A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 26. I keep seeing people my age or younger getting married and it's making me depressed. It bugs me that I"m not happy for the person but also because I have been with my boyfriend on and off for 6 years and I am sad because I STILL don't feel ready for that. we were long distance up until last year and so we're still in a process of adjusting to each other now that we're in the same place. We fight more than I expected, but we're working on it, getting counseling because we were stuck in some bad communication patterns we couldn't get out of. I think the counselor is helping, but I just want to kno what's going to happen with me and him and it's not out his lack of his interest that we aren't engaged, it's for me preempting him and saying i'm not ready, which I'm not but I just want to know when I AM going to feel ready, or SHOULD i have felt ready already? These thoughts were swimming in my head last year a lot, so I tok abreak from him. I felt like I was going to die without him, so after 3 months I got back with him and I was really happy, but i still don't think we're stable enough to marry by any means. my counselor said that i should just enjoy the present and take it one day at a time and that i'll know (that i want to get married or not) when I know, at my own pace, but it still drives me crazy. I watch shows like Say Yes to the Dress and I just get depressed and bitter that i'm not that happy bride. I get sad because I also don't know if I idealize their partner like they do so i worry if I have the Wrong Thing.I'm trying to make a resolution not to watch those shows because I just get too upset by them but i mess up sometimes. I know that's a lot of information and I might not have done a good job of organizing it but that's basically it. I guess as a sidenote, these people that keep getting married are like people on facebook, never a close friend so it's not really an issue of me being a supportive friend. I think I could be genuinely happy if it were my sister or bff.it's mostly these acquaintances I get bitter about.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2012): What is your gut telling you? is he right for you? Do you guys laugh everyday, talk like bestfriends, are affectiontate with each other, respect each other??I'm 29 and I can tell you that honestly, at 25-27 you are in the very PRIME years for a guy to snag you up and marry you. I'm looking back now and see the difference. At that age I'd go on match.com or out dancing/to the bookstore and men would be very interested in talking to me. I'd get loads of messages on match and get asked out frequently. Add 4 years and suddenly its a very different situation - much fewer men were messaging me on match.com and I hardly catch the attention of others. That youthful glow and attractiveness is gone. Mind you, I know myself better and wouldn't go back in time for anything, but its proof to me how valuable that time in my mid 20's truly was.I think you're wasting this time. Maybe take a few steps back in the relationship, go back to a friendship and start dating others. Make the most of this short time frame. It gets much more difficult finding a quality guy who is just as interested in you the older you get.Good luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2012): Leave him if its not working out don't waste your youth u don't wanna be mmy sister who was with a jerk for 12 yrs since she was 18 and now 32 no boyfriend and very bitter about life and everything else
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