A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 22 years old and I'm a virgin. I started dating when I was 15. My first boyfriend (he was a virgin too)and I lasted 3 years and the furthest we got was oral sex. We both orgasm and I thought real sex would come with the time because I was scared of the pain. When we broke up I said to myself he was not the right now so I kept looking. My second boyfriend (not virgin) was a total douche and I remember one day we were kissing and he wanted to go further and showed me his penis it grossed me out and I didn't want to do anything sexually with him after we broke up I said to myself he wasn't the right one. Same happened with my 3rd boyfriend but we did actually try to have sex I remember when he started pushing inside me I was very nevous and the pain I felt was unbareable so I pushed him away, curled and started crying. He didn't get much inside at all. After that we broke up. Now I'm with a guy that I really love and I have liked for years now we are finally together and he proposed he knows I am a virgin (he isn't) and he says he will wait for me untill I'm ready but the thing is I want to do it, but I am so scared of the pain, I get so nervous, I really get cold sweaty hands and feel like I'm going to faint. Thats how bad it is. I don't know what to do because I really love this guy and I want to give him my virginity but at the same time it is like... I don't know I might not get wet enough maybe I have problems with being turned on and I'm so scared of the pain... It frustrates me so much because the foreplay it is okay but when the real thing is about to come I panic. Please help me out!
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broke up, foreplay, kissing, oral sex, orgasm Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your answers, I am decided to do it with this guy because I love him. I guess I'll need to think about another thing or just bare with the pain the first time? It will be worth it. For the questions about something happening to me when I was younger. I have looked to find out something but nothing I honestly don't believe anything happened to me but I am very vulnerable to pain I don't know why... Oh and I also thought I was bisexual, but honestly, I didn't like that guy at all, hence why I never was interested on him sexually. Everything about him didn't look right to me.. It was a mistake to date him! Anyway thank you very much for all the answers! I will try to do this soon...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2010): I was the exact same at one point, but i lost my virginity at 17years old ! i know, even i couldn't believe it.. The first time you will have sex, it will hurt but if you enjoy it and you love your partner then you will get used to the pain and it shouldn't last long.. But make sure u both are lubricated before penetration to ease the pain..
You said the sight of a penis grossed you out, maybe you could be bi sexual...?
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A
male
reader, hiro06  +, writes (10 November 2010):
There is nothing to be afraid of its all in your mind. Millions maybe even Billions of people have sex everyday. Its a natural occurance in life people have sex. Yes, there is pain, but there is also good pain involved. Female when not aroused has a vagina depth of like 3-4 inches when aroused the vagina pushes the cervix and start lubracating(wetness) and the vagina become like 5-7inches in depth/length an erection basically. So if your not aroused yes there is going to be pain. But the thing you should it just jump into the deep end and trust your partner with your body. Because if you try to do it you way your are just going to keep pushing progress back(hint with your other ex's) So, just put faith in your partner and just relax and give him control. If dont feel uncomfortable just tell him to stop. But sex is the ultimate expression of love and is the ultimate release of emotions in the physical form.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2010): As I was reading your post, I felt strongly you are not lubricated enough, along with having sexual issues. Please dig up your past and try to remember what happened to you as a child. You will be surprised. Some parts of you are already remembering and that is why you clam up, panic and get scared b/c those emotions are what you felt when something happened to you. Allow the memories to come to you when you are ready. You found the right person to go thru this with, he loves you and will support you. Good Luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2010): Have you talked to your doctor about your fear? If you're not ready, then you're not ready. Don't rush or push things. Sex will wait. If you really want to have sex with him because of the love you share, lube maybe? And go really really slow, even if you have to expand the experience to a few days. Fingers and just work your way up to the main event.
Side note: You might want to see a doctor if your panic attacks are really severe or persist after you lose your virginity it might be a serious thing.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2010): Have you talked to your doctor about your fear? If you're not ready, then you're not ready. Don't rush or push things. Sex will wait. If you really want to have sex with him because of the love you share, lube maybe? And go really really slow, even if you have to expand the experience to a few days. Fingers and just work your way up to the main event.
Side note: You might want to see a doctor if your panic attacks are really severe or persist after you lose your virginity it might be a serious thing.
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A
female
reader, Kurious Kat  +, writes (10 November 2010):
You know what? Don't be to scared because I did the same thing. I was so scared to think about what pain I was going to be in that I refrained. Sometimes that's a good thing. If you really deep down inside know that you love this guy and you feel that it's the right time for you, then you should feel that love and not be afraid of it. But of course, as always, make sure if you decide to that you use protection and never feel like your in the wrong. I commend you for taking your time to think this over. Again, don't be afraid. If he really loves you, he will be tender and caring and trust me, it won't hurt like you think it does.
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