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anonymous
writes:Im 28 and a mother of a beautiful 16 month old baby boy. Every night before I fall alsleep i cry for all the beautiful little kids out there who are not cared for or are victims of child abuse. I cannot get my head round the fact that there are people out there who harm and abuse children. Is it normal for me to be so affected by this or do I need counselling or something? My mum said its because Im a new mum and Im just overwhelmed by the love I feel for my own child. This issue never bothered me before I had my son. I mean, I always knew that child abuse and neglect is wrong and disgusting, but now I have my own child it has become something that bothers me deeply. I cannot bear to hear or read a story relating to child abuse in any way or form. A few months ago I was at a friend's and she had on a documentary about a well known horrific case of abuse and I cried for 3 days after seeing it. I just want to know am I normal to be feeling so deeply about it? I would love to hear from any new mums too who might feel the same. Thanks x Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2011): I feel that way about animal abuse. Don't get me wrong I get upset about child abuse too, but some how animal abuse gets to me more because the way I see it, children are reproductions of us and we are all evil at heart. Children will grow up to be evil just like their parents (i.e. us). Whereas animals are always pure of heart, animals are just not biologically capable of having any evil thoughts because they don't have the mental capacity for that. They are even more "infantile" than children. And they are completely separate from us which makes abuses by humans on them even more of a violation of the natural order.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey guys im so happy with all your responses you have helped put my mind at rest and also its good to know that there are others out there who are bothered about it as much as I am. I am also looking into doing charity work for the nspcc as I would love to be proactive as much as I can.
I just wanted to say the anonymous poster and also to coopervicki that yes it is the baby p case in particular that haunts me and I think it might be to do with the fact that my little one is the same age as he when he died. I cried for days after watching a documentary about him.
Also, to the other anonymous poster re animal abuse, I was exactly the same as you before I had my son. I did lots of charity work for animals but inside I was envious of those who didnt care much because it affected me every single day to the point where I didnt want to care because it destroyed me too much. As awful as it sounds so I can understand where you are coming from. But for some reason, since having my son, child abuse haunts me on a much stronger level now than animal abuse. Dont get me wrong, I love animals still and hearing of abuse to animals would still upset me greatly, but not as much as child abuse. I dont think we should be envious of other people who dont care though.....because if there werent people like us in this world then there would be no hope for abused children and animals.
Once again, thank you all for your answers xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2011): I feel the same about animal abuse. I wish I wasn't that sensitive and I envy people who live happily without ever worrying about animals.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2011): You're normal and your mum is probably right if you're especially sensitive to it lately. We are all affected by it. And some cases stay in our memory for many years. I don't cry and get upset. I get very angry.
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reader, Coopervikki +, writes (31 August 2011):
Your not the only one, i suffer with this too! including animals! i dont have any advice apart from try and think about something else. I have always been very empathetic and compassionate and when i had my son who is now 4 it heightened! dont know if you heard about the baby p case but that tore me up for days!....its great that we are so caring but sometimes it can actually be quite self damaging and theres nothing we can do to change it! lol
I know exactly how you feel, i try not to think about things or read things thats are going to upset me now, people can think what they like but alot of people dont have the heightened feelings we do and i would rather ignore it if there is nothing i myself can do to help than dwell on it for long periods not being able to sleep. I didnt eat for 2 days after hearing about baby p, it completely took over and thinking about how much pain that little boy felt makes me sick to my stomach, struggle to type about it now! so i would rather save myself from knowing now, sometimes ignorance is bliss especially for people like us xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2011): i feel the same dont worry and it does affect me quite badly sometimes, i dont remember if you heard of the baby p case? when i heard what actually went on i actually struggled to function, my thoughts were completely overtaken by the pain that little boy must have gone through. It kept replaying over and over in my mind and i couldnt sleep for a week.I have a little boy who is 4, i have always been a very empathetic and compassionate person but having my son has heightened it, ALOT! I like to think its a good thing that i worry so much but sometimes overthinking things really makes me ill. Im the same with animals, any harm to animals or babies/children completely overwhelms me. I dont really have any advice because i would like to care less sometimes lol, its great that we are this way but for us it can actually be quite damaging! I lit a candle for baby p and said a little prayer (im not religious in the slightest) my fiance thought i had gone completely nuts! but its who i am. After that i realised there was nothing i could do about it and tried to not to think about it, everytime i did i tried to think about something else, hope this helps xxx
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reader, chocoholicforever  +, writes (31 August 2011):
I think it's normal for you to be affected by this issue. But if the level of distress is uncontrollable or impairs your ability to function in daily life (like if you have constant intrusive thoughts that you can't get out of your head), then that is not good or healthy and you should try to do what you can to change this.
