A
male
age
36-40,
*arrarDK
writes:Hi. I need some advice. My situation is a bit complex and I have to explain it in detail in order for you to understand what my problem is. I'm originally from Azerbaijan and currently studying in the U.K. I've been here for 8 months. Initially, I was doing graduate diploma and now I'm doing my masters. While I was doing my Graduate Diploma I met a Tunisian girl named S (Don't want to use her real name). In the first term we didn't talk much. But, in the second term we had similar classes and had an opportunity to chat with each other. I was immediately attracted to her. She was pretty but it was her character that caught my eye. She was very caring and friendly. Also, joyful. I couldn't resist so I asked her out on the weekend. We went out and ate. It went well. But, on Monday I remember her being distant. I don't know whether she was occupied with something or she just didn't want to talk. So, i gave her some space and ignored her. But, on Thursday she was talking to me again. I asked her out again on the weekend. While we were out having dinner, I remember the moment she was text messaging on her cell and one of the waiters jokingly said "Stop playing with that toy, your boyfriend is here". There were few awkward seconds of silence. And, she replied "He's just a friend.". When we finished our dinner I walker her home as usual. Then again on Monday I tried to talk to her but she wasn't in the mood to talk. Few days later she again started talking to me. And, asked me if we could do group studying together as the exams were near. We did. We studied together. Sometimes it was at the library and sometimes it was at her place. She looked after me a lot during that time. Making me cups of coffee and offering food. She also helped me with the studies.When our exams were over and when were done with our graduate diplomas we went back to our home countries. I gotta say I had the worst holiday in my life. Man I missed her so much. I didn't contact her during the holidays because she became distant again soon after the exams were over. When our holidays finished, we came back to U.K and started our masters degree at a university. We both have the same course so we're in the same classes again. And, also again she started talking to me and got close to me again. I met another girl named A in our class who happens to be from Greece. She's also nice and caring. So, I started to like her too. And, I also got fed up with S' weird behavior she'd been showing for the past couple of months. So, I started spending more time with A. When I started doing that, S at first was giving me more attention than usual. I returned the favor. But, the next day I wasn't giving her any attention as I was a bit upset at how she treated me for the past couple of monthsAt present, S and I don't talk much. And, whenever I talk to her she has this sad and sometimes serious expression on her face. All this happened when I started giving more attention to A and ignored S on several occasions. I really don't know what I'm doing. Do you think I'm subconsciously using A to make S jealous? And, do you think S is really being jealous or something or she doesn't really care? I really like A as a person. She's really sweet and I might consider dating her. But, I also like S and I keep ignoring her. I also get a bit upset when she chats with other guys. What should i do?
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female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (17 October 2013):
 You haven't made a commitment to either A or S so you're not in a "relationship" with either so you can do what you like really!
Mind you, what I don't understand, is that despite really liking S you haven't talked to her about the way she behaves!
I don't think you're using A to make S jealous, I just think you're attracted to A and as S didn't seem interested, then why not?
Problem is your now reading S's behaviour as though she's been hurt and offended that your flirting with A.
This may be the case but she's bound to be confused because you HAVEN'T TALKED TO HER! She may have had assignments due to be handed in, revision to do, family problems or maybe she has an attitude problem but you will never know the reason unless you ask her!
Point to remember, every country has it's own cultures and customs and each person will behave and communicate in a way that would be considered normal in their country but could be considered rude or misleading by someone with a completely different ethnic background.
Therefore communication is everything. S may not realise that her behaviour is strange to you, it could be culturally acceptable to her (I'm not saying this is the reason just putting it out there as an other possibility).
Basically decide which girl you really want to date and talk to her.
Just remember though, you are all three from different countries and after your schooling is over you will all return to your different homes. Is a serious relationship workable?
I hope this helps AB x
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