A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a tendency to meet a guy and get into his bed (not for sex but to mess around nude) by the second or third date. Usually not intentionally. Its like I flirt and want to kiss and stop there but guy wants more, I pity them and give in. For example, we went to a bar, he drove, idrank too much, he took me to his place. I wanted to sleep but I felt like I was obligated to go to his room because he wanted that. I have a subconscious thing where I feel like I have to hook up because that's what's expected of me. Afterward I feel degraded and terrible because its not me but in the moment I'm thinking about pleasing the man as much as I can without sex because I am a woman :-/ I also like attention and feeling liked. Also, I'm single so its nice to have human contact once in a while. But when I regain my senses I'm afraid that he prob doesn't respect me or will call me, I get scared, hurt and upset/guilty. I just wanted a normal friendship, I didn't expect this to happen. I feel terrible because I want something real but I don't know how to approach men and situations like these. I don't know how to date or what to do if I like someone. I was trying to play it cool. I wanted to loosen up with drinks because I wanted to get closer to him but not that close. It just got out of hand. Its happened before because again, its pity for guy but also feeling like I have to do this because I'm here now, in his apt. How do I stop thinking that way and start thinking right? How do I date and have a good friendship with a guy? How do I not go so fast? How do I train my mind to think right? My spirit doesn't like my actions because my actions make no sense.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you! I'm going to take Arabic and pottery classes!
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 October 2013):
 Cool doesn't mean go out get drunk and flash men. That's attention-seeking behavior. Cool doesn't mean go out get drunk and give in. You need other things to do.
Here's a start: http://www.aauae.net
Here's a charity meet up: http://www.meetup.com/Crafting-female-friendships-Dubai/events/140668272/
An active outdoorsy type of meet up: http://www.meetup.com/DUBAI-EQUESTRIAN-GROUP/events/145196682/
If you are a runner: http://www.meetup.com/Gardens-Discovery-Gardens-DECC-Runners/events/144542922/
If you are artsy:
http://www.meetup.com/Fashion-Startup-Fans/events/142795462/
Salsa! http://www.meetup.com/Salsa-Dubai-socials-dancing-classes-and-parties/events/144855542/
Fellow expats: http://american.meetup.com/cities/ae/dubai/
http://www.expatforum.com/expats/dubai-expat-forum-expats-living-dubai/
There are 40,000 American expats in the UAE and many other English-speaking expats as well.
I know being an expat can be a very disorienting experience. If you are there for work then time to get yourself squared away.
You do have control over your actions and your choices. So get help, real help, okay?
Go be brave, which means, be brave and GET HELP.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI never had any trauma or abuse lol. Just a normal girl. I live in Dubai. Yes, its like Vegas! I'm new here and tryna find cool things to do. I'll get there! Thanks!I'll see A therapist
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 October 2013):
The only thing in town that is open is clubs? No schools? No art studios? No food pantries or food banks or hospitals or animal shelters or parks or gyms or arts centers or science centers or United Way charities or volunteer centers? Just clubs?
Wow, where do you live, Las Vegas? No, it can't be Vegas, there are lots of other things to do there.
It sounds as though you are self-destructive, making choices that compromise your physical and mental health. Time to stop whatever cycle you are on and go to a doctor and ask for help. This behavior sounds like something arising out of a past trauma or abuse, so go deal with it.
You know you don't like this, you wrote here, but we don't have a magic wand to wave and say a few words and it'll stop you from doing what you are doing.
Go to an AA meeting if this is alcohol-fueled and get help there.
Go to your doctor and tell her what you've told us. Ask for help there.
Go to a rape crisis or abused women center if you are the victim of past abuse and ask for help there.
Stop seeing your 'friends' as they are not actually friends.
Make plans to go back home if you are on this downward spiral, as long as there isn't an abuser waiting to trouble you there.
Set the alarm for early tomorrow and do these 5 things every day before 8 am until you get some real practical help in the next 10 days:
1. exercise
2. map out your day
3. eat a healthy and substantial breakfast
4. visualize good things happening today
5. make your day top heavy, which means do thing things you dread doing first thing. That means making that doctor's appointment ASAP.
http://www.forbes.com/sites/jennifercohen/2013/10/02/5-things-super-successful-people-do-before-8-am/
NOW GO BE HEALTHY. You can do it.
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (18 October 2013):
 self respect is not making yourself cheap to guys. "how do i stop?" you need to meet a nice guy ,not the type of guys you are hanging around with. all they want is what you have, to use you for sex. change the type of places you are meeting these guys, not getting nude with them, not having sex with them, not getting drunk with them.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI do! But it keeps happening. My friends aren't good influences and aren't my real friends. I go clubbing a whole lot because there's nothing else to do here. I'm in a new country trying to figure shit out but miss home and a guy I really like there. But I don't want to bank on him being the love of my life because we didn't live in the same city back home and long distance sucks. He wouldn't communicate. Is it crazy to move to a place to get closer to someone you might see potential with? What does self respect mean? I still just get peer pressured or urges to touch guys that are cute because I am cute! But its so meaningless. I feel empty and alone and degraded after. I've let 3 guys see my breasts in the last week! What have I turned to? How do istop?
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (18 October 2013):
" how do i stop thinking that way (giving into guys) and start thinking right?" you need to start by changing some of your habits such as drinking to loosen up, getting into his bed(not for sex), you need to not mess around with the guys you just meet nude , and in their bed. " how do i date and have a good friendship with a guy?" by not giving in to these guys you just meet. they will not have respect for you, and only use you if you are giving it out easy. anything a person values does not come easy,and is valued because it is not cheap. "how do i not go so fast?" by having self respect for yourself. by letting these guys know you are of value, and you want more than just to be another notch on their belts. by not getting drunk and ending up at their place in bed nude. by getting to know them as a person. if they just want sex you need to ditch them and find a good quality guy that wants to know the real you. " how do i train my mind to think right?" you need to really want more than just sex, and be used of these guys. i believe you really want a guy that will give his heart to you not just his body for his own self interest. i believe you want a guy to know your heart and deepest parts of who you really, not just some guy that will take you home until he is tired of you. i believe you want more than just cheap relationships , that is why you are posting here. you need to make changes in your habits (getting drunk going home with these guys) , maybe were you are meeting guys, maybe the type of guys you are meeting. and it goes back to having value in your self, self respect! i hope this helps, find a nice guy and don't rush the relationship. get to know the real him. let him get to know the real you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2013): "How do I stop thinking that way and start thinking right?"
Stop drinking too much.
"How do I date and have a good friendship with a guy?"
Stop drinking too much.
"How do I not go so fast?"
Stop drinking too much.
"How do I train my mind to think right?"
Stop drinking too much.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2013): How about you meet somewhere where no drink is involved and part separate ways at the end of the evening? That way you are not putting yourself in a compromising position. Give a guy an inch, he'll take a mile. Men are wired to take any opportunity, don't be a prick tease, act like an adult, find a place to go where you are both not on your own. Remove any temptation from doing anything by placing yourself in a situation where you are not vulnerable. Even better, plan something to do during the day, and ensure you have a friend meet you somewhere after so you are not tempted to go back to his. Or him at yours.
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