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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: i've been going out with my boyfriend for a little over a year. he's the most loyal and trustworthy guy ever and i know for a fact he would never ever cheat on me, let alone flirt with another girl. he always tells girls he's chatting to about me and lets everyone know he is taken and not interested at all in anyone else, which is GREAT! really! BUT i have a problem, i get insanely jealous for no good reason.i mean he's had quite a few serious relationships in the past but he dislikes pretty much everyone of his exes and never contacts them, yet i stalk their facebook pages non-stop and find reasons to hate them! one ex in particular really bugs me and i get so worked up and angry thinking about them, it turns me into a horrible person.he has no idea about this.i don't know if it's possible to stop being jealous..?any tips?!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2008): Hey, Aw don't worry, i used to have the same problem!! I know how you feel, are you a little bit self conscious? because i used to get jealous because i thought every girl my boyfriend spoke to always looked amazing and just felt like a skinny idiot stood next to him! Then i realised he has never once said i looked horrible..even when i thought i looked like i had been dragged through a bush he said i looked gorgeous and now i've finally overcome my little silliness! The better u feel about yourself will probably determine the way u see the other girls, like not a threat!!! lol take it easy x
A
female
reader, Artistry  +, writes (6 August 2008):
 Hi there, Let's see if we can determine why you are jealous. Are these women in his past a threat to you? No.
Are they trying to get back in his life? He would have to particpate for that to happen, you say he is faithful and does not like those women, he dated in the past. So that should be out. I do find it strange that he would "hate" them, even if it was not an amicable breakup, why would he hate all of them? But anyway. So if we have eliminated the obvious reasons for being jealous, then it seems that the last thing remaining would be you, and not him and/or them. You have to improve on your self-esteem, they are not better than you and you have nothing to fear from the women in his past, but you are doubting yourself for some reason. Everyone has a past, if they are of a mature age, and have been dating. Your insecurity is what you are going to have to work on, you trouble yourself for no reason. Those women have gone on their way, and here you sit obsessing, without cause. Life is so too short to waste time on stuff that is of no benefit, it gives you no reward, only perpetrates a continuation of a negative force. Stop wasting your time, find another hobby :o), one which has a positive influence.
Work on believing in yourself, get the green out of your eyes, and be happy that you have a great relationship, why build up negative anxiety for no particular reason. Learn to be your own best friend, and stop chasing ghosts that only cause you agony, You know you could be considered a cyber stalker in a minor way, that is not healthy. Vibes that you put out could also come back to haunt you, even though you are evidently the only one who knows what you are doing. In fact you are the only one being effected by what you are doing as well. I believe in books, so see if you can find one which gives you tips on losing the jealous streak. Fill your life with other things instead of looking into the personalities or lives of the women in his past.
Go visit some old people, who would love to have your attention, or find a child to mentor. You need to broaden your horizons. Keep in touch and please let me know that you have stopped delving into folks that are no longer relevent to anything having to do with you. Be as happy as you can, jealously only makes the one who is jealous miserable. Work on ridding yourself of the green eyed monster. You will be healthier for it. Take care always.
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female
reader, shandygirl +, writes (6 August 2008):
 If he has NO contact with his EX's... then what is there to be jealous of? I don't understand.
We all have EX's. At least those of us who are 18 and above. ha ha.
Hon, you have to snap out of this. Relaaaax. Breeeeath. And just focus on you and him. ENJOY your relationship and be glad that he tells EVERYONE that he is has a girlfriend. He must be very proud of you if he can't stop talking about you to other people. You are a lucky girl to have a boyfriend like that. :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2008): Hey dont feel bad, i had the same problem for a long time, but you just have to learn to trust him and realize that those ex's dont matter, all that matters is you and him. Dont be this way, he hasnt done anything wrong, everyone has a past, im sure even you do. I used to do the same thing your doing, stalked her myspace and facebook and absolutly hated her. But it has to stop or it can ruin a relationship. Just lieve it alone, dont visit her sites and dont bring his ex up, just forget she ever existed b/c the truth is she doesnt have to, what does she have to do with what you and your boyfriend have!
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2008):
You're not born a jealous person, it is something you learn to be as you get older and it is quite possible to "learn" again to not be jealous.
I think in your case, if you really want to take this seriously, is that you need to give yourself some rules.
These rules are that you will not stalk any of their pages again. No matter how bad the temptation, you need to remind yourself of how much infinitely worse you will feel if you do it.
It is like the person who can't help but binge on food, they sit there looking at it all, then just go through and consume it, itching that desire in their mind to feel better. Only it fuels their desire and it ends up making them feel worse. You need to be able to learn this strength to stop the pattern. The longer you go without looking at their pages, the stronger you will feel.
I think also you need to face the insecure thoughts you have when you compare yourself to these other women. You clearly don't think you are good enough, in that these other women have much better qualities to offer him than you do. Is that really true? I bet you can think of tons of things that your boyfriend loves about you and only you. But don't then take that step further and critise those things, with "buts" and "ifs", because you are then assuming that he must be wrong and that is the difference. You are applying your insecure reasoning to his own.
Hate is an emotion that will consume you, it turns trust to jealousy and it is kills love. You say he had no idea about this, but I can't believe what you are going through isn't having an effect on your relationship, it must be.
Don't make these girls a hate-figure. If you can't deal with his history, then block them from your life and allow them to fade in to the past, but like I say, if you continue to hate them, it will continue to feed your jealousy.
You've been together a year now, time to start putting down some solid roots and, allowing the past to fade away...
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2008): Jealously, guilt, lust and depression are all very bad things to get yourself caught into. It drives the mind insane.
You have absoutley no reason whatsoever to think this. If you tell him it'll get him confused and he'll start getting posessive to try and convince you that he only wants you. Surely you don't need anymore convincing?
If its facebook that cause this, don't look at them. They don't like him, they have no reason to not like you coz they don't know you. He doesn't like them. He doesn't plan on being with them again - he obviously loves you very much if hes talking about you as much as you say he is.
If this persues even after facebook, you need to consult someone like a consuellor. It may seem exaggerated but you have issues that just one visit can save you from being a very unhappy, posessive and obsessive person.
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