A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am concerned. I have been with my man 5 years. We recently had a 7 month break as our reltionship was in a bit of a rut (my call). I am glad to be back together, and he is making such an effort, doing everything he can to make things better. I really want it to work, however my concern is that i have totally lost my sex drive since getting back together, and get frustrated and angry at just little things that he says or does. I feel like a real bitch when this happens, but can't seem to control it. I really dont know if these issues will pass, or that we simply are not right for each other. Please help!
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (25 September 2008):
 Do you perhaps have a picture in your head of what this relationship should be like and when he doesn't life up to that, you lash out? Frustrated he ain't perfect?
It might even be that you got more then one picture in your head of what things should be like. The desire to be single and have the house to yourself and the desire to be together with someone.
What do you really want out of your life.
A
female
reader, Neera  +, writes (25 September 2008):
I think you need to sit down and think if you really want to be in this relationship. Maybe you need some more time on your own? Do you have any other problems? At work, with your family, or with your health? Different things can play on our minds. Sometimes, we can be taking out other frustrations on our partner/family members.If you are sure this is about this relationship: Think about why you guys broke off - do those problems still exist, are you ignoring them?You said he is making an effort, are you? if not, are you committed enough? Here is something I do in every confusing situation: make a list with two columns, 'the good' and 'the bad'. Write down everything about the relationship. Give it weights as well. For example the 'good' list might be small but contain very high weight items - like 'no loneliness'. being lonely is a big issue for me, hence it gets very high weight. You will need your own items and weights. Be honest with your list. This will give you clear idea where you stand.You can also tell your man that you are sort of not liking the intimacy part much, and would prefer if he goes slow. Maybe you are in a phase where you want to see his committment and love without being physically involved. Technically, it is like a new relationship now. So you need to give it some time. It is never a good idea to jump it to 'the way it was before' because, what was before was before - in another time, when you were different. You are changing and growing all the time and sometimes people in a relationship can change so much that they no longer resemble the people who had initially fallen in love :)Sorry for the long answer, but I have found that after every fight with my husband, it takes us some time to get back to normal, even after we start talking. So you might just need that time :) All the best!
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