Goodluck
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (18 June 2008):
 Talking a wild stab here but from the way you talk I get the idea that for some reason you don't think of vaginal sex as something fun/exciting to do, just something you got to put up with. Is this the case and was it already the case before you started doing it?
Might an early experience have imprinted in your mind that sex ain't for pleasure? Things like abuse/rape can have that effect even years later.
If that is not the case, when you masturbate do you get pleasure from clitoral stimulation. Do you take enough time to get ready? Just being wet doesn't mean you are ready, some women get wet very easy but still need lots of foreplay to get ready.
If you are not ready mentally or physically the you are very likely to not feel very much. After all if you did using tampons would be a LOT more popular and going to the gynecologists would be the highlight of the year!
Look back in our past if there is something that might be causing you to mentally not be ready to enjoy sex.
If there isn't try masturbating at a very slow pace, putting yourself in a near orgasmic state and then see what happens.
Also remember that pure vaginal stimulation ain't all that for a lots of women. But not feeling anything at all must have a reason.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2008): You're not alone from what I've heard.
Some women "grow into it" some more during their early 20s.
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