A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I got married 10/10/2007, gave up my job and moved to be with him in another state, I moved my 2 children as well. 4 months ago we moved to Germany as he is in the Military. Things suddenly started to go down, he told me one day that he married me because he felt sorry for me. Since then things have been like a rollercoaster, one day I think things are okay, the next day things are terrible. I have not done any wrong, neither have I changed, but sometimes my husband looks at me like he regrets he married me. I fell in love with him, gave up so much now I don't know what to do, my whole life is falling apart.Please help!
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female
reader, flyingskirt +, writes (8 July 2007):
rhythmandblues2 has the right idea!!! she covered EVERYTHING. follow her words exactly! I think he doesn't really regret marrying you, he just regrets disrupting your life and seeing you unhappy now. He knows he can't make you happy, you have to make yourself happy. Maybe he also feels you were happier before you married him.With all that moving you did for him, he definitely feels the pressure for being responsibility for your happiness. If you're not happy, he'll think it's HIS fault and he was the cause of you giving up your job and moving. He seems like such a sweet guy, bearing all that fault when not being happy is actually your own fault. He could be a keeper. :o) Show him through your actions that you can make a life and be happy with or without him. Get out of the house a bit and get absorbed in activities that don't involve him. He'll come around.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (8 July 2007):
 I think you should ask yourself whether the relationship is satisfactory for you, as it is now.
However, if someone told me she regretted marrying me, well, I would leave her. These are very strong words and should not be taken lightly. But, only you know what's right for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2007): It sounds to me like you resent him a bit for giving up so much and moving to Germany with him....I am sure the adjustment has been hard for you.....I don't know what your problems really are as you have not been specific in your question, but it sounds to me like you need to make a little life for yourself that doesm't always include your husband....maybe he feels pressured to be the end all to your every happiness.
If you don't work outside the home, maybe it is time to try and do that, even if it is just volunteering at your children's school, or start taking a course or class or pick up a new hobby, make a group of friends....Your husban's interest should pick up when he sees you don't need him and are busy without him, he will start trying to get your attention, instead of the other way around.
We can't really change another person or how they see us, or what they think and believe, all we can do is change ourselves, and stop putting up with bad behavior, and hope the other person will follow suit and turn themselves around. I know you are probably hurt and angry at him, but these feelings will not help you get what it is you want, but your behavior towards him will....
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