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reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (31 August 2011):
 I'm the same! I cry at any story involving child abuse and just can't believe that there are people out there who do horrible things to defenceless children. You are normal :-)
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reader, Battista +, writes (31 August 2011):
Hi OP
You seem like a very caring and compassionate woman and mother. Why don't you channel your emotion into doing something positive in the fight against child abuse if you really want to try and help or make a difference. This is much more constructive, and will also make you feel better as you now your actions will be helping to save a child rather than just an outpouring of emotion which makes you feel bad. Volunteer for a relevant charity, like Childline, or the NSPCC, for example. Do a charity run and raise money, have a cake stall, the possibilities are endless.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2011): Hi. Child abuse is a very distressing subject. But if you find you dwell on this type of thing a little too much, these thoughts are uppermost in your mind to the degree that it affects your daily life. Or you truly are so emotionally overwhelmed that you cry every day. Then it might be an idea to go along to your doctor/health visitor for a chat and check up because you could be suffering slightly from depression.
If you don't feel the situation requires a check up. You could always try channeling your energy into becoming proactive. There are many children's charities looking for volunteers. The distress you feel could be partly frustration and helplessness. You know things are happening out there but feel helpless to stop it. But you can help stop it by becoming involved in many different areas. So either pop along to your doctor if you think this issue is affecting you in a detrimental way or look around for organizations you can become involved with.
It might be cold comfort but most abused children manage to overcome their early beginnings and grow to become happy, productive members of society. My partner being one of them.
So take heart and try not to let this subject matter completely overwhelm you. My partner has told me many times that he would go through the years of abuse again. Because it was that path which eventually led to my door. I am sure he is not unique in managing to extract positives from a negative start in life. I am convinced many others do too. So cheer up. Don't waste you energy on sadness because that isn't really helping anyone. Instead. Use it for looking at ways you can support the people out there fighting to stop abuse x
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reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (31 August 2011):
Your emotionality shows a deep degree of caring and empathy. It is quite normal to experience a heightened sense of this after having a child of your own, and there is nothing wrong with it. In fact, it represents a heightened awareness of context in your life, and an awareness that we are all actually connected. These are good things. However, it can be difficult if your feelings impact on your life to the extent that they get in the way of you normal functioning in the world.
It would be good for all individuals and the world in general if we were more aware and sensitive to the harsh realities of our society, so that we would be motivated to act, rather than being desensetized by the media and our way of life. Your experience might make you feel different from others because we live in a dysfunctional world, but it isn't a bad thing, it can just make the world a little difficult to face.
Try and combining your feelings and sense of connection with the wisdom of acceptance. We can't change everything in the world and it isn't our job to, our job is to be the best we can and help others to do the same. Understanding and forgiving people who aren't able to be their best, learning to accept people who are struggling as they are, can help.
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reader, cheers  +, writes (31 August 2011):
 You are a great MOM & have a great compassionate Heart.cheers!
How about you help out in counselling group? pls sign up!
By doing this community work, you know clearly that you already help people in many different ways. Their life change cos your sincere help.
By doing this,it slowly change your mindset,not so emotional. You become calm person,patient,more experience to handle situations.You can do it!
In s'pore, there are counselling groups run by volunteers. She/he has to go thru training bf qualify to be a counseller.People call in thru hotline to ask for help
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reader, Here2helpyou2000  +, writes (31 August 2011):
Hello sweetie,
Yes its perfectly normal to feel this utterly disgusted with child abuse. Because you now have your own child who you love desperatly, you cant even begin to imagine hurting or abusing them, which you never will. Try to understand that there are places for abused children go to like childline, so atleast there is that glimmer of hope. charities like the NSPCC are also doing all they can to put a stop to this, so try not to worry to much even though it is an auful thing. Some people in this world are just born with twisted minds, and i TOTALLY agree, child abuse is deverstating to hear about.
I hope this helps you xx
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